I thought for a second. “He does. Juvante and Roman and Clarke are the foster brothers who live with him right now. Clarke is kind of a loser, though. He’s high half the time and the other half, he’s drunk. Roman’s too young, but Ryan has some really hot older foster brothers who don’t live with him. Ryker, Zane and Cooper, but of the three of them, I’d stay away from Cooper.”
That piqued her interest. “Why Cooper?”
“I think he might be a little too wild for you.”
“With Cooper all you’d get is meaningless sex with the kind of guy that your mother definitely wouldn’t approve of,” Brooklyn said with a laugh.
“Then please, please introduce me.” Shelby opened her purse and frowned. “Or maybe not. I don’t have any condoms.”
Brooklyn looked amused. “No worries. Guys from the wrong side of the tracks are always prepared to put a sheath on the dagger.” With the look she gave me, I knew she was referring to Ryan.
Shelby unwrapped a chocolate bar she dug out of her purse and offered us some. “You want to use my grandparents’ vacation house to be with Ryan? They hardly ever go. It’s right across from the Huron River—you remember it. You and Ryan could drive there.”
I did remember that house. Shelby and I had spent a few weekends there with her grandparents. The house was huge and gorgeous and there were big skylights in all the bedrooms.
Shelby fished around for her keys. “They let me use it last month. I think I still have the key. Here it is.” She separated it from the key ring and passed it over.
“Are you sure?” I asked.
“Yeah. I’ll tell them I’m going to use it with some friends and they won’t care.”
“Are
you
sure?” Brooklyn asked with a hard look at me.
Of course I was sure. The episode at the garage and the way I’d felt when Ryan had touched me had solidified my decision. He was the one and I had no regrets at the thought of being with him. The key burned into the palm of my hand like a talisman.
*
RYAN
“How could you do this shit?” I asked.
“It’s not a big deal.” Clarke resented me being in his face. He stared at me for a second, then dropped his gaze. “Why are you so jacked?” He spat a circle of blood onto the ground and touched his busted lip with a wince.
“It’s not about me.” I shoved him backward off the concrete block. “Chanos threatened Tana, you stupid fuck.” Chanos had done some pretty evil shit and the thought of him even thinking about hurting Tana resurrected a side of me I’d hoped to leave behind forever. A side that was nothing but trouble. The same old urge to pound the hell out of something rose up in me. I ran my hand through my hair, my head spinning. I hated the guy I’d once been but I’d be whatever kind of bastard I needed to be to keep Tana safe. There was never any question, never any doubt that I would walk through the fires of hell doused in gasoline for her and I would drag anyone down with me that I had to take.
Juvante made a gimme motion at Clarke and Roman with his fingers. “Let me see the cash you have left.”
Roman thrust his hands into his pocket and passed over a folded wad. Clarke did the same and Juvante’s mouth dropped after he finished counting it. “Two grand? For a kilo? You spent the rest?”
“He only gave us five for all of it,” Roman said.
“It’s worth thirty-three at least.” Juvante groaned in frustration.
Running my hand down my face, I walked a few steps away. I couldn’t look at Roman or Clarke without wanting to beat them into bloody stumps. I turned back to face Roman. “Who’s the he you’re talking about?”
“The guy at the warehouse,” Clarke mumbled.
“I warned him. I told Clarke it was a bad idea to take it.” Roman rubbed his closely cropped hair, looking sick to his stomach.
“Yeah, but he’s stupid and you’re not,” Juvante said. “Five for a fucking kilo.” He smacked Roman’s shoulder. “You should’ve looked out for your brother.”
Roman tensed and I stepped between them. “What’s the guy’s name?”
“Rattoni.”
“You believed the Rat? That guy’s first baby words were a lie. Ah, man.” Juvante handed me the money. “Hold that. I’ll be right back.” He went inside the house and when he returned, he was packing. If Mama Leena knew he kept that in his room, she’d have his head on a platter. He jerked his head at me. “Rat hangs at the crack house on Manor. C’mon.”
Roman and Clarke made like they were going to go with us and I stopped them. “You idiots stay here before you get us killed.”
***
The closer I drove to the crack house, the more desolate the area became. The poverty, the despondency, was a way of life in some areas of Caldwell. Crime didn’t happen without a purpose here and that purpose was survival. Those who looked down their noses at the young men hustling to make a buck probably never experienced hunger gnawing like a rat at their stomach. Probably never saw tears track down a kid’s face for the same reason. I’d been one of those kids.
I drove past the park with the broken down play equipment, past the pawn shop, and the liquor stores dotting every other corner. Every other spot in the road was a pothole big enough to blow a tire.
“Home sweet home.” Juvante leaned back with a long exhale and his leg jiggled nervously. “Never thought I’d be back in this neighborhood.”
“Me either.” The same ugliness of the streets lived in me and no matter how far away I went I would always carry it in the lessons I’d learned and the scars that I’d earned.
“Memories, man.” He glanced at me. “You get out but they tag along.”
“I know.” I turned down a street that was full of half-vacant houses and parked the Charger in front of the crack house.
From the outside, at a distance, the house didn’t look too bad, but the closer we walked toward it, the uglier it became. The siding was gouged in places and duct tape covered holes in the windows. Before we even reached the front door, the stench from toilets that didn’t work assailed us and I fought the urge to gag.
The front door was half-open. I pushed it all the way open and we walked in. Old magazines and cards were strewn on the floor among dozens of beer cans. Several people in various stages of stupor were lying about with a few more asleep with their faces on the stained carpet. The walls were more holes than actual drywall and rat droppings created a thick coating along the baseboards. On the trash-strewn kitchen counter a half-naked couple made a feeble attempt to have sex but kept missing each other.
“When you’re too stoned to fuck, you’re too stoned,” Juvante muttered, looking disgusted.
I looked over the group until I saw the guy I wanted. Skinny little guy with a nervous twitch at the end of his nose. He had long greasy blond hair slicked back into a ponytail and a meth mouth full of rotted teeth. One arm was wrapped around a girl whose eyes were closed while drool dripped from one corner of her lips.
We shoved our way through the bodies until we reached Rat. He looked up at us and burped. The putrid scent of sour breath and unwashed body greeted us.
“Damn.” Juvante screwed up his face and waved his hand.
Rat’s eyes went wide with recognition and he scrambled to his feet, swaying back and forth. The girl fell over to one side without a sound. “It was a joke man. I didn’t think he’d fall for it. I was gonna give it back but...”
“But...” I prompted.
“It’s all gone,” Rat said, not sounding a bit sorry. One side of his mouth lifted up like he was making an attempt to smile.
“You think it’s funny stealing Chanos’ shit? That’s it. I’m gonna pop his ass.” Juvante flicked aside his shirt and exposed the handle of the gun in his waistband. I knew Juvante wouldn’t use it because my brother hated violence as much as I did, but Rat didn’t know that.
Holding both hands out, Rat kept his gaze glued on the gun and stammered, “Give me two weeks. I swear on my mother’s grave I’ll get every dime of the street value back to you.”
“You had a mother?” Juvante asked.
“You know I’m good for it,” Rat wheedled. “I’ll talk to Chanos. I’ll make it right, I swear.”
“One week. Next Saturday. I’ll be back then. If you don’t show, I’ll find you,” I said.
Rat rubbed his hair and his brow furrowed. He scrubbed his chin. “I don’t know man...one week...I can get maybe half that...”
“Dumbass, I’m not Kmart. Do I look like I’m offering you a fucking layaway plan? One week.” I stared him down until he lowered his gaze, then I hit Juvante on the arm and we turned to leave.
“He’ll come through, man,” Juvante said as we walked back to the Charger.
He had to. I didn’t want to be tangled up with Chanos like I’d been before. He had a way of owning your soul. Too young and stupid to fear even death back then, I hadn’t cared what I’d done. When a man doesn’t care, he doesn’t think he has anything to lose. But that was before Tana. Now, I knew I had everything to lose.
Chapter Six
TANA
It was almost nine when Ryan pulled up outside my house. I’d told Brooklyn and Shelby to go on ahead since we were taking separate cars. Brooklyn had questioned whether or not Ryan was going to show when Shelby had given her a look and said, “For Tana, Ryan always shows up.”
I didn’t say anything to that because it was the truth. Ryan had always been around when I’d needed him. I stepped outside and locked the front door, then hurried to the Charger, shading my eyes at the brightness of the headlights cutting a path through the darkness. Ryan got out and jogged around the front to open the passenger door. “Hang on.” He dove into the car and pulled a box off the seat, then walked to stick it in the trunk. “Sorry. Cooper said he was going to drop by the party and that’s a piece for his car.”
“No problem.”
“Hey.” Ryan put out his arm to stop me from getting in. “I’m sorry about earlier.”
Puzzled, I frowned. “Earlier?”
“The garage.”
“You’re sorry for kissing me?” That would seriously suck if he did regret kissing me after how it had impacted me. I didn’t want him to be sorry.
His beautiful eyes darkened. “No, not for kissing you. I lost control. I shouldn’t have picked you up and put you on the desk like that. I let it go too far. The place is dirty and it stinks and—”
I put a finger against his lips. “I didn’t notice any of that.”
He put his hands on my waist in the same spot where his hands had been when he’d lifted me up onto the desk. “I gripped you pretty hard. Did I hurt you?”
A lump gathered in my throat at the concern on his face. On the outside, Ryan looked like trouble. It was more than his tattoos and muscled build. He had a toughness about him that said he’d lived life hard. But on the inside, in the part of him that he didn’t like anyone to see, he was both good and kind. “Yes, it hurt,” I said.
A muscle clenched in his jaw and I moved my hand to stroke the hard line of his skin. My hand tingled, my stomach tightened and I ached to pull him closer, to kiss him, to let the world stand still around us. “But only when you stopped.”
He cleared his throat and lowered his arm. “As long as you’re okay.”
To get into his car, I had to brush against him since he hadn’t moved from the spot. I heard his swift exhale and turned my head to look at him. The night played across his face, shadowing his expression. “What’s wrong?” I whispered, afraid to break the spell.
“Nothing.” He waited for me to get into the car and then closed the door. When he got into the car beside me, he reached for the radio and cranked it up, a habit he had when he didn’t want to talk.
By the time we reached Tristan’s sprawling house, the party was in full swing. Cars lined both sides of the street and light from the house spilled out across the manicured lawn. Music boomed through the open windows at an ear splitting level. I was surprised at the tension I felt. Once, I’d belonged here in the area of million dollar homes and expensive cars but now it felt like a world so far removed from anything I could ever imagine wanting to be part of.
After I climbed out of the car, I spotted several people I’d known from high school. Air kissing acquaintances who’d made my life hell as soon as the story of my father’s business crash made the rounds. I’d heard some of them were vacationing out of state and hadn’t expected them to be here or I never would have come tonight.
I stopped and Ryan bumped into me from behind. What the hell was I doing here? I didn’t belong. Turning around, I gripped his forearms, panic from the remembered pain writhing in me like a group of snakes. “I shouldn’t have come.”
His gaze drifted past me to the group I’d stared at, then swung back to me. “If you want to leave, we’ll leave.”
I leaned into him, drawing strength from his strength. “But? I can hear it in your voice.”
“Don’t run from the hard things.” He smoothed back a lock of my hair.
I clenched my hands into fists. “They taped a picture of my face onto a porn star’s body and put it on a wall in the boys’ bathroom. They’d written my phone number and the words “will fuck for food” underneath it.” I closed my eyes. I’d never forgotten that day or the laughter and taunts that followed the rest of that year. I’d been leered at and groped but none of that was something I’d shared with Ryan. The humiliation factor had been too high for me to want to say anything about it to anyone so I’d buried it.
He framed my face with his hands, his voice gentle and insistent. “Look at me.”
I opened my eyes and met his gaze, trying to stop my lower lip from trembling. “What?”
“If you run, it gets easier to do it every time after that.” He lowered his hands and gripped the hem of his shirt, pulling it up around his neck. “Tell me the word you see.”
Under the street light, I studied the tattoo artwork that covered the top portion of his well-defined chest. In the middle of the artwork was a small black cross and above it was the word courage in black script with the last four letters larger so that it looked like couRAGE.
“What does it mean?”
“It means find the courage to rage against the bullshit, the things in life that try to beat you down. It means taking back what others take from you.”