The Retreat (10 page)

Jamal had heard Dr. Watson speak on many occasions, so unfortunately his message did not carry the same effect it might have with someone who was hearing him speak for the first time. He walked along the trail that led back to his room.

Despite the inner turmoil regarding little man, Jamal still took the time to appreciate the stars that lined the sky. The world was a symphony and God was its great composer. He allowed the sun to rise and set, and the moon to take its place. If it were not for the sound of waves crashing together, Jamal would have thought that he had just gazed into infinite darkness instead of the ocean.

Will stood afar. Jamal did not want to approach him for fear that he was deep in thought, but an unsettling feeling came over Jamal and he knew that was the Holy Spirit at work within him. Jamal, under the direction of the Holy Spirit, headed over to strike up a conversation.

When he arrived at the beach, he saw Will with his feet sinking in the sand, splitting a cigar with his fingers. He did not know where Chauncey had met this man or how he managed to convince Will to come to this Men's Retreat. There was one thing Jamal was sure of: Will was fresh off the streets and this whole experience was overwhelming for someone like Will.

“What's going on, man?” Jamal asked.

Will was just about to light up a blunt when the sound of Jamal's voice startled him. “Man, you scared the mess out of me.” Will had his fist up with his blunt in one hand.

“Man, I didn't mean to bother you, I just saw you here by yourself.”

Will's eyes seemed to be watery, and when he locked eyes with Jamal, he did not look like a man being disturbed, but someone who needed a listening ear.

“What's up with you?” Will said with a nod.

“Nothing. Just saw you out here by yourself and thought you could use the company.”

“This is bugged out right here.” Will turned his blunt to the side and pointed toward the ocean.

“Yeah, the ocean is a trip,” Jamal agreed.

“I'm terrified of the ocean,” Will admitted.

Jamal was shocked to hear an admission of fear. “What did you think of the service tonight?” Jamal asked.

“It was cool.” Will took a drag of his blunt and exhaled. “Dude was deep.”

“Yeah, Pastor Watson always brings a good word.”

The conversation fell silent, though it seemed unfinished. Jamal and Will gazed out at the ocean. “Let me ask you something,” Will said.

“Sure, go ahead.”

“Do you think God can forgive you no matter what you do?”

A chill swept through Jamal's entire body. It was like he was talking to a younger version of himself. He remembered asking Pastor Dawkins that same question years ago.

He also remembered Pastor Dawkins's answer. “I believe that God forgives you no matter what you've done, but you have to be sincere and genuinely want to have a relationship with God.”

Jamal saw that the young man was taken aback by his words and that his brain began to spin with new possibilities.

“I've seen and done some foul things in the hood. Things that I felt like I had to do to survive. You know what I'm saying?” Will confessed.

Jamal knew exactly what Will was saying. He used to carry that same mentality.

“But even in the direst of situations, you still have a choice. I was like you at one time. I was on the block getting it in. Then I came to the crossroads and I chose life over death. You know your path leads to destruction and it's on shaky ground,” Jamal concluded.

The vast darkness that was night could not conceal Will's eyes nor his heart. He wanted to change, but he grappled with what type of realistic change he could make.

“I just don't know about bowing down and praying to some Jesus that I can't see.” Will shrugged.

“My brother, I learned something a long time ago. It is better to bow down to Jesus, who is the answer to all your problems, than to bow down to the circumstances of life and let life dictate for you how far you can go.”

Jamal just did not know how much he should push. He knew that the slightest increase in Jamal's appeal for Will to change his life could lead to Will rejecting the entire process.

“It's cool talking to you, because you know what it's like out there,” Will told Jamal.

“Man, I have done and seen some things that I'm not proud of, but through it all, God has been there. He teaches me how to leave my past where it belongs: behind me.” Jamal paused before asking, “Do you believe in God?”

“Sometimes. But all I see is evidence that there is either no God or there is a lesser God. I can't see myself bowing to a God like that.”

“We all have free will and that gives us either the choice to do tremendous good or great evil.”

Will only responded with a nod. In truth, Jamal still wrestled with some of the things that plagued Will. He'd seen kids born in some of the most destitute of situations, kids with the odds already stacked against them; they had no choice but to accept the lot afforded them. On the flip side, he had seen kids reject their lots in life and aspire to accomplish great things. Jamal chose to focus on the positive and not the negative. He left questions like, “Why is there suffering?” to the experts.

“You've walked some of the streets I've walked. How could you expect God to take care of you?” Will asked.

“I stay focused on God and I allow Him to order my steps. If I stay in God's will, then I don't have to worry about what's to the left or right of me. Everything that comes against me has to fall.”

It was Jamal's hope and prayer that he did not come off preachy to Will. He knew the young man was not looking to be sold a bill of goods. He wanted to give the young man something real to grasp.

“Look, Will, where do you see yourself five years from now?”

“I don't know.”

Jamal got chills from that statement. Will had to be at least eighteen or nineteen years old. To be in a mental place where he had no idea where he was headed with his life was beyond belief. “That's the thing; when you're out there running the streets, you can't see the future because there is no future. You owe it to yourself to at least give yourself a chance to see if life can turn out for the better with God. Because with God, the possibilities are endless.”

Everything Jamal said seemed to go over Will's head. He seemed to be overwhelmed, and Jamal could understand. Sometimes an encounter with God could be terrifying.

Jamal's attention was turned toward the stars. The moon seemed to have plenty of company tonight. Out of his peripheral vision, Jamal could see that Will was also enjoying His goodness tonight. A peaceful night was another example that God could show something better than words could describe. At this moment, Jamal could pull all of the words from the dictionary, and none of them would satisfy what his eyes were beholding.

 

Quincy admitted this: Dr. Watson could still put on a good show. He was thoroughly entertained by Pastor Watson's sermon. For a spell, Quincy allowed himself to be caught up in the emotions of the event, and neglected his original purpose: to destroy one of the ministers. He strolled along the rocky path and considered the question posed tonight. Where are you?

The question brought him to a complete stop just short of his room, where several of the men had begun to congregate. Where are you? Quincy was a middle-aged man with the arms of a twenty-year-old and a mouth that could sell snow to an Eskimo. He was at the pinnacle of his career, and he was about to release his soul from his biggest mistake: his wife Karen. So why did something feel out of joint? He was never someone who was afraid to reach up and grab the brass ring, but the thought that he had cleared every hurdle and had nothing else to claim frightened him. There were no more mountain-tops, just conquered territory.

Yet, something eluded him. He felt kind of silly for just standing in the road. So he walked slowly toward the group of men and considered what was missing. He pulled out his cell phone and was about to call Karen, until he realized that the nature of their relationship had changed.

Usually he would give her a call after the service and let her hear the excitement in his voice and how jubilant he was about getting closer to God. Quincy had also made vows to be a better husband. Most of his attendance at church was to appease Karen, but the Retreat was one event that brought forth an earnest desire to get closer to God. Vows that he would disregard no sooner than his return home.

Quincy reminisced about previous Retreats, and how Karen would stand outside of church on Sunday and wait for him to return in the caravan with the rest of the guys. She would then flash a big smile and run down the church steps to wrap her arms around him and plant a big, fat, juicy kiss on Quincy's lips.

It was a tradition at Greater Anointing that the men lead the service in praise and worship upon their return from the Retreat. Karen would sit in the pews with a glow on her face as she watched her husband give praise unto God. After church, Karen would cook Quincy his favorite dish: catfish and greens. She would let him watch the football games uninterrupted, and at night she would give him good loving by the fire.

None of those things would await Quincy when he got home this weekend. He imagined he would down a bottle of brandy and maybe watch an adult movie. He might even go back to Vegas. A marriage needed more than just a few days out of the year to go the distance. Twenty years of marriage were marked by different checkpoints and several crossroads where the marriage might meet its demise. But Quincy never questioned Karen's loyalty, and had been blindsided by her affair. The affair had rocked him, and to this day he could not see a foregone conclusion.

Until a few days ago, he upheld the vows of his marriage, though for years it felt like a slow strangle. His rendezvous with Candy the call girl did not make him feel any better. He did not feel like he evened up the score. Candy was a girl who Quincy had to pay for her time. She gave him pleasure and left Quincy with shame; the kind of shame that does not wash off easily. Karen, on the other hand, had formed a bond with another man. That was a microcosm of how distant their marriage had grown.

Yes, he could, at times, be difficult to be with, but none of Quincy's offenses could warrant his wife to cheat.

“Hey, Quincy, what you doing just standing there?” Jonathon, a member of the church, said.

Quincy became embarrassingly aware that he had just been standing in the same spot, allowing his thoughts to impede his steps.

“Oh, I was about to give the wife a call, but I keep forgetting that she's probably asleep by now,” Quincy lied.

“Not mine. My wife has trouble sleeping if big daddy is not there to hold her,” Jonathon said.

Quincy forced a smile. He was not up for a sword-measuring contest at this hour. Besides, if the challenge involved comparing wives, then this would be a challenge he would automatically lose. Quincy walked over and put his hands on top of the extending doorway. He leaned forward as if he was about to do pull-ups. He observed the men standing around, shooting the breeze.

“It's good to see you, Q,” Jonathon said. “I haven't really seen you at church lately.”

“Work has consumed all my time. What do you do when you're the best at what you do and people cannot seem to work without you?”

Quincy could tell that he was talking to a sheep rather than a shepherd: a man who followed orders rather than gave them. Fear and mediocrity permeated these men. Quincy couldn't wait to free himself from men who used their faith as a justification for a lesser life. From a distance, the sound of chatter caught Quincy's attention, and he saw two figures move through the concealment of night. Jamal and the new guy, Will, soon emerged.

“What's up, guys?” Jamal greeted them.

“Nothing, just shooting the breeze,” Jonathon replied.

“So, Will, what do you do for a living?” Jonathon asked.

“I'm into exporting cars,” Will said.

“How old are you?” Quincy asked.

“Nineteen,” Will replied.

His age went over everyone's head except for Quincy's. “Exporting cars” for someone Will's age meant “stealing cars.” He now had a clear question mark over his head regarding Will and his place of employment. He wondered if Will was involved in shady dealings.

“Look at that!” Jonathon pointed into the darkness.

Several creatures moved throughout the darkness, and Quincy became aware of how loud his heart was beating.

“What is that?” Jamal asked.

Just then the creatures took off running and revealed themselves to be raccoons heading toward the men. The guys scattered like buckshots, some running into their rooms and others toward their cars. They were soon outnumbered by the small fleet of raccoons. Quincy didn't believe himself to be in any real danger, and he could not tear himself away from the scene unfolding. Grown men were running from raccoons.

“I'll handle this!” Quincy headed toward his vehicle. He opened up the trunk, removed a new 9 iron, and started to stomp toward the raccoons.

“Fore!” Quincy swung at the raccoon like an opening drive. He not only missed, but slipped and fell on the ground. “Aw, get away from me!” Quincy got up and took off running toward the corner of the cabin with everyone else.

He heard the sound of his room door open and checked to make sure a raccoon had not ran in. Moments later, Will emerged with a gun in his hands, and fired shots into the ground.

The men stopped running and noticed that Will had a gun in his hands. The raccoons scattered into the bushes.

“What? I go hunting,” Will said.

“You go hunting with a handgun?” Quincy asked.

“Yeah, I hunt bears.”

All the men began to laugh at the surreality of the moment. Quincy did not laugh, but became certain that Will was not all that he said he was.