“No.” I shook my head. “Not scared. Sorta…mesmerized.”
He wore his signature smirk when he raised one hand out of the water. I reached down and took it.
Take a deep breath.
I did and was in the water before I could even think. The water wrapped me in cold and pulled my hair back in a long stream behind me as I dropped. For a second, I panicked, waving my arms at my sides and jerking back and forth. But then I felt Saxon’s hands encircle my hips and pull me against his chest.
Open your eyes.
I did, and the water momentarily stung. Blinking a few times, I grasped his hard shoulders and acclimated myself to my new surroundings. My focus came into view like a camera on auto zoom, and there in front of me was Saxon. His skin glowed in a soft, muted blue; pure, velvety warmth exuded from his touch, locking out the cold. We descended a few feet, and I looked down at his tail. It extended and swayed back and forth at least six feet below us. I was amazed that he could control where we moved with just the use of his fin.
Are you all right?
I nodded, and my hair whirled around my face. The darkness was everywhere but above our heads. I could see the moon through the top of the water, all broken into pieces like a stained-glass window.
Do you need air?
When I nodded, he extended his arms and lifted me up so that my head rose past the surface. I sucked in a long pull of oxygen, then ducked back under and put my arms around his neck. Rubbing my cheek against the side of his face, I noticed that his skin was no longer smooth and soft. Now it was ridged, but slippery like the scales of the fish my dad and I used to catch in the bay when I was little. My grip loosened, so that my hands could find the gills at the side of his neck. Tracing a line along the edge, I felt them open and close underneath my fingertips.
He tangled his fingers in the hair at the back of my neck, then combed through the locks as they danced on the current.
I want to show you something.
I pulled back and looked at him. There was no fear under the water. I was safe in his arms, and I knew it right down to my toasty warm core. One side of his mouth pricked upward just before he turned my body so that my back was to him. With one swift movement, he kicked his fin so hard that the water ruffled all around us, arching us backward so we were parallel with the surface of the water.
In the blink of an eye, I was cruising along the lake at least twenty miles an hour, with the stained-glass moon following us as we glided. The surface was no more than three inches above my moving body. Clear—but waved and bubbled, like the old glass in all of the windows of our farmhouse.
Saxon’s tail moved up and down, creating a muted rushing sound and sending us streaming out of Moon’s Bay. My lungs were starting to tighten, but I couldn’t look away from the star-filled sky above us. I was mesmerized by the speed at which we were traveling and by the fact that my body was filled with radiant heat even though I was submerged in icy water.
Once we’d ridden the current to the center of Pend Oreille Lake, he arched his spine and flicked us into an underwater backflip before bringing me right back up to the surface. His hands lifted me above the surface, where I drew in another long gulp of air.
“That was amazing,” I cried before dunking back down under the water and pressing my mouth to Saxon’s. He pulled his lips back into a smile, and he looped his arms tightly around my middle so I was flush against his body. We drifted in place close to the surface for a few seconds. The only sound filling my ears was the sound of my heart thrumming in my chest. The world beneath the surface, even just a few inches down, was so peaceful and serene.
I want to tell you something.
I used my arms to bring myself to the surface for more air. “What is it?” I lowered myself back down into his arms.
Saxon’s gaze searched mine for something, roaming from my face to my hair dancing around my head like seaweed, to my fluttering T-shirt rising and falling over my bellybutton on the current. I heard another rush of water and through the corner of my eye noticed as his rippled tail whipped back and forth below us to keep us suspended near the surface.
I smiled encouragingly at him, feeling the cold water surround my teeth and chill my gums. He brought one of his hands up to brush a knuckle from my temple to my jaw, before securing it back around my middle.
Luna, where I come from, responsibility often takes precedent over love.
My stomach quickened at the sound of him saying the
L-word
. It was adolescent, and I knew it, but my feelings for him were so much more than anything I’d experienced before. With Ian, and any of the other boys I’d dated before him, I’d felt the telltale excitement that a new relationship cultivated. I’d experienced stuttering heartbeats and stolen glances before. I’d participated in make-out sessions that made my head spin and the thrill of catching the attention of the guy that someone else wanted. But all of that paled in comparison to what I had with Saxon.
We had a physical connection. There was no denying that. I could think about his hands touching my face hours after the fact and still feel the trail they left behind on my skin. Even the mere
thought
of his lips brushing mine made blood course to my mouth, leaving my lips swollen, and pulsing with my racing heartbeat.
But what really astounded me was how comfortable I felt when I was with him. Instead of shifting in my chair to make sure my shirt hung right or wishing I’d had more time to flatiron my hair, I didn’t care. It didn’t matter what I looked like when I was with him, I always knew that I was beautiful enough. I never had to wait for his compliments because I could
feel
what he thought of me. His attraction to me was so much more than what my chest looked like in my gym uniform or whether or not my butt looked tight in a pair of jeans. He loved what was inside of me as much as the outside package, and it felt better than winning homecoming queen, prom royalty, and Miss Teen Sandpoint all at once.
Being with Saxon gave me my confidence back.
Certain things are expected of us, none of which involve falling in love, and I grew up believing I would be no different from anyone else in my clan. That one day I would choose a human to mate with, that I would lure her into the water just like tradition states, and that would be that.
Without asking, Saxon lifted me above the water so I could draw another breath. Once I’d come back down against his chest, he continued.
But you’ve beguiled me. Instead of me luring you in to the water, you’ve lured me out. I don’t know what is going to happen, and I’m breaking nearly every law we have. But I don’t care. I love you and only you.
For the briefest of moments, I remembered Ian muttering that he loved me as we frantically kissed in his car after seeing a movie. I didn’t respond. He left me in my driveway and then drove off hurt and angry. As guilty as I felt, I’d never loved Ian. I wanted to; after all, he was the most popular guy in the entire class—the object of every girl’s affection. But I hadn’t.
I had no doubts about Saxon. Not one single seed of doubt sprouting in my whirling head. Placing one of my hands on either side of his face, I leaned in close and pressed a kiss to his lips before surfacing. “I love you too!” I laughed into the night air. There wasn’t a single soul, besides Saxon, around to hear me, but it didn’t matter. As long as he heard me, all was good in the world. I threw my head back. “I love you too!”
Saxon’s laughter reverberated in my head, and I grinned up to the night sky. This was what love felt like. This was it, and it was amazing. Better than any rush or high or popularity available. I would take it over anything else. Everything else.
Can I show you something?
Dunking back down, I nodded at him. He brought his hands up underneath me, straightening us out so that we were parallel, only this time my back was to the surface.
Move your hips up and down. The right side up, while the left side is down, then vice versa. Move your arms like the breaststroke while you do it.
I obeyed and found myself inching forward in the water.
Good…now pretend that there is a band, holding your thighs together.
I closed my legs together as tightly as I could, still feeling Saxon’s arms underneath my middle. The warmth was still rolling through my body like a generator, and the fact that I was so comfortable made it easier to move my limbs.
Now, as you’re moving your hips…try to paddle your thighs up and down, up and down.
I did, but lost my rhythm almost as quickly as it came. He lifted me to the surface, where I drew in a long breath, then lowered me back down.
Keep trying. It will take some time to get the hang of it.
We moved forward, inch-by-inch, my hips swaying while I attempted to pump my thighs. Below my knees, my legs just dangled, useless and limp. Frustration crept up on me, and I punched at the water ahead of me with all of my strength.
Saxon’s voice crooned inside of my mind.
Don’t get angry. Just keep trying. That’s right…
We pedaled forward a few more feet while my body slowly accustomed itself to the rhythm. He rolled underneath me and then swam with his hands on my hips so that he could push me to the surface for air every couple of yards. After a few minutes, my movements became more fluid, and he slowly released me.
You see? I told you.
I increased my pace, reaching my arms as far in front of me as I could, then pulling handfuls of water back. Excitement swelled in my chest until I released a laugh that turned into dozens of bubbles. Without slowing my pace, I arched upward, gulping in some air. Saxon swirled in the water below me, his proud yells echoing in my head.
Look at you. You’re moving like a Mer now.
He brushed his hand along the underside of my belly as he passed me, his speed creating whitecaps above my head. Every time he moved away from me, the heat in my belly started to shrink, beginning in my fingers first, and then leaving my arms and legs cold. But he would emerge from the darkness below me or to one of my sides, sweeping past me with a chuckle. Each time his hand swept across my skin, the fire inside of me would flash.
We swam like that for thirty minutes, maybe forty-five. My endurance went on and on, and every time my muscles began protesting, Saxon would dive past me, touching my hand or leg. Whenever he did that, it was like putting gasoline back into a nearly empty gas tank, and I would push forward with more fervor than before.
A hand grabbed my wrist so hard, it sent my body thrusting forward with my own self-created current. I cried out when my shoulder twisted in an unnatural position, but no sound emerged. Water filled my mouth and nose, and I grabbed at the air over my head in utter panic.
The fingers squeezed, and I felt nails piercing my skin. It was scaled and slick like Saxon’s, but I knew it wasn’t him because there was no heat exuding from this grip. This grip omitted cold—pure, unadulterated cold that spread throughout my whole body, reminding me that I was swimming in ice-cold lake water in the Inland Northwest.
My limbs stiffened, and my lungs seized. Turning my head from left to right, I searched the darkness for Saxon, but my black hair wrapped itself around my face like a mask. Within seconds, I couldn’t move at all. Instead, I sank.
Chapter Ten
As I sank into the inky depths of Pend Oreille, I saw Isolde’s long, blonde locks swarming around her darkened face like Medusa’s snakes. She pulled her greenish lips back into a hate-filled sneer when my own hair parted enough for me to focus on her. The image too terrifying, I closed my eyes. I wanted to be back in my bed, warm, with the covers pulled over my face.
Scratch that, I wanted to be back in Saxon’s arms, warm, as we skimmed the top of Pend Oreille.
The thud of Saxon ramming into the side of Isolde reverberated through the waves, louder than anything I’d ever heard underwater before, like listening to a building being demolished with earmuffs on. When my eyes popped back open at the sound, Isolde’s fingers released my arm, and five tiny clouds of blood fanned out from the crescent shaped slices in my skin.
I warned you.
Saxon’s voice snarled in my head.
Nearly frozen, rigid muscles remained useless as I continued to drop. In my mind, I flailed in all directions, clawing and grasping at nothing, screaming for Saxon to pull me toward the surface. But on the outside, I was still, heavy, and useless. My lungs tightened, burning while Isolde righted herself from being shoved six feet to the side, then dove for me. Her voice screamed in my head, high-pitched, manic, and completely terrorizing.
I saw you…swimming around with her. Kissing her. You worthless excuse for a Mer.
Saxon grabbed her by the tail, stopping her, pulling her upward. Her body flopped as she thrust through the surface, then slammed back into the water with a bone-breaking slap. She bellowed inside my head like a wounded animal, making my ears buzz and ache.
You’ll risk us all for some broken human? Some useless waste?
There was that word again—
useless
. And I was. My heard pounded in my throat, a panicked slam, slam, slam crashing against my skin, threatening to split it.
The beat nearly drowned out Isolde’s savage hiss.
You have to take her. It’s the law. You aren’t above the law.
His fingers barely brushed against mine as she swung her tail around with such force, I was sent downward another two feet. When it punched into Saxon’s side, he cried out, his voice pain filled and guttural. He clutched his ribs, grimacing in agony.
And my eyes slid shut.
* * *
“Open your eyes. Look at me.” Saxon’s voice was hoarse and ragged as he rocked me. “It’s OK. It’s OK. You’re safe now.”
I blinked against the raw sensation that enveloped the inside of my eyelids and looked around. We were inside of the boathouse, and it was still dark outside. “Where…where is she?”
He had narrowed his eyes, and he was still breathing hard. “Gone. For now.”
“H-how long was I out?” My throat felt raw.
“Just a few minutes.” He ran a hand through his wet hair and then swept a hand down my cheek. Despite the fact that I’d just been pulled out of the lake, my whole body was deliciously hot tub-warm. “When our fingers touched, I put you out.”
I almost didn’t hear his words over the loud thump of my pulse ringing in my ears. “
You
did that?” I asked, unable to keep the bitterness at bay. He’d promised he wouldn’t do it again. Pushing away from him, I went to sit up, but his grip remained firm.
“Stay down for a bit.” He rested his chin on top of my head. Even though I didn’t want to, I relaxed against him, listening to the beating of his heart. After a moment, he tugged my shoulders, making me look him in the eye. “You swallowed a lot of water. I just want to make sure you’re all right before you get up. Look at me.”
I obeyed, and he leaned back so that a shaft of the blue light from the full moon peeked through a hole in the old roof. “How long was I under the water?”
His eyes focused on mine. “Almost two minutes.”
“How did you get rid of Isolde?” I pressed the palm of my hand against Saxon’s chest. He’d wrapped one of my father’s old T-shirts around the five tiny cuts in my wrist. “Geez. That chick’s got a real anger issue.”
There was a twitch beneath his cheek. “It’s a miracle you’re all right. It only takes three minutes to wind up with brain damage. Even in water this cold, it’s a risk.”
I fingered the small red dots that’d soaked through the cotton. “Don’t be so sure I don’t already have it. My parents might argue differently.”
“Not funny.” He scowled.
I cleared my throat, and it stung like hell. “How did you learn that about brain damage?”
For the first time since I woke up, he smiled, but it was tight, forced. “North Idaho College, two years ago. I snuck into a physiology class.” I chuckled, and he held my chin still. “Your pupils aren’t dilated. Your throat might be sore, but I think you’re OK. How does the wrist feel?”
I pushed up into a sitting position and looked away as Saxon reached for the jeans in the bag. “I’ll survive. I’m not worried about that. But I would be lying if I said I wasn’t scared to be living a few yards away from a mermaid with a massive chip on her shoulder.” I heard him shuffling into the pants behind my back. When he stilled, I turned back. “I think you need to tell my why she wants to kill me.”
He sat back down with his arms rested on his bent knees. He locked his eyes on the floor. “I’ll take care of it. You don’t have to worry about her anymore.”
I lowered my voice and let my inner sarcasm seep to the surface. “You don’t say. Well, if it’s that simple, why don’t we go catch ourselves a werewolf while we’re at it?”
He flexed his jaw. “I said that I would take care of it.”
“Listen to me!” I grabbed his arm and shook it, catching his attention. “I’m not some damsel in distress, Sax. And if you haven’t noticed yet, I’ve been through some tough crap in my life. You know, my spine getting crushed by a semi and all.” He flinched at the mention of my injury, but I didn’t relent. “You need to be straight-up honest with me because I’m the one Isolde keeps trying to drown. I’ve got a sister and a brother who are going to be swimming in this bay in a matter of months, and I need to know how to protect them. All right?”
He watched me for a few minutes. Several times, he opened his mouth as if to speak, only to close it without uttering a single word. “You want honesty? Fine. I’ll give you honesty.” I waited for him to explain. His voice was angry. “Isolde and I have a history.”
As soon as he said it, I marveled at how human he looked. Just like every typical teenage boy who’d been busted in the thick of some overcomplicated girl drama. He brought his eyebrows up high on his forehead, and he stretched his mouth into a small, unbearably false smile.
“Oh-kay.” I swallowed the annoying urge I had to start beating my hands on the wooden plank floor of the boathouse and just folded my arms across my chest instead. I decided to use one of the lines my therapist used to use on me: “Why don’t you expound on that a little, Saxon.”
He shifted his weight and refused to meet my eyes.
Mer only mate once. It is not possible to mate with another once you’ve altered a human, and that law isn’t just carried out by the Council. It is a physical law too. Death comes to those of us who abandon our mate.
“Death?” I bit my lip. “Around here, you get the cold shoulder until you buy lakefront property, and then everyone in town thinks you’re great again.”
Sometimes Mer have relationships with each other before they’ve found a human to alter. There have been Mer who refused to choose a human because they were in love with a fellow Mer. But the Council won’t allow it. Can’t allow it. If Mers stop altering humans, our entire species would eventually die out. It really is a matter of life and death.”
When he raised his head, I realized his sheepish smile had disappeared, replaced by an angry scowl.
Isolde and I were companions. We’ve been friends since we were small. We grew up together. And when she shifted the first time, I was the one who showed her how to get to the surface before her gills sealed. I taught her how to walk on two legs. For many years, Isolde and I were inseparable.
I raised one eyebrow. “Were you lovers?”
No.
Saxon shook his head with fervor.
It was a childhood thing, that’s all.
“Do you love her?” My heart tripped.
He looked away, and the muscles in the side of his face worked as he ground his teeth together.
Maybe I did. Once.
I stiffened my shoulders. “Listen, I don’t do the whole love triangle thing. Why bother telling me you love me?”
Saxon put his arms around my middle and pulled me close, but I shook him off.
I do love you. The older we got, and the more aware Isolde became of what was expected of her, the more callous she became. Humans became pawns in a game she played. Isolde would go to the surface and tip boats for fun. She lures teenage boys into the water and then disappears, leaving them cold and tired in the lake. She’s even beguiled fishermen out of their boats before. And I couldn’t tolerate that.
“And that’s why you broke up with her?”
There was no relationship to break off. She had gone in one direction, and I went in the other.
“Meaning, she went on to have complete disregard for human life and you went off to college.”
He pulled his lips into a smile and nodded. Just once.
I started sneaking into the towns and cities, yes.
I peeked around the boathouse door at the bay. It remained still, undisturbed by the crazy murderous mermaid. “So this comes down to a jealousy thing? She freaking tried to drown me because she
envies
me? That’s crazy.”
He rubbed his face, exhaustion weighing his features down.
It’s not just that. She thinks I’m making a mistake. She thinks I’m choosing a human over duty.
My mouth went chalky, and it became hard to swallow. Talk about putting things in perspective. “And are you?”
He drew in a long breath, held it for a second, then released it slowly.
Yes. Ultimately.
“Excuse me?” My voice dropped an octave.
I can get away with it for a while. But eventually my responsibility to the clan will need to be fulfilled, and I’m not left with much choice. I won’t mate with another.
“And what happens when
eventually
comes?” I leaned closer to him, wanting to soak up as much heat as I could. It didn’t matter that I was ticked off, I wanted to feel his skin and muscle and bones next to me.
Saxon narrowed his eyes, and that long line reappeared on his forehead.
I’ll either be killed or exiled. But, considering my disregard for the rules to this point, I’ll likely be terminated.
Panic filled my chest. I couldn’t let him hurt himself for my sake. This wasn’t
Romeo and Juliet
! I loved him. I loved him more than I’d loved anything before, but that didn’t mean I wanted him to risk everything for me.
“They’re monsters!” I raised my voice, hysteria setting in. “How could you be so normal when you’ve been raised by savages?”
He put his arms around me and pressed a kiss to my hair.
They’re not savages. They’re a species trying desperately not to go extinct. The Council is doing what is best for the Mer overall. I respect that.
“By sacrificing yourself?” I held him tightly, my nails scraping his side. “I can’t let you do that. Not for me.”
Not for you?
He used his finger to tilt my chin upward, gazing into my eyes so deeply it made my insides start to sweat. He held eye contact with me for only a moment before he looked away, and I suffered that loss as acutely as I would have felt a knife to the chest. He blew out a long breath.
It’s not just about you. This is about me too. I don’t want to be a murderer. I don’t want to take a life to save my own.
I started to tremble, the realization that he’d made such a colossal choice setting in. “How much time do we have?”
His breath hitched.
We could have years. If she finds something else to focus on, she’s less likely to tell the Council what I’ve been doing. The only thing we can wish for now is that she’ll find a mate.
My gut churned, raw and acidic. “That means that someone has to die for us to be safe.”
“It’s more complicated than that.” His voice, no longer in my head, was raspy and thick. His eyes flashed, but there was sadness in the lines of his face. He tensed his shoulders and sucked in a deep breath. “Say the word. Tell me to leave. But I won’t compromise on this. I’ll put myself in exile before that happens.”
I pondered for a minute, looking upward. The sky above the broken boathouse roof was starting to lighten. The last two years of my life had been such a mess of agony, frustration, and unhappiness. I didn’t want to go back to that. And being torn apart from the one person who alleviated the ache was a one-way ticket back to the land of misery and despair. For both of us.
The silence stretched into a few minutes. Though overhead it was still a nighttime sky, the sound of birds awakening in the surrounding pine trees started to chime. Morning would arrive in the next hour or so, and my parents would be knocking on my bedroom door, telling me to get ready for school. My life had changed so drastically over the past few days. It felt as if I were watching someone else’s TV drama unfold right in front of me. But instead of being able to push pause or eject the DVD, I was living it.
“I won’t tell you to go away.” Emotion clogged my throat, nearly choking me. “If you’re going to leave, it’s not going to be because I sent you.”
Saxon’s relief was nearly tangible, washing over me like water. Shoulders dropping an inch, his muscles softened, and eyes closed for a fraction of a second. He put his hand on the back of my neck, and pulled my face in close to his. His eyes were bright and, I realized with horror, a little moist, and the pain I saw in them wounded me. I could have stared at him for another hour, rabid mermaid nearby be damned.
“Then I’m not going,” he whispered before sweeping his lips over mine.