“Who is?” He asked, furrowing his brow.
I pretended to think, but not for long. “Me. Always me.”
His features softened, the smile lines on either side of his mouth relaxing. Setting the bag down on the kitchen table, he knelt down in front of me and took my hands in his. “Thank you.”
The heat in my belly churned, and I swallowed. Hard. “It’s really no problem. I just wanted to give you something else to wear once in a while. I just wanted to…I don’t know, do something nice for you. Or, whatever.”
He used my hands to pull my chair as close as it could get. “You did something nice for me by speaking to me again.”
The air between us became thick and unbearably hot. I was thankful for my tank top. “You have incredibly low standards.”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “Why do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“You insult yourself all the time.” He slid his hands up my forearms to my elbows and positioned himself on his knees before me. “Don’t you understand how extraordinary you are?”
“You’re the one who can turn into a fish.” My voice was scratchy, and I could hardly hear it over the sound of my own heartbeat. “That’s pretty extraordinary, if you ask me.”
“Only half fish,” he corrected me with a smirk. “But look at you. On top of being one of the most uniquely beautiful humans I’ve ever laid eyes on, you’re smart. And ingenious. And considerate.” I tried to look away. The moment was getting a little too intense for me. But he followed me, moving his face so I was forced to hold his eye contact. “You survived an accident that crushed part of your spine. And now you push yourself around despite the fact that part of your body no longer works. You’re amazing.”
He closed his mouth, but his voice sounded inside of my mind.
It was the strangest of feelings, having his words reverberate inside my skull as though we stood inside of a deep cave. It reminded me of when my family went to ride bikes on the Hiawatha Trail in Montana the summer before my accident. We’d ridden through a pitch-black tunnel two miles long. The only way of knowing where my parents were was by the way their voice echoed behind me. That’s what his telepathy sounded like.
We don’t survive accidents like yours. We can recover rapidly from injuries if we’re under the water, but if we’re immobile on land, we start to shift and eventually die.
I shook my head. “I don’t understand. What do you mean?”
We take on human form, but if we can’t get to the water fast enough, we suffocate. That’s why you’re so incredible. You were irrevocably injured, and yet you still get up every day, move around, and attend school. It’s inspiring.
“Why did you come to the surface?” I held my breath as I felt him tracing lines up and down the outsides of my upper arm with his thumbs. “Why did you come to my school that day?”
His Adam’s apple bobbed as he gulped.
There are certain expectations I am required to meet.
I frowned at him. “What sort of expectations?”
He dropped his hands.
My people used to be able to mate with anyone two hundred years ago. If we fell for a human or a Mer, it didn’t matter. Love was love. But then things changed.
“How? How did they change?”
About a hundred sixty five years ago, give or take, the water started to become dirty and toxic. There are volcanoes all over the northwest, and with volcanoes come things like acid rain. Add another hundred years, and we’ve got pollution from boats and garbage in the lake. We were poisoned and became unable procreate, going through a very dark time where our entire existence nearly came to an end. Once our numbers got down into the teens, the Council passed a law.
He dragged a hand across his head, setting his hair on edge. I reached for his face, lifting his chin. It was my turn to force him to look at me. “What is it? Who is the Council? You can tell me. I won’t tell a soul.”
His eyes liquefied.
I don’t ever want to make you afraid to be around me again. I would rather die than frighten you.
“I’m not afraid anymore.” I dropped my hand to his neck and tangled my fingers in the brown waves at his nape. “Tell me.”
He pursed his lips.
We are not allowed to tell humans about the existence of Mer, and we are not to stay in human form for any longer than one passing of the sun. Above all else, once we have come of age, we are expected to keep our kind alive. Beguile a human into the water and then alter him or her into a Mer.”
My hand froze. “Beguile a human?”
He offered a defeated shrug.
We found that while we could no longer procreate with other Mer, we were still able to mate with humans. Humans, as a whole, are an incredibly fertile society. So the Council decreed that when a Mer reaches eighteen years, he or she is expected to find a human and…procreate.”
I stared at him. I could barely keep my room clean, and he was being forced to find someone to make little half-human-half-fish babies with. “So…you don’t mean right now, do you?”
He laughed.
In due time. Most Mer couples will make their life commitment to each other and then have a family after a few years. The idea is to grow into maturity with your mate. That’s why we alter humans when we are still young.”
It suddenly felt frigidly cold inside my house as I pictured Isolde’s face under the water. “Which is why you drown people.”
He nodded, looking down at the floor.
If we don’t, we are exiled. Cast out. And we don’t live long out of our element. So most Mer have just come to accept this as what we must do. We hunt for a human that fits our criteria, beguile that human into the water, and then…
I wrapped my arms around myself. I didn’t have to hear the rest.
“I’m sorry.” I pressed my hand to my mouth, and tears filled my eyes. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you were being forced to do this. I treated you so badly yesterday, I…”
What else was there to say?
I’m sorry I behaved like a bitch, even though you’ll essentially die if you don’t murder a human—and you’ve chosen
me
.
They didn’t make greeting cards for this crap.
He brushed his hands up my arms and cupped my elbows again. When he spoke, his deep voice filled the room. “You mean to tell me I just admitted that we murder people, and
you’re
the one who’s sorry?”
“You’re not proud of it.” I fisted the front of his T-shirt and willed my tears to remain unspilled. “You don’t want to do this. I can tell. I can see it in your eyes.”
He shook his head, making his hair flop onto his forehead. “No. I don’t. This isn’t the kind of being I want to be. For months, I’ve been sneaking away and going into towns along the shore. I snuck into movies and went to galleries. I walked into classrooms in the college and at different high schools and listened to what they were teaching. Humans are amazing. Their source of knowledge is limitless and ever changing, and I can’t get enough.
“My time posing as a human started out as a search for my mate, but became something more. My time walking among you humans was addictive. You don’t deserve to be murdered at random. You shouldn’t be used as tools. I still wonder how long it will be before I’m caught, especially now that Isolde knows I’ve been shifting. But I can’t stop. Not now.”
I squeezed the thin cotton and drew a breath. “Why?”
He tilted his head. “Because of you. The moment I met you, it was like a key in a lock. This is the connection that Mer don’t often find until
after
they’ve altered their human. I never expected to experience what I…”
He stopped and just stared at me, his eyes infiltrating my mind like a flashlight in the dark. The warm fuzzy feeling returned. My head swam, and I grabbed the handles of my chair to steady myself. “Don’t do that,” I whispered. “Don’t use mind control on me. You promised—”
“I’m not.” He leaned closer to me and used both of his hands to brush my hair back from my face. “Whatever you’re feeling, I’m not doing it. In fact, I’m wondering if you are doing something to me.”
My eyelids drifted shut when Saxon’s fingers brushed along my jaw. “What do you feel?”
“Dizzy.” He laughed. I could feel his warm breath on my mouth.
“You inspire me, too, you know?” His lower lip was so full and soft, I lifted a hand and touched it. I could have sworn I felt him tremble underneath my fingers. “You’re risking your life every day to learn and grow. You value human life more than most humans do.” I stopped speaking, and the silence hung between us, filled to the top with the urge we both obviously felt.
I moved first, bringing my mouth to Saxon’s with more fervency than I’d planned. Our lips molded together like clay, mine starting where his began, and vice versa, and it sent a thrilling shiver sashaying up and down my spine. When I tilted my head to the side, deepening the kiss, he slid his arms underneath me and picked me up off of my chair. I heard it roll back a few inches and bonk into the table, but ignored it and tightened my arms around his neck, digging my fingers into his messy hair.
He stood up, cradling me against his chest as he stalked into the living room and sat down in the overstuffed easy chair where Declan liked to sit while he played Wii every afternoon. When Saxon settled me across his lap, our faces parted, and we gazed at each other breathlessly. I could feel my heart pressing against the inside of my tank top and was pretty sure his was pounding in time with mine.
He brought up one of his hands to cup my cheek, and I covered it with my own. “That was some kiss.”
He nodded, just once. “It was.”
I didn’t want the moment to be over. I wasn’t done kissing him and was pretty sure I never would be. “Do it again.”
I slid my eyes shut, and explosions of bright colors went off behind my lids as his lips brushed against mine a second time. I didn’t want to be anywhere else, with anybody else, and couldn’t possibly concentrate on anything else.
Which is why I didn’t hear a key turning in the lock on the kitchen door.
Chapter Eight
“Holy crap!” My sister’s voice was so shrill some of my mother’s china might have cracked inside the cabinet.
Saxon immediately slid out from underneath me, dropping me onto the cushion with a bounce. He stood up and raked a hand through his hair just as Evey and Hayden came walking into the living room. My heart clunked in my chest, and I made a mental note to thank God later for not having my mother bust us.
“Um…how are you feeling?” Evey asked, her eyes rolling from me to Saxon. It was clear that his presence in our living room had surprised her, because pink splotches stained her cheeks.
Wiping my hand across my swollen lips, I looked up at my sister sheepishly. “I’m feeling much better, thanks. Why are you here?” I glanced over my shoulder at Hayden, who was tucked behind the doorjamb. “And…why is Hayden with you?”
Evey cleared her throat and began fiddling with her ponytail. I bit back a smile. I could tell when my kid sister was nervous. That girl liked that boy. I’d stake my left wheel on it.
“Um, I skipped Home Ec. Hayden offered to drive me here.”
My jaw dropped. “
You
skipped a class? You’ve got to be kidding me. All these years later, and my rebellious nature has finally rubbed off on you.”
She bit her lip. “Yeah. I’m a regular juvenile delinquent.” She glanced at Saxon. “Actually, I wanted to check on you. You woke up about a dozen times last night.”
You wanted to check on me
and
spend time alone with your crush.
I kept that last bit to myself. “Oh, you noticed?”
She pointed up to the cracked ceiling. “Paper thin walls, remember?”
I gestured to Saxon. “So look who came by to say hello.”
“Hi, Evey. It’s good to see you again.” He smiled down at her.
She glanced at him and shuffled in her spot. “Um, hi.”
“Hi, Hayden,” I called, motioning for him to come into the living room. “Have you met Saxon?”
Hayden adjusted his baseball cap over his blond hair and approached the rest of us. He jerked his chin in Saxon’s direction. “Um, no. Hey, man. What’s up?”
Saxon offered him an amiable smile. “Not much.”
Evey looked at my chair sitting twenty feet away. “So…whatcha up to?”
Saxon and I both spoke at the same time. “Talking.”
Hayden stifled a laugh. Evey widened her eyes in my direction as she reached for the thermostat and turned it up. “Geez, it’s freezing in here. How can you sit there in a tank top, Luna?” Her gaze bounced between the two of us a few times. “So…are you two going out now or what?”
The furnace kicked into gear with a gurgle, and a blast of warm air puffed into the room. My mother had a habit of cranking the heat as low as it could go while we were all at work and school. It was her way of living green in our archaic, energy-sucking house on the hill.
“I…well…I…” This time it was my turn to blush. That was the question of the hour. The day. Maybe even the week. What were Saxon and I to each other? I knew the secret about where he came from and what he actually was, and we’d now shared the most amazing kiss in the history of kissing. Part of me wanted to pass Saxon a note that said:
Do you like me? Check yes or no.
But the other part of me wanted to channel my inner brat, and say:
Who cares if you like me. Screw it, and screw you too!
Neither was a good idea.
“We’re together, yes.” Saxon said, without hesitating. My chest swelled when his aquamarine eyes locked on mine and one corner of his mouth turned upward.
Evey’s blonde eyebrows shot up on her forehead. “Do Mom and Dad know?”
I shook my head. “No. I mean, not yet.”
“If you’re dating someone, you have to tell them.” She punctuated her sentence by pushing up her glasses, then folding her arms across her chest.
Saxon knelt beside me and touched my arm. “I would love to meet your parents. Well, I’ve already met your father, but it would be nice to meet your mom.”
The skin beneath his touch warmed, and for a split second I was embarrassed by his affection. I hadn’t been touched by a boy in front of Evey since before my accident. She’d walked into the movie theater with some friends once when I was sitting in the back row making out with him and proceeded to announce it to my parents over meatloaf later that night. Needless to say, I’d been grounded.
Nodding, I looked down at my fingers and wondered how I was going to break the news to my dad that I was dating the one boy he’d told me to stay away from. Oh, and to top things off, he was also part
fish
.
“Why will they freak out?” Hayden asked.
Evey turned to him and teetered in her spot. Her crush on Hayden McClendon was contributing to her already prevalent awkwardness, which meant she would undoubtedly fall over before this visit was over. “My parents are a bit protective.”
“Of me, not you,” I reminded her.
Evey sighed. “I know.”
Hayden’s eyes widened, and I could have sworn a light bulb turned on above his head. “Oh, right. Because of the…” He nodded at the wheelchair in the next room.
“Argh. Yes. Because of the chair.” I could still feel my heart beating in my lips and wished more than anything that Evey and Hayden would go back to school so Saxon would kiss me again. “Everyone knows about the chair. Even Saxon, here. You don’t have to tiptoe around the subject with me, Hayden. Our parents are protective of both of us, but…they’re a bit hyperactive when it comes to me. I’m the older sister, but Evey’ll always be the one who gets to experience life first.”
Hayden looked at his watch. “Listen, Evey, we’d better go if we’re gonna make it back before the bell.”
“OK.” She pressed her lips together as she looked from me, to Saxon, then back again. He shifted uncomfortably next to me. “So…for real, Luna. If you’re dating Saxon, you’d better tell Mom and Dad.”
I looked up at Evey and straightened my shoulders. “They’ll know soon. I promise.”
Saxon squeezed my arm. “Does your house have a restroom?” His face had paled, and his lips stretched into a tight line.
“Of course it does. It’s the door right off of the kitchen.” My eyes flicked to the iron heating duct right above our heads, and my throat went dry. “Are you all right?”
He nodded and forced a tense smile at my sister, who was gaping at him like he was crazy. When Saxon headed toward the bathroom door, I noticed a taut vein in his neck.
“Dude. Why wouldn’t our house have a restroom? Is he all right?” Evey whispered.
Concern tugged my mouth downward. “Yeah. He’s just not feeling well, either. That’s…that’s why he isn’t at school.”
She kept her voice low. “Are you sure it wasn’t to come over and make out with his new girlfriend?”
“Shhh!” Pressing a finger to my mouth, I glanced at Hayden. “Thanks for helping Evey today, Hayden. You’re way cooler than your brother.”
That warranted a smile from the younger McClendon brother. “Thanks.”
I offered him a smile. “Hey, can I have just two seconds with my sis? I’ll send her out with plenty of time to sneak back on campus.”
“Sure.” He pulled his keys out of his jean pockets and raised his brows at Evey. “See you in a sec.”
We waited for the backdoor to close behind Hayden, then I grabbed Evey’s hands and yanked her down onto her knees in front of me. “Ev, he’s into you.”
“Stop it. He just gave me a ride.” She rolled her eyes, but couldn’t hide the excited twitch in her lips.
I beamed at her. She was so completely unaware of her beauty. So clueless to the fact that there was a boy out there who might actually be interested in her. “I want you to be happy. Being happy doesn’t feel as good unless you are too.”
My heart skittered in my chest. My words were true. I was happy.
Really
happy for the first time in longer than I could remember. And it wasn’t just because a boy liked me. Good grief, I wasn’t that pathetic.
I was a part of something so much bigger than the tiny bubble I rolled around in everyday. The gravity of Saxon’s very existence was bigger than our house at Moon’s Bay. Bigger than the halls at Sandpoint High. Bigger than the entire lake and the communities that surrounded it. He was living, breathing,
kissing
proof that mythological beings do, in fact, exist. And I was the only human who knew about it.
Me
. The pissy girl who tried to roll over people’s toes in the hallway with her wheelchair.
We heard the water turn on inside of the bathroom.
“Why are we talking about me?” She hissed. “You need to see if he’s OK and then get him out of here before Mom comes to check on you.”
I wrinkled up my nose. “Good point.”
Evey eyeballed the white bathroom door. “I heard Dad telling Mom that you weren’t allowed to see Saxon.”
Stubbornness coursed through my veins, and my jaw locked into place. “I’m eighteen. I can date anyone I want.”
Evey considered this. “Yeah, but they’re not going to warm up to the idea very easily if they find out you’re making out with him in the house while they’re gone.”
“Good point.” Nodding, I gestured at my chair. “Can you shove that my way?”
“Sure.” She pulled it my way, then watched as I used my arms and hips to hoist myself into the seat. “You’re getting pretty good at that. You hardly even need me anymore.”
“I’ll always need you, Ev.” I tugged my hoodie on.
“You know, you might want to be smarter about things like that.” She folded her arms across her chest, and gave the bathroom door another glance. The water still ran.
My head jerked backward. “What does that mean?”
Evey put a hand on one of my arm rests and knelt down close to me. “You barely even know this guy. We’ve caught him walking around in the woods and stripping naked. He never takes any books home from school, and Dad says he doesn’t really have any plans for after high school.”
“Wait, you don’t understand—”
“No, listen.” She gave me a stern glare. “You can’t just let him come into our house when nobody else is home. Not before you really know him. Your chair was clear in the kitchen. What if he tried to hurt you?”
Anger swelled inside of me, and my skin suddenly felt too tight. Sure, she was just looking out for me, but I was so sick of being treated like an imbecile. For two years my parents had practically swaddled me in bubble wrap, and now my sister was going to join in? Besides, she had Saxon so wrong. He was the opposite of dangerous. I actually felt safer with him around. Safe from what? I didn’t know. But I had a nagging suspicion I would find out eventually.
I leaned forward in my seat so that my elbows rested on my knees, my face just a few inches from Evey’s. “Listen to me. He is not dangerous. Not at all.” I spoke deliberately. He would never hurt me.”
She shook her head. “You don’t know that. He could, like, attack you while you’re stuck somewhere, and—”
The water turned off in the bathroom, so I put my damp palm over Evey’s mouth. “Stop,” I hissed. “He is not a threat. If he were going to hurt me, he would have already. He’s already had the chance.” Her green eyes widened behind her glasses, and I went on. “Do you trust me?”
She nodded behind my hand, her eyes the size of golf balls as the bathroom lock flipped open.
I took a breath to ease my temper. “Good. Then listen to me. There are much worse things to worry about than Saxon. He’s not what we should fear. Do you understand me?”
“Are you two all right?” Saxon came into the living room with water droplets glistening on his face and neck. His hair had been wet down again and was dripping onto his shoulders.
I dropped my hand and rolled toward him. “We’re fine. Girl talk and all that. Evey has a crush on Hayden, but she’s too chicken to ask him out.”
“Luna!” Evey growled.
I reached for Saxon’s hand. “Are you feeling all right? Is it too warm in here?”
A self-conscious glance was thrown Evey’s way. “Yes. But I’m fine now.”
“Too warm?” Evey scrambled onto her feet just as a horn honked outside. “What’s wrong?”
I spun my chair around. “Nothing. Listen, we’ll finish this talk later.”
“All right. I’ll see you after practice.” She looked up at Saxon. “Um…see ya.”
“Bye.” Saxon watched as Evey let herself through the backdoor and then bent down to press a kiss against my forehead. “I should go. Can you walk me home?”
I gave him a strange look. “Um…no. Can I roll you home?”
He chuckled. “Sorry. So you’ll
roll
me home?”
I shrugged. “It’s how I roll.”
“I don’t understand half the things you say.” He ran a hand through my hair, and let it come to rest at the back of my neck.
“I don’t want you to go.” I tugged on the hem of his shirt. “Our time together always come in such small doses. Why do you have to leave?”
“Because your sister is right.” He bore his gaze into mine. “If your mother comes home and finds us alone together, she’ll get the wrong idea.”
I grimaced. “Oh, you heard that?”
He nodded. Just once. “I did.”
“I’m sorry, she was just—”
He tangled his fingers with mine, and my skin fired underneath my hoodie. “She was being a good sister. That’s how it should be.” Releasing my hand, he scooped the garbage bag off of the counter. He moved toward the door and opened it, and the cool April air danced its way into the kitchen. “Come on.”
I followed Saxon out the door and down the ramp, pointing down toward our weathered old dock. The uneven wood gave hellacious splinters, but it had come with the house. And much like the boathouse, my dad hadn’t gotten around to repairing it yet. “The boathouse is down there, by the dock. You can store your stuff in there and use our dock if you want.”
He bowed his head at me. “I don’t deserve your kindness.”
I reached for his hand. Once I’d caught it, I tugged, bringing him down so we could see eye to eye. “No, Sax, I don’t deserve your kindness.”
I pressed my lips to his again. Invisible electrical sparks shot from where our mouths united, down my neck and arms, right to the tips of my fingers. In one moment, all of the air in my lungs disappeared and I was drowning in our kiss. Swirling closer and closer to losing consciousness, but I didn’t care. All that mattered was that we’d found solace in each other. Both of us from different things, but peace nonetheless.