Authors: Kelli Bradicich
“You guys should have seen Emmy today,” Sebastian exulted, plucking an apple from the fruit bowl. “She showed those girls something
.”
“Sebastian
.” Emmy frowned.
“Tell us. What did she do?” Ingrid asked, turning to face them.
Sebastian glanced at Emmy.
By the time Ingrid and Kristian looked at her she crum
pled. “I swam across the river and back- to prove to the girls that it was possible to swim without the boys.”
“That’s okay, Em,” Ingrid said, quietly, but visibly disturbed. Aside from Ingrid clanging metal bowls, the room silenced. Her mother added, “Really, I’m fine. It’s great. We don’t want you to be afraid.”
“There were people on the bank watching me. It was safe.” She thought again about the girl in black.
Sebastian jumped in, “The girls wouldn’t get in. It was hot. Emmy hated hanging around looking pretty for the boys, so…”
“You’re blathering, Sebastian,” Emmy snapped, turning her back on him.
“I need to trust that you’ll only swim at times like that when other people are around, Emmy,” Ingrid said. “It’s not me being weird about that river. It’s a regular water safety rule.”
Kristian sat at the wooden table and folded boxes for the quiches. “Actually, there’s been heavy rain up through the ranges. It might be best to stay out of the water until the swell comes through. We don’t know how big it will be until it gets here.”
Chapter Thirty One
Wind made the conifers and blue gums bow and dance. Emmy lay awake and waited. She knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep until Sebastian came to her. It made her smile when she heard the door open and close and the lock turn. Sebastian skipped up the stairs and stood above her. She patted the bed in invitation. He plunged down under the covers, wine strong on his breath.
“You’re smiling,” he said.
“I’m happy you’re here. I wondered if tonight would be the night you stopped coming to see me.”
“I’d tell you.”
“Things are so weird between us during the day.”
“Are they?”
“Really? You don’t think so.”
“What do you mean?”
“Maybe it
’s my imagination.”
“Maybe.”
Sebastian pulled her down on his chest and stroked her back.
Emmy thought some more.
“But even Libby said today it was different with us.”
“Of course it
’s going to be different with us. Our relationship has changed.”
“But it
’s tense, Sebastian. For me. During the day, I mean.”
“And at night?”
“It feels like I get you back again. But tonight I didn’t think you’d come, after today.”
“I will always tell you if I’m not going to sleep here. This feels like my bed now. This is where I sleep the best.”
“I can’t believe you’ve been doing all these things all our life and you’ve never told me. I thought we told each other everything.”
Sebastian laughed
. “Come on Emmy. It’s not that big a deal.”
His eyes twinkled with mischief and she wanted to make them stop. Things weren’t right between them.
“Are you here to avoid sleeping across the hall from Mum and Kristian?”
“It’s an added bonus.”
“But not the only reason?”
He smiled, pulling her face towards him. “Definitely not,” he said, kissing her.
Emmy tasted the wine on his tongue.
She pushed him back onto the pillow.
“So how about you?”
She edged up beside him.
“Me?”
“Why are you here with me like this?”
“I saw the way all those girls were hanging off your every word and I thought I was going to lose you to them.”
Emmy felt Sebastian stiffen. “Say that again.”
“I was scared you’d end up with one of them and not me.”
“So you are here with me to stop me from going out into the world and being with someone else.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
Sebastian sat up, throwing his legs over the side of the bed. “It’s suffocating
, Em. That’s what.” He pulled his pants on and grabbed his shirt.
“I didn’t want to lose you,” she said.
“It’s not the right reason,” he called back as he clomped down the stairs.
He slammed the door.
Emmy sat in the quiet longer than she could stand it. She pulled on a shirt and headed out into the dark. It was hard to know what was scarier, wandering around in the night shadows or being alone in her room wondering if it would be that way forever.
Sebastian wasn’t hard to find. She spotted his shape hunched over at the river’s edge.
Emmy walked down to him, pausing a few metres away.
He didn’t turn around.
“Follow me,” she said, walking along the bank and into the protection of the trees at the river bend. She stopped at the spot that they’d first kissed.
When she turned around he hadn’t followed her. Alone, the shadows seemed to rise around her. She hated this kind of fear. It never used to be this way for her. She was surrounded by blacks and greys shifting and changing shape a
nd a rising river chuckled beside her. The prospect of going back to see Sebastian had left her was too much.
She sat on a rock. She watched leaves and debris pass her by, caught in the currents of the river. Her imagination came into play. Every creak and snap conjured up the sense she was being watched. The bush had been her home for a lifetime, but since the party it was a place she feared to be alone in. Nothing felt safe anymore.
In the quiet, she heard footsteps. Unable to work out where they were coming from or whose they were, she tensed but stayed still. She spun around when the noises they made came closer. Whoever or whatever it was it was behind her. It couldn’t be Sebastian.
She backed up, bending to pick up a rock
, freezing only when the person stepped out into full view. It was Sebastian.
“You scared me,” she said.
He sat on the rock she’d been sitting on. That’s when she noticed he was carrying a bottle of wine. He took a swig from it.
She dared to move closer. She sat beside him.
He offered her a drink.
She shook her head.
“I don’t know how you can handle not drinking with the way things are around here,” he said.
“I don’t like drinking out of the bottle.”
“I’ve probably backwashed anyway.”
“That’s not what would bother me,” she said
, laughing.
“Yuk,” he laughed with her.
“So now are you going to tell me you won’t be coming to my room anymore?”
“I don’t want to say that.”
“I don’t want you to want that.”
“Then why are you with me really, Em? Is it to stop me from having a life?”
“No. I mean what I say. I saw the way girls were looking at you and talking about you…”
“They were talking about me? What were they saying?”
“Kind of beside the point, Sebastian.”
“Sorry
.” He smirked. “I like the attention I get from girls sometimes.”
“I thought you didn’t notice.”
“I do.”
Emmy laughed and felt like reaching for the bottle herself for a swig just to ease the stress of the moment. “I’m scared I can’t say what you want to hear from me,” she said eventually.
“Emmy, just tell me why you think you are with me. And be honest.”
Her legs were shaking. She sat down. “I am with you….because…. I can’t imagine it any other way.”
“Well, that’s enough. It’s all I needed to hear.”
Chapter Thirty Two
Something jabbed at Emmy’s shoulder. She stirred, but couldn’t be bothered opening her eyes. Sebastian grunted and curled his body around hers.
“Wake up. Both of you.”
Emmy turned her head slowly and opened one eye
. “Mum?”
“Ingrid,” Sebastian mumbled
. “What’s wrong?”
“The door was locked. I turned everything upside down in the kitchen looking for a key that we haven’t used in years. We don’t have locked doors in this place.”
“You could have knocked. We would have heard you.”
Emmy wet her lips with her tongue
. “I don’t like sleeping with the doors unlocked anymore.”
“She gets scared on her own.”
“Okay you two, get up. I think we need to talk.”
“What about?” Sebastian asked.
Emmy looked at him sideways. She knew he thought Kristian and Ingrid were about to come clean. Their eyes locked. They slid out of bed in their underwear. Sebastian pulled on shorts and his shirt and followed Ingrid. Emmy pulled a dress from her cupboard. She took her time.
*
The first thing Emmy noticed was the frown on Kristian’s face, when they faced him in the kitchen.
The ticking clock was as loud as a drum. It was 7:20.
“Have you had breakfast already?” she asked, noticing that the kitchen was as clean as they’d left it the night before.
“I think you both need to sit down,” Kristian said, taking a seat at the head of the table.
Ingrid joined him.
Emmy sat beside Sebastian. They exchanged a quick glance.
“At least they sound serious,” Sebastian said to her under his breath.
“Sebastian, I don’t think…” but Emmy was interrupted.
“Of course, we’re serious. This is a big thing that’s going on here. You’re both still so young.”
“It was hard at first,” Sebastian said, looking from Kristian to Ingrid. “But we kind of accept it now.”
Ingrid’s eyebrows jumped high into her fringe. “You accept it?”
“We don’t think you know what you’re doing,” Kristian added.
“What do you mean? What
we’re doing?” Sebastian snapped. He turned to Emmy, “They’re talking about us.” He looked back at Kristian, checking. “I think.”
“What did you think we were talking about?” Ingrid asked Sebastian, before Kristian could reply.
“We thought you were going to tell us about what’s been going on between the two of you. Finally. You know, openly talk about it. Instead of everyone pretending not to see what’s happening.”
Aside from a gaping mouth and a snort, Kristian and Ingrid appeared to be at a loss.
It was a surprise even to Emmy when she spoke first, “You’ve been sleeping in the same bed since the night Maya died. You’re the ones who started locking the doors. Sebastian and I lock the doors because I get scared. I don’t like sleeping on my own. Anything could happen.”
“Those damn papers,” Ingrid cursed.
Emmy stared at the floor. It wasn’t just the papers.
Kristian leaned back in his chair, pulling his hair back off his face, shaking his head in frustration. Then, he leant forward, “This isn’t about us. You both know we’re talking about you and this preten
ce can stop right now. You’re going about this the wrong way.”
“Kristian. Take a breath,” Ingrid said.
Emmy felt like running. Her lips felt large and clumsy and tears began to slide down her cheeks.
Sebastian wrapped an arm around her.
She shrugged him off.
“Sebastian?” Ingrid prodded. “You’re sleeping together…in the same bed. We just want to know what’s going on here?”
“Are you having sex?” Kristian asked.
Sebastian nodded.
“Is it safe sex?”
Sebastian shook his head.
“What’s safe sex?” Emmy whispered.
Kristian looked at Ingrid. “You need to talk to her. I will talk to him.”
“Let’s talk it out together,” Ingrid said quietly.
“I always thought you would come to us when you were ready,” Kristian said. “I thought it’d be something we talked about.”
“But then Mum died. And everyone stopped talking.” Sebastian argued.
Kristian and Sebastian looked at each other. Kristian tapped at the table as though his fingers had a life of their own. “I think you could have come to me.”
“So are we talking about full sex here?” Ingrid asked.
Emmy sat uncertainly wishing she had a moment to consult a dictionary. She now no longer knew what it actually was that she was owning up to. Safe sex. Full sex.
“Full,” Sebastian confirmed.
“But not safe?” Ingrid added.
“I’ll get him some condoms. You might need to take her to a doctor for birth control,” Kristian said to Ingrid.
“I’m not going to a doctor,” Emmy said.
“When was your last period?” Kristian asked.
“I don’t know.”
“You could be pregnant.”
“I’m due soon. It just comes whenever.”
“How long has it been happening?”
Emmy looked to Sebastian
. “A couple of weeks.”
“Every night? For a couple of weeks.”
“Not every night. Not fully,” Sebastian said.
Kristian turned to Ingrid
. “She needs a doctor.”
“I think we should drive to the city.”
Kristian nodded.
“We were always going to be together one day,” he said. “Mum knew. She told me to always look after Em.”
“That’s my job,” Ingrid said. She waved her hand between herself and Kristian. “No
we
can do that.
We
can look after the both of you.”
“I don’t believe this
.” Kristian shook his head slowly.
Emmy felt the shake in Sebastian’s leg. As he spoke the words, they echoed through his chest. “You’re both too wound up in each other,” he continued. “You’ve forgotten we’re here half the time.”
“I told you they wouldn’t be able to handle us being together yet Kristian,” Ingrid said.
“It’s not up to them,” he said, turning back to Emmy and Sebastian, poking at the table top as he made his point. “Ingrid and I are together and that’s the way it is. We are adults. We know what we’re doing and we don’t have to explain ourselves to anyone.”
“What about Mum?” Sebastian demanded. “What would she think?”
They fell silent. Emmy grew conscious of the sounds of Mercy River hissing as it rushed through the valley below.
“I know your mother would approve,” Kristian said. “I know she would.”
Emmy’s body felt weak as though it had been poisoned.
“It sounds like you are convincing yourself of that Dad.”
Sebastian started to cry.
“Maya was wise. She would understand and love us no matter what,” Ingrid said.
“It shouldn’t have happened. Not on the first night she died
.” Sebastian raised his voice. “You locked that bedroom door and the two of you were in there together. I could hear you.”
“So did you go and sleep with Emmy to get back at us?”
“I went to sleep with Emmy so I wouldn’t have to lie awake to hear it. I didn’t want to be on my own.”
“Neither did we,” Ingrid said.
“I hated being alone too.”
“So why is everyone getting so upset?” Sebastian asked.
“Son, if you’re locking the door, you knew you had something to hide. I don’t believe for a second it was because Emmy was scared.”
“Well you should know why doors need to be locked. Can’t deny that Dad.”
“I was. I am scared.” Emmy said, thinking back to the night at the party.
Emmy pulled away from them and went to lean against the sink
, afraid she would be sick.
“We made a mistake,” Ingrid said, her voice shaking. “I think we did, Kristian. Don’t you think so?”
Sebastian wiped a stray tear from his face. “Do you have to ask, Ingrid? Of course it was a mistake.”
“Don’t cry. Let’s not cry,” Emmy said, but nobody heard.
“Is that what you both think?” Kristian said.
Ingrid touched Kristian’s arm
. “He’s right, Kristian. It was too soon for everyone.”
“We live by our rules up here,” Kristian defended. “No one else’s.”
Emmy stood tall and cleared her throat. “It was too soon, Kristian. No one was ready for it.” When they looked at her, Emmy felt like shrinking down onto the hard wood floor. Instead, she blurted another accusation to her mother. “You’ve traded me in for Kristian. We never talk anymore.” And then the final bombshell tumbled out of her mouth. “And Sebastian’s been drinking…alcohol.” She bit her lip. It was coming out wrong. But it was coming out.
Ingrid and Kristian’s attention snapped back to Sebastian.
“What?” he said.
“No. Why?” Kristian asked. “Why do you steal the wine? You think it’s cool?”
“It just feels better when I’ve had a bit of it. Everything hurts less. It helps me sleep.”
Ingrid and Kristian both looked sad. Their gaze stayed on Sebastian. Silence filled the room.
Sebastian started to fidget. He pointed at Emmy, tears raining down his face. “Tell them how you know Emmy. Tell them how you know.”
“I smell it on his breath every night.” Emmy hung her head and gave up fighting tears. “This is not the way it’s meant to be up here. It’s our home, our rules. We aren’t here to bring each other down.”
“No. Tell them how you found out, Emmy!” Sebastian shouted.
Ingrid and Kristian stared at her
, wide-eyed.
“This is not how we treat each other,” Emmy said.
“She stole a whole box of wine. Ask her what she did with it,” Sebastian said.
“Emmy, really?” Ingrid squeaked.
“I thought wine was going missing. It looks as though we need a lock on the cellar door, then don’t we?” Kristian said flatly. “I was thinking it was an outside job. Can’t trust anyone here now in our own family. How sad is that? ”
“We never speak to each other like this,” Emmy cried.
“Emmy? Why did you take the wine?” her mother asked, gently.
“Because I believed these stupid girls who told me their friends were turning Libby against me. They said if I gave them the wine they would like me. I got the wine. They took it. They still don’t like me.”
Ingrid, Kristian and Sebastian stared at her.
“It sounds kind of pathetic now,” she said quietly.
“It’s not like you,” Kristian said.
“I was trying to hold onto Libby.”
“If you both weren’t so tied up in each other, maybe Emmy would’ve had someone to talk to about it.”
“I want Maya back,” Emmy moaned. “I don’t want to live like this anymore. I want things to go back to the way they were. I want the chance to tell her she was wrong. We’re much better off up here without everyone down in Mercy Falls interfering, making things tougher. This has all started since we’ve been trying to go down there.”
“We’d all love her to be here,” Kristian murmured.
“This is the way things are going to be,” her mother said. “We have to learn to be here without her. And be happy.”
“We’re all so happy now right?” Emmy said, striding out the door. It swung shut behind her. All she wanted to do was hide, be alone, pretend for a while that she was young, and everyone was still alive, happy. A long time ago her biggest worry was learning to swim in Mercy River. The worst had happened. Disappointment was tougher than anything.
*
Emmy lay on her bed face down in the pillow, unable to stop crying. Her body let go of everything. Sobbing took the last bit of fight out of her. Ingrid sat on the bed beside her. Emmy felt gentle strokes through her hair, down her arms and across her back.
Her mother whispered in her ear, “It’s okay to be sad. There’s a lot to be sad about. You can be as sad as you need to be for as long as you want.”
The sobs gave way to silent tears. Below them, the river shushed her, lulling her into a state of peace. The crying eventually stopped with a deep sigh.
“That’s it, Em. Good girl. Sighs are our body’s way of releasing negative energy.”
Emmy hadn’t been aware of the stiffness and tension in her body until it had gone, replaced by calm, a sense of real tranquillity. “Where’s Sebastian?” she asked.
“Kristian is with him.”
“We all turned against each other. Even me and Sebastian.”
“It brought out the truth. Things we can’t ignore.”
“We can’t let it get that bad again.”
“Everything’s going to be okay.”
“We don’t know that for sure, Mum. Not really, do we?”
“We need to pull together as a family again. Put this behind us.”