Authors: Glenna Maynard
“Is living next to me going to be a problem for Audrey?” Cam questions as we get in the car.
“I don’t think so. I mean, she will get used to seeing you, in time. She really loved Joe, ya know?” I hope that Cam being around might do Audrey some good. Be the hard dose of reality she needs to snap her back to the land of the living. I’m not saying she needs to start dating. However, getting out of her manic depressive spiral would be a start.
“Is she paying us rent for her apartment? How does that all work?”
I swallow and think of my next words carefully. Cam, like Ma, doesn’t seem to be an Audrey fan. He doesn’t know her, yet. She’s a wonderful person, she’s just a bit lost right now. Joey kept her grounded. He was her world.
“As I’ve told you, Audrey was living with Joe, well he was planning to propose that night. He had asked Ma for Grandma Mundie’s ring. It was in his pocket when he died…” I have to choke back my tears to continue. If only I was a good sister and had just been happy for him. I shake my head continuing with what I want to say. “Joe, well...you know how practical he was. He had a plan for everything. He knew he wanted to spend his life with Audrey from the start. When Grandfather left us the money, Joe had a will made up.” I steal a glance at my brother. He’s looking out the window, only when he looks at me and nods for me to finish I see that he is listening. “He left his part of the business and his apartment to Audrey, she’s now our third partner.”
“Huh,” he says with a grunt. “Guess Ma wasn’t happy about that.”
“She hasn’t said much about it surprisingly.”
His knee is bouncing, and I wonder if being home is too much for him. What I know that our family doesn’t is that Cameron was discharged six months ago. He’s been in a mental health facility, until yesterday. Joe didn’t even know. That’s the real reason he couldn’t attend Joe’s memorial, he didn’t have clearance for his safety and ours. The first few months he was in the hospital he was violent, and would have episodes where he thought he was still in combat, and well…it wasn’t pretty.
“Hey, you okay?” I ask as we pull up to our childhood home.
“Just ready to take my bike out. Dad said he had it serviced last week and took it down the block.”
Cam has always had a habit of running away when things get to be too much. I wasn’t shocked when he enlisted in the Army at the rate he was going. Smoking pot and stealing cars. Not exactly something you want to stick around and face punishment for. He’s no longer a troubled youth, beside me now is a hardened man.
The birdhouse mailbox greets us as I park. The boys built it, and I painted it for Mother’s Day, years ago. I can’t believe it’s still standing, we did such a crap job, but Ma loved it. She made dad put it on a post first thing that morning.
Cam stretches his legs and makes to get out. Ma and Dad are already running out the door and down the steps of the white two-story colonial. Ma is crying of course, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing his cheeks.
Even our hard ass dad has a few wet streaks on his face as he pats Cameron on the back gruffly. “Welcome home son.” His brown eyes crinkle as he tries to hide his tears.
Only thing missing is Joe. It still doesn’t seem real that he’s gone.
I trail behind, following them inside.
Fake flower arrangements from the funeral are still on display, Ma won’t part with them. Cards of condolences also clutter the coffee table in the living room. Dad sits in his recliner, Cameron takes up the loveseat, leaving me to sit on the couch with Ma.
Pictures of our youth paper the walls. I don’t miss being dressed to match Cam. Ma always loved buying us matching Dick and Jane outfits.
“Is your bag in the car?” Ma asks.
“Nah, it’s at the apartment. I just came over to grab some things and pick up my bike. I’m eager to pick up where Joe left off with the business. I’m sure Cass could use a break. I take it she’s been running things alone since everything.”
“Nonsense, you’re staying here tonight. I’m cooking your favorite. We have people coming.”
“Damn it Ma!” Cam snaps. “I’m not in the mood for that.”
Her chin trembles with unshed tears. My brother shoves up from his chair, stomping through the house, and going out the back door.
“Let me go,” I tell her raising from my chair before she can charge after him.
Out back, I find him on his knees at Joe’s grave. I hang back a minute giving him this moment to be alone and accept that our brother is truly gone.
Gasping for air, I rush out the back door clutching my chest. Across the patio I see my brother’s grave in the family cemetery, solidifying he’s gone. I walk over and fall to my knees at his headstone. “Joe,” I grit out. “What were you thinking brother? You always were stubborn. You aren’t here to take the focus off me and my fuck ups. I need ya brother.”
Tracing my fingers over the edges of his name on the marble, I wish like hell I was lying here instead of him. Joe was the good kid, the one who was meant to have a good life, making our family proud. Not me, I’m the screw up.
“I saw your girl this morning. I can see why you fell for her, she’s a beauty. I don’t think she much cares for my ugly mug,” I joke, knowing he’d find it funny under different circumstances that seeing me had her fleeing the room.
Cassie places a hand on my shoulder and I grip it tight. She doesn’t say a word; she doesn’t need to.
“What times this shindig kicking off?”
“Around five or so. If you don’t want to go through with it, Ma will understand. She is just excited to have you back.”
I know she is; I feel like an ass. I didn’t mean to snap at her, but I don’t need a bunch of fuckers that barely know me making over me like I'm some sort of goddamn hero, or telling me how sorry they are about Joe. I hate that fake sympathy bullshit. Because that is all it is-
shit
.
“Tell Ma, I’ll be back for her dinner party.”
“Sure thing Cam. Ride safe.”
Cassie knows me better than I know myself most days. Twin-intuition or some shit.
Back inside, I find my keys on the hook by the garage door. I don’t waste anytime firing my girl up and hitting the road.
Gravel flies behind me as I punch it and swerve onto the main road with no idea of where I’m riding to. I just need a moment to myself before I have to put on a show for Ma and her friends.
I drive around Clemons in search of something, but I don’t know what. I end up at the bar and hanging with Lewis. I forgot how much fun the dude is for a laugh. He shows me the ropes of running the bar.
I can tell he has something on his mind. We’re shooting the shit behind the bar.
“Out with it Lewis, you have something to say to me.”
“I just want you to take it slow, no need to dive in head first and overwhelm yourself is all. I’m just saying I got you is all.”
“Appreciate it man, but I’m good. I need to jump in and get into a routine.”
He’s serving drinks and I take this time to get to know the faces of my employees and our usual customers. I’m doing good, nothing is setting off my anxiety, until Audrey comes out of the kitchen and stares at me. I try my best to ignore her, but every breath I take I can feel her watching me, studying me, mentally comparing me to my brother.
It’s too much, I feel as if I am drowning under her scrutiny. I can’t stop looking at her either though. My mind seems to think we know each other; I keep trying to place her face.
She’s everywhere I go. I even see her peeping from the backdoor when I throw out the trash.
I wait a few minutes and go to the employee bathroom to wash my hands. When I come out she is outside the door, going into the DJ booth.
Having had enough, I snap. “What the fuck do you keep starting at me for!”
She doesn’t answer me and continues to stare, even though the bar has gone quiet and everyone is watching, waiting for something more to happen.
I try to ignore her and go back to serving beer from the tap.
I can feel her eyes piercing my skin. I’m not used to being so affected by a woman.
I walk out from behind the bar, grab her by her elbow, and pull her down the hall where the bathrooms are. She comes without hesitation, letting me pull her into the privacy of the storeroom for the mops and other cleaning supplies.
I flip on the light still holding onto her. Only now that we are closed up in the small room together do I catch a scent of her; she smells of fresh honeysuckle.
Delicious
. Her sad green eyes try to hold me captive as she longs for my brother. I shake my head, I’m not Joe, never will be.
I won’t be any man’s stand in.
“Look, it’s Audrey right?” I try to be nice and keep my cool.
Her lashes flutter and she smiles faintly. Her beauty steals my breath away and I am hit with a sense of Déjà vu. I suck in a deep breath. She doesn’t need to be looking at me like I’m her lifeline. I’m nobody’s hero.
“I’m not Joe, I’m not that sweet man. I’m an asshole. I don’t give a shit about your feelings, or the fact that he was supposedly going to marry you. I don’t need you staring at me. I don’t need you hating me for having a face like his. I don’t need your self-pity bullshit! So stay out of my way and I’ll do my best to stay of yours.” I know it sounds harsh, but she needs to be clear that I won’t have her following me around like a lost puppy.
She gawks at me, her mouth opens and shuts. Her somber eyes widen with shock, and her hand comes up to touch me, but my reflexes are too quick. I shoot her down, knocking her hand away.
I don’t know what she was planning on doing, but with the way she is looking at me it was nothing anything good could come from.
“I don’t need you touching me either!” I grit through my teeth at her, afraid her touch will feel all too good. Her breasts are peeking out of the top of her low-cut shirt and I can’t help wonder how they taste. My mind is racing, wondering why I feel I’ve met her away from my family. Sure, Joe talked about her, but he never showed me a picture.
“Fuck you buddy. You don’t know a motherfucking thing about me.”
Her dirty mouth makes my cock jump and I have to fight the urge to shut her up with a kiss.
I feel crazy.
I’m in trouble.
This is trouble.
I’m attracted to her, and I think she feels a connection to me too. A connection that has nothing to do with Joe. Confusion is written all over her pretty face as her thick lips turn into a snarl.
Maybe
it’s lust.
Maybe
we’re both just broken and lonely.
I come back at her with a lame response. “Yeah, I don’t want to know you either.” Slamming the door behind me, making sure to drive my point home, I walk away before I give in and kiss her.
Moments later, I’m helping Freddie bust a few tables when I see Audrey step out of the storeroom, wiping at her eyes.
I don’t want to care that I made her cry, but seeing her so vulnerable, I want to run to her, take her in my arms, and say I’m sorry.
I don’t even know why.
I don’t know her and she don’t know me.
We manage not to cross paths the rest of the day, Audrey hangs in the back office while I stay up front. Maybe she will sell us her part of the business. There’s no reason for her to stick around. Joe’s gone, she isn’t family.
I get ready to head back over to Ma’s for my ‘party,’ and thankfully Audrey isn’t on the guest list. I don’t know why I can’t get this chick off my mind. Maybe it’s just that she’s pretty, and I’ve not been around any attractive available women. Well, Audrey isn’t on the market, but she’s gorgeous. When I am getting ready to leave she takes to the stage to sing as the night crowd starts filing in.
Her eyes look everywhere but at me, and damn it if I don’t want her eyes to meet mine, even though I told her I didn’t want her to stare at me.
When she won’t it about kills me. I stay around a few minutes, curious to hear her sing.
I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I wasn’t prepared for a voice from the past to come out of her mouth.
She starts out soft and low singing the song Hello, by that Adele chick.
My mind travels back to before I enlisted.
Three years ago
This brown haired beauty I’ve been seeing hang around Dusty Rose’s, a low-end bar in Legacy, takes up the stool next to me. I’ve heard her sing, she has a sultry voice that caresses your senses, and you want nothing more than to listen to her all damn day and night. She can barely hold her head up right now though, she’s as drunk as I wish I were. Her eyes gloss over as they roll back in her head. She slumps against my shoulder and I bump her off. I’m not in the mood for this shit tonight of all nights. Felecia dumped me, called me a loser. Said I’d end up kicked out of boot camp within the first week. Fuck her, I don’t need her.
My brother was supposed to come out with me tonight, but he had to study for some stupid test. Good ol’ Joe always doing the right thing. He’s never missed a day of school in his life. Not even in high school. He would never take part in skip days, afraid it would hurt his precious GPA.
I’m proud of my brother, I wish I were more like him. One of those guys that always does the right thing. I’m not though. I’m the one that makes all the mistakes, and fucks up everything good that comes my way. The military is my last shot to prove to my family and myself that I’m more than a criminal.
The woman next to me falls against me again, only this time her head lands in my lap. I stroke her dark hair from her face as I down the last of my beer.
“That feels good,” she purrs, looking up at me with half-closed eyes. “Can you drive me home?”
“Where’s home?” I question, not really interested, but her head in my lap, and her pretty mouth have my cock thinking other ideas.
“Motel 6,” she whispers then hiccups.
I know the motel, partied there a few times. It’s just down the street. We can walk, if she’s able.
“Come on, I’ll walk you.” I lift her head and try to position her on the stool again. I stand up to get a twenty from my wallet to pay my tab, and she jerks upright before her head can hit the bar.
She needs to sleep this shit off.
“Come on,” I say gruffly taking her in my arms like were fucking newlyweds. She drifts in and out of consciousness as I walk down the sidewalk with a would be corpse, she is so damn stiff. Her head hangs over my arm, lolling from side to side as she moans low. I hope she doesn’t puke on me. We reach our destination, and I prop her up against the wall by the office. “Room number and key?”
She reaches her hand down the top of her shirt and into her bra. I snort as she hands me a keycard. This drunken hot mess piece of ass kicks her shoes off and starts running for the pool.
Fuck, just what I need, for her to get a second wind and drown.
Picking up her heels, I jog to catch up with her, hooking my arms around her tiny waist before she takes the plunge into the cold water.
“Oh no, you’re going to bed.” This chick has some spunk.
“You going to put me there,” she says with a smirk. Her smile widens to her eyes. Damn, I didn’t realize how pretty she really is. Her dark hair frames her face and she has the most kissable thick lips.
Her nails dig into my arm as I walk her backwards toward the room. She giggles, nearly tripping over a cement parking barrier.
I catch her by her elbow, preventing her from falling.
Her red lips touch against mine briefly, so soft and inviting. I have to remind myself that she’s way too intoxicated for me to let things go further, despite the hardening of my dick against the seam of my zipper begging to differ.
I steal a glance at her key, 102. Thank God, I don’t have to walk her up the stairs. This chick is biting my ear and licking my neck as I unlock the door. She isn’t making it easy for me to put her to bed and end the night there.
I try to put her shoes on the table while she tugs on my hand. “You gonna stop playing with my shoes and fuck me or what?” Okay, yeah she wants to, but if she wasn’t so damn drunk off her ass would she still want me?
I get her shoes and key card on the table after a great effort and she pulls me down into the bed. You wouldn’t think someone so small could be so strong, her thick long hair, probably weighs more than she does. Her tongue is down my throat and her hands are down my pants before I can even take a breath.
“Slow down wildcat,” I say with a chuckle as she tears at my buckle like a rabid animal. “We have all night.” I wink.
“You’re hot,” she compliments me, running her hands up my stomach. Her touch is like a match to gasoline. My heartrate jumps through the roof; I want her so bad.
“You too,” I reply feeling like an idiot. This hot as hell woman wants to fuck, and all I can do is feel guilty that she’s stupid drunk. Indecision is weighing on me, but I am saved from the choice when she falls back on the pillows and starts to snore.
I roll her to her side, wrestle the covers from under her, and tuck her in. Going to the bathroom, I grab the small trashcan, placing it near her head, in case she wakes up and has to puke. Checking the mini-fridge she doesn’t have anything to drink. I know she isn’t my responsibility, but I don’t want to leave her without at least making sure she has water, and something to put on her stomach when she awakens.
Taking the room key, I go in search of a vending machine. I find a couple of snack machines by the pool. It takes me three tries to get the machines to take my crumpled bills, but I manage to get her some crackers, along with a bottled water.