Withholding Secrets (2 page)

As I skated around the rink, looking at the new team and a couple of the players who wouldn’t make it this year due to conditioning reasons and changes of the boundaries, my eyes were opened to a new era. This was it; coaching was what I wanted to do next in my life.

Turning thirty had me thinking about what I wanted for the rest of my life. I owned the hottest club in the downtown area. The damn place made more than enough money by itself. And I purchased the old ice rink to the south of the bustling downtown and had it all renovated and running. My life was focused on the semi-pro team, but as my birthday was approaching, the semi-pro team was as far as I would go with my age. Once you hit thirty, coaches and teams didn’t like to look at you anymore. They wanted young blood like my juniors.

As I am looking over them over, coaching would be my next thing and what I would just focus everything on. I smiled as I looked at my usual captain. He was a big boy. The six-foot-one fifteen-year-old that was badass on the ice. I was glad to have him back, but next year would be the last one he could play for me. When he turned seventeen, it was over. He would be too old for the league. I liked to put him in the front for the simple fact that the kid intimidated the other centers. And if I could just tweak his skating and puck handling a little bit more, we could have this season in the bag. “What I want to start out with is getting everyone in a position that will suit them. I want to switch it around with every scrimmage until we find the positions. So, for the first few practices, we are going to be constantly switching up the lines and seeing who works well with who.”

They all nodded, some still a little star-struck that I was actually coaching them, but once they were on the ice, that would wash away.

As I glided back to the bench, I noticed a kid sitting in the stands watching. He had been there once before, but never talked and never interrupted. He just sat there and watched. He was maybe five-foot-nine, ten at the most, and I hadn’t seen him around before, though the hate and anger in his eyes caught my attention. A look I knew all too well.

Grabbing my clipboard, I went through all the names, making sure everyone was there and accounted for. While at practice, these kids were my responsibility, and I didn’t take that lightly. Not with the life that I had when I was their age. Maybe that was why I had taken up coaching the junior hockey team.

This age was when the boys were in a state of making or breaking their lives. At their age, I was on the wrong path in life; destructive, using drugs, and hanging with the wrong crowd to escape the pain and torture that my parents put me through. Hockey was what saved my life. It pushed me into something that, I found out, I really enjoyed, and I had to keep my nose clean and stay out of trouble or I couldn’t have it. That was what my adoptive parents told me. If I got in any trouble, any fights of any kind, caught smoking dope or trying any drugs of any kind, the dad would have pulled me from the team in a heartbeat.

I was very lucky to have those people take me in when I was fourteen. I beat the shit out of their son over something so stupid, and they came after me. And what they found was an abused kid who was just lashing out because no one else cared. Taking me under their wing and adopting me, they were the ones who turned my life around. And if I could get kids off the streets and away from drugs, the lifestyle I lived, then this was my calling.

Checking my phone, I had seen a missed call, but I would call them back later. Right now, my time belonged to the kids. And after the long summer, I was glad to be back on the ice, the place that I loved. What else was I going to do with an indoor ice arena?

Money was good when you had it, and even better when you knew how to use it. Call me a sucker, but with the shape that the building had been in when I first moved to the city, I couldn’t stand to let it go all to hell. So I put money into it, and now, it was doing great. We even held our practices there and some games, too. People in this area were supporters, great supporters, and quite a bit of hockey lovers.

Grabbing the puck out of my bag, I went back to the shorter group of adolescent men and held up the puck, eyeing each one as I glided across the ice past them. Hell. The one closest to me in height was my center, and he was still shorter than me by a couple of inches. When he bulked up, that kid was going to be unstoppable, as long as he had the proper training. And I would do it, too, as long as he stayed interested. I knew his dad and he was one of those people who instilled the ‘
you don’t quit something until you finish it’
mantra into him, into life itself.

After the initial round of lining the guys up, I worked them over hard with drill after drill to see where each one fit in to the team and what positions would be the best for them. I made some changes throughout, and some worked and some didn’t. When they didn’t, I just changed them again. Afterward, I had the
Gatorade
s in the cooler for them as usual and they hustled over for the thirst quencher. They all worked up a sweat, and they needed to replace their electrolytes before they depleted their bodies of the needed substances.

As my phone rang on the bench again, I gritted my teeth. Checking the number, I snarled, noticing that it was a girl from the club I picked up over the weekend. She was hot as hell, and all over me, but this was the fourth time today that she called. A little much, but the ladies just fell all over me in a heartbeat.

What can I say? With the jet black hair and the emerald green eyes, I was something the women were attracted to. I had women whenever I wanted. That would never get tiring at my age, but, once again, the idea of turning thirty was really slowing everything down. Once in a while, satisfying my needs wasn’t a bad thing. I just had to be careful that things didn’t get around town or I wouldn’t be allowed to coach. They didn’t want a playboy coaching the youths, and that I could completely understand.

Looking up in the stands, that kid still sat there. Flipping the latch on the door by the penalty boxes, I thrusted it open with my shoulder and went up toward him in the third row of bleachers. “Hey. Do you play?”

“What the hell does it matter?” He snapped as he kept his dark eyes on the ice, ignoring my presence and not showing any signs of intimidation by my size.

“Maybe it does.” It was like looking into a mirror of my past; more problems under the surface and not the type who was going to open his mouth to release some pent up anger, but beat the shit out of some innocent kid to get some sort of satisfaction.

“No. It doesn’t.” Standing and straightening the legs of his warn down jeans, he stretched a little before sidestepping his way to the staircase and heading to the tunnel to the entrance of the arena.

“You want to give it a try, just come see me,” I called after him.

My adoptive mother always reminded me that I would never be able to fix other people’s lives, but I had to try. My new parents took the chance on me and look how I turned out. Most kids don’t get the chance to get themselves out of the mess that they, or their parents, created. I was one of the lucky ones. I was able to turn my life around.

My phone rang again and this time MOM CALLING flashed across the screen. Answering that call, I pressed the phone to my ear and held it with my shoulder. Ellen was a wonderful woman, who was very patient and understanding. Don’t get me wrong, she could be damn stubborn when she needed to, but I could still work her over in a heartbeat. Just flash her my best innocent smile and tell her how beautiful she was, and I was golden, just like with every woman I picked up.

“Are you coming to dinner tonight?” Her pleasant, usual tone, washed through the connection and into my ear.

The last time I caused her to change that tone was when I told her I didn’t want to do anything else but play hockey the rest of my life. I was sixteen and skipped three days of school. Lucky for me, she was the one who caught me or I never would have been allowed at the ice rink after that. Her way of making me go to school was that she brought me there, stayed there all day to make sure I was at each class, and brought me to the rink for practice, and home again until I could be trusted to stay at school.

“I am just finishing up with the juniors here.” Taking a seat on the bench, I glanced over the ice, watching the few guys hit the frozen water because of the gouging holes the blades of the skates were making. The Zamboni was needed and I would have to plaster a smile on my face for that old man to pick up an extra shift or two. It would cost maybe a dollar more an hour, but the old geezer was born on that damn machine a hundred years ago.

“You are such a good boy for taking on the coaching, Kane Bruton.” Maybe she was the one who was always working me over and I didn’t even see it. Whatever the case, I loved that woman, and I was never so happy in my life as to call her my mother.

“All because of you, Ma.” Though, it never hurt to butter her up even more. Maybe the next time that she heard that I was out playing with the women at the club, she wouldn’t be too mad.

“Dinner will be ready soon.” Her lighthearted giggling told me I had her right in my pocket. I hoped that I did, at least. It would be a day or two until she heard about my latest conquest that was blowing up my phone.

I tossed my phone in the bag and cursed under my breath. Dinner with the family was always a good time. It was just a way to check up on me and hound me with the usual questions.
When am I going to settle down? When am I going to bring a lovely girl home for dinner? When am I going to find someone to marry and have children with?

Pretty sure everything in their hopes and dreams was not happening any time soon. Nobody I met was worthy enough to bring home. Not to those people, who were gracious enough to take me in as their own child. And I still hadn’t met one who I wanted to even think about a second date with. I was satisfied with the way that my life was, and that was how it was going to be. Nobody was going to invade my space.

Hurrying into the house, I slipped my black, low heels off and went to the basement door and knocked once. Just as I hoped, the paperwork Joe made me fill out was legit and I had custody of Sky and Jordan, though I had to allow so much time to pass before I could file the desertion paperwork against Joe. I felt my heart jump as I hurried away to the staircase to the bedrooms upstairs. “Sky! Jordan!”

The door creaked upstairs, but that was it. There wasn’t any thumping of the heavy feet on the basement steps. Sky came down wearing a large tee shirt and a pair of jeans that had to be her brother’s again. That poor girl. She would be starting school next week and she didn’t have much for clothes. Since she was now under my care, I needed to do something about it. Getting them enrolled in school was going to take up the extra money that I had in my savings, but they
had
to go.

“Are they coming to take us?” Her voice was soft and the tears were glassing her eyes, but the hope was spread over her whole face, the corners of her lips twitching, wanting to be happy.

“No, but… Where’s Jordan?” Turning on my heel, I swung my body around, ready to find Jordan so I could share the good news. Sky wasn’t the one I needed to worry about with the whole situation, but Jordan and his hate and anger. I needed to get him on my page to believe me when I said we three were in this together.

“He said that he would be back soon.” Tugging her arms close to her frail figure, she followed me into the kitchen, the happiness wanting to burst out, but she was holding back as much as she could.

“Okay. Help me make dinner.” I looked at her as my heart started thumping hard, pounding against the muscles in my chest. I may be twenty-five, but I could do this. Nobody could take them away unless I was found to be unfit. And I would rather die than to allow that to happen. My mom always had a way to make ends meet. So could I. “Would you like to?”

“I would, but I don’t know…”

“Come on.” I smiled, motioning to her to come on over. Soon, she could come out of that shell and relax.

If Joe stayed away for one month, that would give me terms to file abandonment on him and he would never be able to have anything to do with the kids, and any income he earned, I would get court appointed support. The second that he gets a job or a paycheck, they would hit him automatically. And, yes, I had those papers filled out, too. Deep down, after finding out that he deserted all of us, I hope he stayed gone. These kids didn’t need any more pain, distrust, or abandonment in their lives.

“You start school next week. Are you nervous?” Next week already. If I was prepared, and if Joe would have talked to me about the kids, I could’ve made sure that all of the school stuff was taken care of already. Now, it would be a scramble to get everything done so they didn’t miss any days.

“What if they don’t like me there? I always get picked on.” She fumbled with the bottom of the oversized shirt as she watched me dig through the fridge.

“Tonight, we will go through my closet and see what I have that will fit you a little better. Then, whatever you don’t have, we will go shopping for.” I handed her the burger and smiled, trying to make her feel a little better.

When Joe was around, I wasn’t allowed to talk to them at all or do anything for them. They were his kids and he would deal with them. I should have known from the start what he was like when they arrived on the doorstep. Guilt pooled in my stomach, leaving a sour taste to backwash into my throat. I should have noticed he wasn’t doing anything for them.

“Keri, are you going to send us away?” Her voice pulled back as the worry shot to the front of everything else that she had been put through in the past year.

“I’m not. I’m going to do everything I can to keep you both here. I have guardianship of you with your dad running out on us, and I’m not going to give it up.” Shrugging, I went to the counter and got the frying pan out. Putting it on the stove, I let out a breath. We would have to cut some costs, but if I managed to get the promotion that just came up, which looked good, we would be fine. “Tomorrow, we need to go and get supplies for school.”

“What if I have trouble?”

“Just talk to me and we will see what we can do.” Turning to her, I watched the hope fill her eyes. For a young girl that had so much heartache in her life, she wanted to be happy, but she couldn’t let herself be. But this time, she could and I would be sure to do everything I damn well could to make that happen for her. “Sky, if you ever need to talk to me, don’t be afraid to.”

“Jordan said that you would get tired of having us here and you will send us away soon.” The glassy waters sheeted her eyes, digging deep into my heart. I just wanted to wrap my arms around her, hug her, and tell her everything would be better, but I didn’t want to get her hopes up just to have Joe swoop in and take them away at the last minute.

“I don’t blame him for telling you that, Sky. He’s doing his job as your brother to protect you. I do want us to make this work. We just need to take a chance on each other.” Jordan was going to be my issue. If he didn’t trust me, then she wouldn’t. I just wanted to give them a good home like I had when I was that age.

She put the burger package on the counter and washed her hands. “My mom never made us dinner like this.”

“Well, we should really sit down and make a plan. Like, with my mom, Friday nights were family night, so instead of cooking, we went out to eat or ordered in for a treat. Nothing fancy, of course, but something that was nice.” Thinking of my childhood would help me through this, as if my mom was still there to go to for some help or advice.

Her dark eyes sparkled as she nodded, the corners of her lips wanting to break out into a full smile, but she was able to keep it back. “I would like that.”

“When Jordan gets home, maybe we should talk about doing something like that over dinner.” I turned the stove on and let the pan heat up. “We should get the potatoes going.”

“How did you meet my dad?”

I swallowed hard. It was at a bar, the worst place to meet a guy, but it was the truth. I was there nursing my breakup, and Joe had been there to make me feel better. He was such a smooth talker when I look back at it. After we had moved in together, we would see each other when our schedules allowed us to spend some time together. Then he begged me to marry him and we just went to the courthouse. It was all downhill from there.

And then the kids arrived on our doorstep. The fights got worse and he started to shove me around a little, but with the stuff he was dealing with at his job, he was just really
stressed out
. How do I explain that to a twelve-year-old?
Your father was a nice guy until you both came along and he turned into a monster?
No. The facts were best left between me and Joe.

“Um … we ran into each other a while ago.” Joe picked me up, only to hurt me ten times worse than the ex-boyfriend. Then, lied to me like he did about the two kids.
Oh, he didn’t know about the kids?
  There were two years between them. How could he not know? That question was what made him nearly choke me to death.

Questions ran through her mind and displayed all over her innocent face, but she just left them on the roadside for the next person. “You’re really pretty, Keri.”

“Thank you. So are you, Sky. We will get you some proper clothes, okay?” I pulled some potatoes out of the bag and sliced them into the pan with some butter. Talking with her the whole time I was getting the meal together, I told her what I was doing and how to season them, just as my mother did with me.

Looking at the clock, my heart thumped hard as it was turning seven already. Jordan still wasn’t home, and I had no idea where he was. Not to count that he shouldn’t be leaving Sky home alone like that either. At least, a note or something so I knew if something happened to him because he wasn’t home when he was supposed to be.

“Are you waiting for someone?” Sky took a seat at the kitchen table and rested her arms on the top as she watched me flip the potatoes.

“Your brother. I’m just a little worried with him gone for so long.”

“He does this all the time. He’ll be back before dark.” She nodded as she smiled a little. “Do you think that I will make some friends here?”

“I am sure you will. It’s a new school and new people. Just no boys as friends,” I teased her, causing her face to turn beat red. “What do you like to do? Maybe there’s some afterschool activities you can get involved with to help meet new people.”

“I liked to play basketball, but … it’s okay. I don’t have to play.” Her cheeks tinted with the shy coloration and she raked her bottom lip through her teeth. The want to play basketball was there, shining out of her, but the fear of asking was keeping a lock on it.

“You should if you like it. Try out when it comes around.” Taking a seat across from her, I looked at her, watching as the shame flooded in and took over the sweet innocence. “Don’t be afraid, Sky.”

“She just … she would always come to the games and make a big scene, and she was always drunk. It made me the laughing stock and the people started hating me.” Crocodile tears dripped out of her eyes as the horror of what she been through replayed through her eyes.

“Well, lucky for you, I don’t drink.” Getting up, I checked the burgers again and flipped the potatoes. “This is going to be new for the both of us. We can do this together. You’re old enough to tell me if something I do bothers you. And don’t ever, ever be afraid to tell me if someone else does something that you don’t like or that bothers you.” Looking at the clock again, I glanced out the kitchen window to see if Jordan was there, but he wasn’t. Dinner would be done shortly and I had no idea of his whereabouts. Not a great beginning to being a full-time parent. No wonder why my mom constantly kept tabs on me. This worrying stuff was hard. “Where is he?”