A Mother's Secret (35 page)

“No, it’s not Josh.” Carolyn sighed. “Josh is wonderful. I think he almost told me he loves me tonight. He said I’m the reason he can smile again, and he called me his Carolyn.”

Mamm
hugged her. “That’s
wunderbaar
! That means he’s in love with you, Carolyn. That’s the best news!”

“No, it’s not.” Carolyn shook her head as tears filled her eyes.

“Why are you crying? I thought you loved Joshua.”

“I do love him.” She wiped her eyes. “But I haven’t told him the truth. He still thinks Benjamin is my nephew.” Carolyn sniffed. “I was going to tell him the truth tonight, but Amos walked out back and found us sitting together. After Amos left, the perfect opportunity was gone. I couldn’t bring myself to say the words.”

Mamm
smiled. “You can still tell him. You’ll find the right words and the right time. Have faith.”

Carolyn shook her head. “I’m afraid it’s too late now. He shared some really private feelings tonight. It was as if he let me into his heart. I should’ve told him about Ben while he was sharing his secrets with me. He’s going to think I deliberately kept my secrets to myself.”

“No, he won’t think that. If he really loves you, he’ll understand why you waited.”
Mamm
touched her shoulder. “He loves you, Carolyn. I can see it in his eyes when he looks at you. He will understand. Just have faith. Trust your heart.”

Carolyn nodded, even though she doubted her mother’s words.

“You’re a
schee maedel
inside and out, and you’re worthy of love, Carolyn. Trust me. God has waited for the perfect time to
bring love into your life. Embrace it. Tell Joshua about Benjamin when the time is right, and everything will turn out just fine.” She turned back to the pot, poured some of the warm milk into a mug, and held it out to Carolyn. “Would you like some?”

“No,
danki
.” Carolyn cupped her hand over her mouth to stifle a yawn. “I’m going to head to bed.”

“
Gut nacht
.”

“
Gut nacht
,” Carolyn repeated. As she walked toward her room, she prayed her mother was right about Joshua. Yet deep in her heart, she couldn’t help worrying that she could lose him as soon as he found out the truth about Benjamin.

Joshua stopped his horse in front of his father’s barn. He jumped out of the buggy and headed back to where he spotted a dim light spilling out from under the door of his father’s woodworking shop.

He pushed the door open and found his father sanding a small piece of wood. Tools cluttered the small workbench while several battery-operated lanterns hung on hooks around the shop.

“Dat!”
he said, his heart thumping against his rib cage. “
Dat
, I need to talk to you.”

“Josh. What a pleasant surprise.”
Dat
patted a bench beside him. “Have a seat. What brings you out here so late?”

“I need to tell you something.” Joshua grinned with excitement. “
Dat
, I’m in love, and I think I’m ready to ask her to marry me.”

“Really?” His father’s eyes widened. “This is exciting news. Who is this special
maedel
?”

“Carolyn Lapp.” Joshua’s smile deepened as he spoke. “I’m so
froh
. I’ve never been this
froh
in my life. I thought I was in love with Hannah, but this is different. It’s different than anything I’ve ever felt. I thought I was going to be alone for the rest of my life, but I was wrong. I was so very wrong.”

“I’m so
froh
to hear you say this.”
Dat
clapped. “Your
mamm
will be thrilled.”

“Actually, no. She won’t.” Joshua grimaced. “
Mamm
doesn’t like Carolyn for some reason. She’s been pushing me to date Lena Esh.”

“Are you certain she doesn’t like Carolyn?”
Dat
looked surprised.

“
Ya
, I’m completely certain. She’s made it clear.” Joshua ran his finger over the workbench as he spoke. “She’s not going to be
froh
when she finds out I plan to ask Carolyn to marry me.”

“Well, don’t you worry about your
mamm
. I’ll handle her.”

Joshua’s courage wavered as he considered his next question. “How do I ask Carolyn to marry me?”

His father laughed. “What do you mean? You just come out and say, ‘Will you marry me?’ ”

“Right.” Joshua laughed, despite his anxiety. “I just need to ask her.”

“That’s right. Just ask her.”

“I hope so.” Joshua gnawed his lower lip. “I was so confident when I rode over here. I was certain I could ask her, and she would say yes. Now I’m
naerfich
. Is that normal?”

“Of course it is, son. It’s very normal. But I have a feeling she
will
say yes.” His father smiled. “You’ll do just fine. I guess we’ll be planning a wedding in the fall,
ya
?”

“That’s a possibility. We’ll see what happens when I ask her.”
Joshua stood. “I guess I better get home. I have work to do in the morning.”

“You have a
gut nacht
.” His father winked at him. “I’m thrilled for you, Joshua. Your
mamm
will be too.”

“
Danki, Dat. Gut nacht
.” Joshua headed back out to the buggy and looked up at the sky. He prayed Carolyn would say yes and his lonely house would finally become a home.

Barbie was climbing into bed when Eli came into the bedroom. She scowled at him. “I was wondering when you were going to come in from your shop.”

“I had a visitor.” Eli began to take off his work clothes.

“A visitor? Who would come and visit this late at night?” Barbie asked.

“Your son.”

“Joshua?” She sat up straight. “Why did he come by?
Was iss
letz?
”

“Nothing’s wrong. He had
gut
news.” He fished his pajamas from his bureau. “He’s in love.”

She studied her husband. “What do you mean?”

“He’s going to ask her to marry him.”

“Who is he going to ask to marry him?” She knew the answer, but she asked the question anyway.

“Carolyn Lapp.” Eli laughed as he pulled up his pajama pants.

“I’ve never seen our
bu
so
froh
, Barbie. It’s a true blessing. He’s smitten. He asked me what to say when he asks her. I remember being that
naerfich
.”

She forced a smile as disappointment built up inside of her. “That’s
wunderbaar
news.”

Eli buttoned his pajama top and climbed into the bed beside her. “You’re going to get your prayers answered now. You’ll have more
grandkinner
to love.” He reached over and flipped off the lantern.

“
Ya
, I will.” She smiled at Eli through the dark. “The Lord is
gut
.”

“
Ya
, he is.” Eli kissed her cheek. “
Gut nacht
.”

“
Gut nacht
.” Barbie stared at the ceiling while Eli snored loudly beside her. She needed to find a way to stop Carolyn from marrying Joshua. She didn’t know how, but she would find a way before it was too late.

TWENTY

B
arbie was standing in line at the market the next day when she glanced behind her and spotted Sarah Ann Lapp. She paid for her groceries and then took her time putting her money back in her purse.

“Barbie?” Sarah Ann came up behind her, just as Barbie hoped she would.

“Oh, Sarah Ann!” Barbie feigned surprise. “
Wie geht’s?
”

“I thought that was you.” Sarah Ann smiled as she pushed her grocery cart up to Barbie. “How are you doing?”

“I’m fine.” Barbie moved her cart over to the wall so shoppers could walk past them. “How are you? How’s your family?”

“We’re doing well.” Sarah Ann sidled up to her. “It’s been busy. Ben has enjoyed working at your son’s farm. That’s a
wunderbaar
opportunity for him.” She lowered her voice. “I think it was
gut
for him to get away from Robert and David. I love my
kinner
, but they were constantly getting Ben in trouble. It’s
gut
for him to work somewhere else.”

“Oh really? I didn’t realize that.” Barbie suppressed a smile as she hoped Sarah Ann would spill some more family secrets. “Ben has had a hard time on your farm?”

“Well, it hasn’t been all bad.” Sarah Ann smiled. “It’s just been difficult for Carolyn. She was so excited when Joshua hired Ben on permanently. Things have always been difficult for her given her situation.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. Carolyn seems like such a strong
maedel
.” Barbie tried to look empathetic as she hoped Sarah Ann would keep talking.

“I’m sure you already know she had Ben when she was very young. She was really a
kind
herself when she simply made a bad decision.” Sarah Ann gestured with her hands. “We’ve all just wanted the best for Benjamin. He’s a
gut bu
, and Carolyn has done a fantastic job raising him without a husband.”

Barbie couldn’t stop her gasp.
Benjamin is Carolyn’s son! Carolyn was a teenage mother!
This was just the information she needed to stop Joshua from marrying her.

Sarah Ann’s eyes widened. “You didn’t know Carolyn had Benjamin when she was sixteen?”

Barbie shook her head and then smiled. “I didn’t know, but your secret is safe with me.”

“It’s not really a secret, but I guess our church district is protective of her and Benjamin.” Sarah Ann spoke quickly. “We don’t really talk about it because everyone accepted Benjamin after he was born. Carolyn joined the church when she was seventeen, and she was forgiven. Her parents helped her raise Ben, and they’ve done a wonderful job.”

“What happened to Benjamin’s father?” Barbie wanted to know everything.

“He left the community before she found out she was pregnant.” Sarah Ann shook her head and frowned. “It was so
bedauerlich
. He really broke her heart. She won’t talk about him.
I think she was certain she’d be alone the rest of her life because of that one mistake, but I told her that she’d find true love. I think she has. She’s really
froh
with your son. It’s so sweet how they met.”

Barbie forced a smile. “
Ya
, it certainly is.”

“I better let you go. I have to run to the farmers’ market next.” Sarah Ann pushed her grocery cart ahead. “It was
gut
seeing you.”

“
Ya
, it was
gut
seeing you.” Barbie grinned as she pushed her cart behind Sarah Ann. She had the information she needed to stop Joshua from making the biggest mistake of his life. She couldn’t wait to tell him. Once he knew the truth about Carolyn, she could convince him that he needed to find someone else and not marry the woman who had a sordid past.