A Mother's Secret (39 page)
“What are you up to today?” Carolyn asked.
“I’m helping
Daadi
with chores.” He crossed the kitchen and disappeared into the hallway.
Mamm
pointed toward the door. “Why don’t you go work in the garden? I can handle the shopping list, and I know being out in the sun makes you
froh
.”
“Are you sure you don’t need help?”
“Carolyn, I can handle it.”
“Okay.” Carolyn started toward the back door. “Call me if you need me.”
Mamm
smiled. “I promise I will.”
As Carolyn walked toward her garden, she wondered if Joshua missed her as much as she missed him. She had spent most of last night crying and asking God to bring Josh back to her.
When she awoke this morning, however, she felt a strange sense of peace come over her. It was as if God had laid his healing hand on her and helped her realize that things would be okay somehow. She was thankful to have parents and a son who loved her.
But despite all her blessings, she still missed the happiness she’d felt when Joshua smiled at her. He had left a gaping hole in her heart, and she hoped somehow time would heal it.
Joshua turned to Aiden as he turned onto the road. “Now I need to go to the Lapp farm in Gordonville.”
“Okay.” Aiden merged into traffic, wondering what was causing Josh so much anxiety. “Do you know the address?”
“
Ya
.” Joshua rattled it off. “I just hope she’s home.”
Aiden smiled over at his passenger. “She will be, Josh. Have faith.”
Carolyn was crouching in her garden pulling weeds when she heard someone call her name. She stood and turned just as Joshua rushed toward her. Her heartbeat tripped and then raced double-time, and her shoulders tightened at the sight of him. She felt her defenses stiffen, like a cat arching its back to ready itself for a fight.
“Carolyn!” He approached her, his expression full of anguish. “I’ve been so worried about you.”
“You were worried about me?” She studied him with confusion while wiping her hands down her apron, trying to remove some of the dirt.
“
Ya
.” He stood in front of her. “I had to see you.”
“Why?” Suspicion nipped at her.
He reached for her hands, and she took a step back, not wanting him to get too close and deepen her heartache.
“Carolyn,
Ich liebe dich
.” His blue eyes sparkled with tears in the bright sunlight. “You’re the love of my life. I was so wrong to reject you, and I want to make it up to you. You had every right to keep your secret until you were ready to tell me. I’m sorry for being just as judgmental as everyone else who has hurt you all these years. I’ve been praying you could find it in your heart to forgive me and give me a second chance.”
Her heart turned over. She studied his eyes, wondering if she was dreaming or if he was truly saying these beautiful words.
“Please, Carolyn, please forgive me.” His eyes pleaded with her. “I can’t imagine living without you. These past couple of months have been the happiest of my life because God led me to you.”
She wanted to believe him, but her heart reminded her to be cautious. “What made you change your mind?”
“Your son.”
“Benjamin?”
Joshua nodded. “Ben came to see me last night, and he talked some sense into me. He made me realize how wrong I’ve been.”
Carolyn gasped and cupped a hand to her mouth. “Ben went to see you?”
“
Ya
,” he said with a nod. “He told me I acted like all the other so-called Christians who have judged you and persecuted you since he was born. He made me realize I was prideful and stubborn.”
She wiped a tear from her eyes. “My son said that?” She was overwhelmed with love and admiration for Benjamin.
“
Ya
, he did. He also quit. He said he couldn’t work for someone who treated his
mamm
so badly. He was right. I don’t blame him at all.”
Carolyn wiped a tear from her cheek. “He quit?”
He took her hand in his. “Carolyn, I love you. Please tell me you’ll give me a second chance. I can’t stand this heartache.”
“
Ya
,” Carolyn said. “I forgive you.”
Joshua leaned down and brushed his lips over hers, sending the pit of her stomach into a wild swirl. Her heart rate surged, pounding fast in her ears.
Yes, this is true love, and it is amazing!
“Marry me, Carolyn,” Joshua whispered close to her ear, his breath sending shivers dancing down her back. “Marry me. I want to live with you and Benjamin on the farm. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
The words were like a sweet melody to Carolyn’s ears. For a moment she was sure she was dreaming, but when Joshua touched her cheek, she knew she was awake. Her dream had finally come true. She was going to marry for love!
“I’ll marry you.” Carolyn looked up at him and grinned as
her sense of humor nipped at her. “But Benjamin quit. I don’t know if he’ll want to live there if he refuses to work for you.”
Joshua laughed and hugged her while lifting her off her feet. “This is why I fell in love with you, Carolyn Lapp. You have the craziest sense of humor I’ve ever known.”
She giggled as he kissed her cheek. “I love you too, Joshua.” She took his hand. “Let’s go tell my parents.”
“That’s a
gut
idea. And maybe I can apologize to Ben and ask him to come back to work for me. I need to make sure things are
gut
between my future stepson and me.”
“
Ya
.” She laughed. “That’s a
gut
idea too.”
Joshua held her hand as he led her back toward the house. They were climbing the steps when Amos appeared.
“Carolyn,” he said. “I need to talk to you.”
Carolyn glanced at Joshua, who looked concerned. “It’s okay,” she said as she released her hand from Joshua’s grip and went back down the steps to face her brother. “Joshua and I are getting married.”
“I know,” Amos said. “I heard you talking. I’m
froh
for you.” He looked up at Joshua standing at the top of the steps. “You’re a
gut
man, and I’m
froh
you chose my
schweschder
.”
Amos’s gaze met Carolyn’s. “I owe you an apology. I’ve been very un-Christlike. I’ve treated you badly for years, and I’m sorry. We all need to follow Jesus’ example and forgive one another. You made a mistake, but I never let you forget it. None of us are perfect, and we all fall short of the glory of God. That doesn’t excuse me, but I hope you can forgive me.”
“Of course I can.” Carolyn smiled. “I forgive you, Amos.
Danki
.”
Amos cleared his throat. “I also found out you were right
about my sons all along. Robert admitted to
Dat
and me that he threw the rock at Joshua’s horse at the auction. He said he and David lied to get Benjamin in trouble. Apparently they’ve been victimizing Benjamin for years. I’m sorry I never believed you or Benjamin.”
“
Danki
, Amos.” Carolyn sniffed as a tear trickled down her cheek. “I can forgive you for that too.”
“I’m going to have my
buwe
apologize to Ben, and I will apologize to him also.” Amos shook his head and frowned. “I’ve been wrong for a long time. I need to be careful how I treat others, especially my family.
Danki
for forgiving me and giving me a second chance.” He nodded and then walked back toward the barn.
Carolyn climbed the steps, took Joshua’s hand in hers, and looked into his eyes and into her future. She silently thanked God for answering her prayer, leading her to her soul mate, and giving Benjamin the chance to have a father. She knew the power of her secret had finally been overcome, and that she was loved and cherished by the man who now stood by her side.
1. Carolyn feels stuck between agreeing to a marriage of convenience and risking her heart by pursuing true love. Which path did you think was the right one for her? Which is the best for her son? Take a walk in her shoes. Which path would you have chosen if you were Carolyn? Share this with the group.
2. By the end of the book, Joshua finally stands up to his mother and tells her to stop meddling in his life. Do you think Joshua should forgive his mother for trying to come between him and Carolyn? Why or why not? Have you ever been asked to forgive someone whose actions changed your life negatively? Did you forgive this person? Why or why not? What Bible verses would help with this situation?
3. Ruth quotes 1 John 3:18, which speaks about how we should love one another. “Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.” What does this verse mean to you?
4. By the end of the book, Amos realizes he was wrong to criticize Carolyn and treat Benjamin badly. He believed
he was helping his sister by being hard on her, but he realized his behavior was un-Christlike. What do you think caused him to realize he was wrong?
5. Benjamin stands up for his mother when he hears her suffering. He knows she’s struggled to be the best mother she could be despite her circumstances, and he’s tired of how people treat her. Have you ever taken a stand for someone you loved? Where did you find your strength? What Bible verses would help with this situation?
6. Due to a mistake she made when she was sixteen, Carolyn feels she’s been judged much of her life by her community that is supposed to be Christlike. Do you think we do this in our own church communities—judge and gossip about our fellow Christians without considering the consequences? Why do you think that is?
7. “Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.” 1 Peter 3:8. This verse speaks about how we should treat one another. What does this verse mean to you? How does this verse apply to the story? Share this with the group.
8. In
A Hopeful Heart
, the first book in this series, Lillian is convinced her mother, Hannah, is being selfish and is betraying her by leaving the Amish community. In this book, we see Lillian still struggling to forgive her mother. Do you agree with Lillian’s feelings? Or do you believe Hannah was justified in her decision to leave and pursue a new life outside of the Amish faith when she fell in love with an
Englisher
? Do you think it’s time for Lillian to forgive her mother and move on? Share this with the group.
9. Which character can you identify with the most? Which character seemed to carry the most emotional stake in the story? Was it Joshua, Carolyn, Benjamin, or someone else?
10. Carolyn is irritated by her brother’s constant criticism and reminders about the mistake she made when she was sixteen. Have you ever been criticized by a close family member for a choice you’ve made? If so, how did you handle the criticism? Share this with the group.
11. What did you know about the Amish before reading this book? What did you learn?