Authors: Kyra Lennon
Throughout the afternoon, the news got worse and worse, and when Drew came to me with yet another story, my insides curled with anger and humiliation. The frenzied press had apparently reached out to anyone who might know me back home, and some guy from one of my classes had been quoted as saying he was one of my friends, and that I was a “sweet girl but has no experience with guys”. True as it was, that wasn’t the part that infuriated me. That simple quote had added more drama to the “Is Jason a pervert” debate, questioning whether he’d preyed on me because of my inexperience.
“This is sick,” I muttered. “Sick.”
Drew nodded. “I agree. Just to be clear, no matter how unhappy we are about you and Jason, this is not what we were worried about. We know him better than that, and I just hope the rest of the world can see that too. The band’s Twitter account has blown up today and you’ve had a lot of support from the fans. But for every one supportive tweet there are five from ill-informed idiots. And we’re not supposed to answer.”
Lockdown meant not just staying in, but keeping away from anything that might make us lash out at some troll who was trying to get a reaction.
I looked up at Drew. “I don’t know what to do. And… I don’t feel supported by any of you. The people who should be supporting me. Me
and
Jason.” A tear splashed onto my cheek.
Drew nodded stiffly. “I know, Lucy. Don’t think this is easy for us, either. We’re trying to support you but it’s difficult when we don’t think you’re making the right decision.”
“That’s not how support works, Drew. You support the people you care about
because
you care about them. And then, if they make the wrong decision, you pick them up and help them move on. You don’t shout them down before you’ve even listened.”
“We listened.”
“You didn’t! You and Ellie are so blinded by what you think that you haven’t heard a word I’ve said. And you know what’s worse? You both know how it feels to be on the crappy end of unfounded rumours, and you’re still not helping us.”
“Because we’re not sure what we’re helping with.” Drew’s tone softened.
“Well, first of all, this.” I pointed to Ellie’s iPad which everyone had been using as a news source that day. “This needs to be stopped right now. Jason is not a pervert, I am well over the age of consent, and the age gap is none of anyone’s bloody business. Whatever you think about me and Jason, you at least have to get this crap retracted.”
“Derek will fix that. Or as best as he can, anyway. You know how it is, though. People will believe whatever they want to believe. What we don’t yet know is how this I going to affect the rest of the tour.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean the people who know us probably won’t go anywhere, but our chances of picking up new fans with this happening will be slimmer now. If you were someone else, anyone else, Jason having a girlfriend would not be such big news.”
I knew he wasn’t saying this was my fault, but it still felt like I’d been sucker punched. It was true. I could have been any other nineteen-year-old in the world, and there would have been raised eyebrows and whispers. But a nineteen-year-old who’d known Jason her whole life? The news angle was so easy. It didn’t matter that there was not even the slightest bit of evidence Jason had been into me at any other time than now, or that much older rock stars dated much younger women. What mattered was selling newspapers and getting ratings by starting debates that weren’t important in the grand scheme of things.
“Lucy.” Derek’s voice caught my attention, and I flicked my head round to look at him. “Can you come with me, honey? We need to talk.”
I sighed and walked away from Drew without a word or another look in his direction. Each step felt like another step closer to the end of what I’d waited so long for, and my gut churned. I suspected my fate with Jason may have already been decided while I wasn’t part of the conversation. Also, I wasn’t crazy about looking him in the eye now he knew – through the powers of the damn press – that I was a virgin. I supposed he might have already figured that much out, but having it thrown out into the world in black and white was humiliating.
Jason greeted me with a tense smile as I entered the living area, but his eyes were warm, letting me know he hadn’t changed his mind about me. My muscles relaxed a little, but I knew this was far from over. I took a seat beside him, and Derek sat down on Jason’s other side.
“Lucy,” he began. “I’ve spoken with Jason about what’s happening between the two of you, and I want you to know that I’m on your side. But you have to understand that what’s happening could have a massive effect on the band, and that’s what we’re trying to limit.”
“I do understand that. I know this isn’t just about Jason and me.”
Geez, does everyone think I’m stupid?
Jason reached for my hand as Derek continued. “I need the two of you to make a decision. Not about your relationship,” he added quickly. “That is on you to sort out, but right now, for the rest of this tour, you need to think about what’s best.”
My heart sank. My trip of a lifetime had swerved dramatically off-course, and this was where I had to get off. I knew it.
“You want me to leave.”
Jason shook his head. “I don’t want you to leave. Actually, I can’t imagine the rest of this tour without you. But, Derek’s right. We do need to do something to calm things down.”
“It’s not your relationship that’s the problem, it’s that everyone has gone insane about the age gap. It’s so damaging to Jason and the band as a whole.”
“Oh God.” Jason growled. “This is so fucking stupid. People are talking as if she’s skipping around in her school uniform and I’m lurking at the school gates! She’s nineteen, for Christ’s sake! You know I never looked at her inappropriately. Never. She’s Lucy. Lucy from next door. That’s who she always was until we got out here and we really got to know each other. She’s been a fucking Godsend on this tour and if those asshole photographers hadn’t seen us, we’d have worked this out on our own, without other people’s interference.”
“Jason, you’re ten years older than her. You’ve got to see how it looks.”
“I do. I see that. I get that the gap is big. But that doesn’t make me some evil predator who tricked her into kissing me.”
“Okay, stop.” I stood up, pulling Jason up with me. “We’ve been over this. Or at least I have with virtually everyone on this bloody bus. Now we need to figure out what to do next.”
“One step ahead of you.” Derek smiled. “You both need to talk away from everyone. I’ve managed to book a conference room for you in a hotel a couple of streets away. You’ll be alone, the hotel staff are under strict instructions to not let anyone near that room, and the hotel security are waiting. The hardest part will be smuggling you both out of here, but there’s a car arriving in about twenty minutes to take you where you need to go. You know the drill. Keep your heads down, and for God’s sake, not a word to anyone.”
Chapter 10 – I’ll Take You To The Top
Derek – although occasionally self-centred – was an absolute legend at times, and this was one of them. The car that took us to the hotel was swift and we had no problems getting into the hotel because the reporters weren’t expecting us to leave so quickly, and they didn’t know where we were going. Once we reached the safety of the large, supremely expensive looking building, Jason and I were finally alone. The hotel staff greeted us warmly and led us to a small conference room with a six seater table, comfortable-looking seats, and a coffee machine in the corner.
Jason and I ignored the facilities and held each other tightly the second the door closed behind us. Jason buried his hand in my hair. “I’m so sorry this happened, Luce.”
“Not your fault,” I mumbled, relishing in breathing in his scent. In being with him without anyone else watching us. “This is messed up, Jason. We’ve barely even kissed and now we’re being forced to make a decision about our future when all we were trying to do was get to know each other more. Better. In a different way.”
Jason pulled away a little, placing a soft kiss on my cheek before hopping up onto the table. “I know. This is my fault. I should have been more careful and I should have better explained what being with me really means.”
“I know what it means. I’ve seen it with Drew and Ellie, and I knew that – if I was ever lucky enough to get you to notice me – that it would be harder. Because it’s you. But I didn’t think it would lead to… this. Not people questioning your morals, and treating me like I’ve been tricked, and mocking me because I’m…”
I didn’t mean to let that slip out. Why the hell would I want to draw more attention to the fact that I was a nineteen-year-old virgin? The press were already doing a good enough job of making me seem like a naïve loser, without me joining in.
“So… that thing about you not having any experience…?”
“True.” My cheeks flamed and I started to turn away from him but he caught my hand and I looked up at him, feeling like the world’s lamest person. I mean, who stays a virgin until they’re almost twenty? Many of my friends pretty much threw theirs away as soon as they hit sixteen, and several of them did so even sooner. That just wasn’t me. I actually believed in being with someone I – at the very least
liked
– but aimed for more. Those who said things like, “It’s just sex,” confused me. How can sex ever be “just” anything? You can’t get closer to another person than that.
Jason pulled me towards him, parting his knees so I could slip between his legs. He rested his hands on my back. “Let’s just figure out what to do about what’s happening right now. We can talk about the other stuff later.”
I shook my head. “It’s all important, Jason. If the fact that I’m… that I’ve never…”
“Lucy, don’t make that into a bigger deal than it is. Everyone has a first time. The only thing about that that worries me is whether you really want me to be the one.”
Jason was the only man who’d ever made my body react so strongly. Or at all. I’d kissed other people before him, and while the sensation was nice, none of them had started a fire inside me. I thought that was just… I don’t know… a myth written about in romance novels. Or that there was something wrong with me, and that I’d die a virgin because I’d never been aroused by anyone before.
“I want you to be the one. And that is the only thing I’m sure about.”
Jason raised his hand and softly stroked my cheek. “I need you to be really sure about that. I don’t mean this as any chivalrous, cheesy bullshit. You know who I am, Lucy. I’ve got ten years on you. I’m about as far from innocent as it’s possible to be.”
While the idea of him being with other women made me tingle with jealousy, hearing him describe himself that way made me want him more. Made my body shiver with the idea of how good he could make me feel. That shiver – I knew – was entirely at odds with how I felt about casual sex. After all, casual sex was pretty much the only kind of sex Jason had ever had. However, he’d also made it clear that he didn’t hook up with every woman who looked in his direction, and I knew that to be true. He wasn’t
that
bad. In the category of sleeping around, Joey was a lot worse. I didn’t expect everyone to have the same views as me, and I wasn’t about to judge him for doing what many men would have done in his position.
“I’m sure. Absolutely, completely sure.”
“Okay. But we’re not going to rush this.”
“That’s not going to change public perception though, is it? People will think we are, and they’re still going to be saying things about you that aren’t true.”
He nodded. “I know. And as much as I want to see where things go with you, the one thing I can’t handle is people accusing me of being a pervert just for being with you.”
“I understand. I don’t want that either. As much as I want this, I won’t be the reason your life falls apart.”
Jason closed his eyes and rested his forehead against mine. “How did you get to be so sensible?”
“Well, for one thing, I’m Ellie’s sister.”
Jason laughed. “That would do it. You two aren’t alike in most ways, but you’re both pretty smart when it comes to making the right decisions.”
“Doesn’t mean we like those decisions, Jase.”
“I know. And it’s often me who ends up being the cause of those tough decisions. I’d like to step up and make this decision to save you from doing it, but this isn’t only about me. Mostly, I want to do what’s best for you.”
“Well, that’s interesting. Because I want to do what’s best for you.”
He brushed his lips against mine, his fingers tracing small circles on my lower back. “I don’t want you to go, Luce. I don’t. But I can’t see how we’re going to get any real time to work out where we are while we’re on the road.”
I nodded. He’d reached the same conclusion as me, and it sucked. I loved that we thought the same way, but the reality of what it meant made my heart break a little.
“I don’t want to go. I don’t want to go home and have to deal with Ellie and Mum and Dad trying to talk me out of being with you. But I know if I stay it could kill us. And everything you’ve worked for.”
I also knew that me going home wouldn’t be the end of the drama. Not forever. It would calm things down while the tour continued, but once Jason and I were seen together again, the stories would flare up again too. And it could still spell disaster for Jason and the band. But maybe that was something to worry about when we got there. Maybe what mattered was cooling the situation down now and hoping the world found something else to freak out about in the meantime.
“What are you thinking, Luce?”
I sighed, my eyes meeting his. “I’m scared the problems will never go away. Or at least not long enough for us to prove that there’s nothing wrong about us. We’ve known each other forever. We have a solid foundation that most couples never have. I feel like we have a really good friendship that turned into something else, but if people keep putting pressure on us, maybe they’ll break it and… then we might not even be friends anymore.”
“That’s not going to happen. I know I’m not well known for being sensible but we’re going to take this so slowly that if either of us feels like it won’t work, we can step away from it without ruining everything.” Jason stroked my cheek. “You said you weren’t asking for forever, and you know I can’t promise that. But I can promise that for as long as this makes sense, I’ll do everything I can to make sure you don’t get hurt.”
Why couldn’t Ellie see this Jason? I knew she used to. She used to think he was the best person in the whole world. And in spite of what she’d said about him hurting me, and his selfishness, she had to know she wasn’t being fair. He’d messed up more times than I knew about, I was sure of that. But he had always done everything he could to fix the things he’d broken. Why couldn’t anyone accept that he’d grown up, or acknowledge the hard work he’d done to get his life back on track?
“I don’t need as much protecting as you think,” I whispered. “But thank you.”
“I know that. You’re tougher than people are giving you credit for. I’m just saying, I’m going to work damn hard so you don’t have to be tough.”
Butterflies flapped around in my stomach at his words. Who
was
this guy? How did someone who portrayed himself as so dangerous turn into the sweet man before me?
He grinned as if, once again, he’d read my mind. “Don’t be fooled.” He winked, and a mischievous sparkle flickered in his eyes. “I’m still the Jason you see on stage too. But what kind of man would I be if I didn’t take care of my woman?”
My mouth dried out. I was his woman. His. Woman.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my lips to his, kissing him harder than I ever had before. It had always been so gentle, but at that moment, I wanted him to be in no doubt how I felt. How much I wanted him. How much I wanted to make this work.
Jason pulled me in tighter, his tongue flicking into my mouth and making me push my body against his, my fingers twisting into his hair. His hands slipped lower and he bunched up the bottom of my shirt, pushing it up slightly so his fingers touched my skin.
It wasn’t enough. That light touch wasn’t enough, I needed more, and as heat flooded through me, a tiny moan of desperation slipped from my lips. Jason’s fingers moved higher, resting on the strap of my bra.
“Lucy,” Jason murmured as I closed my eyes. He kissed me again, but his hands moved lower and disappointment filled me as he put my shirt back in place and pulled away. “Sorry.”
“What for?”
“For telling you I’ll go slow and then kissing you that way.”
“I have no problem with that kiss. Only that you stopped.”
I was practically panting, which was totally embarrassing, but he’d just called me his woman, and very soon, I was going to be separated from him for a few weeks. I didn’t want to waste a second of our time doing anything other than exactly what we wanted to do.
He smiled, and I watched his lips, waiting for the second I could kiss them again. “Lucy Hayes, you dirty little thing.”
“What? What did I do?”
Laughing, he kissed me on the cheek. “I love that you have no idea.”
I narrowed my eyes on him, but couldn’t stop the smile. Whatever it was, it was his effect on me that set it off. I felt… naughty.
“Okay,” I said, changing the subject before I said or did something else that might embarrass me. “So… we’ve decided? I’m going home?”
Jason placed another, much softer, kiss on my lips. “Yes. But as soon as we get back to the UK, I want you there. I want you in London when we land so we can do cheesy London tourist shit. The stuff we’ll have missed out on through America.”
I grinned. “Can we go The Shard?”
“I’ll take you to the top.”
“Madame Tussaud’s?”
Jason snorted. “Don’t push your luck. I’m not going in there until my own wax work is there!”
I laughed out loud. “Hey, it’ll happen. Maybe not this year though.”
“Well, until then…” Jason pulled me close to him again and kissed me one more time. “Come on, Luce. Let’s go back and tell the others how grown up we are.”
“How about we tell them to go to hell?”
Jason stared into my eyes, his own dancing with amusement. “God, I’m going to miss you.”
“Me too, Jase. Me too.”
**
With great reluctance, Jason and I left the hotel and got into the waiting car to take us back to the tour bus. Journalists were still waiting outside, but we shoved through them and clambered onto the bus where Ellie, Drew and Derek had obviously been anxiously waiting for us, judging by the way they jolted to face us as we approached. With a level of maturity I didn’t feel, I explained the decision we’d reached, and there was visible relief from everyone. I tried not to be hurt by their happiness that I was leaving – I knew it wasn’t about me being unwanted, it was about damage control, but I’d kind of hoped someone would fight our corner. Mack had been the only person to attempt to stand up for us, but he’d been shot down with glares and he never spoke up again. I appreciated his effort though – he was a no bullshit kind of guy, and I respected his “do what you want and fuck what anyone else thinks” attitude.
Plans were made for me to fly home the next evening on the same flight as Ellie – although only just. I got the last seat on the plane, and we’d get the train the rest of the way home from Bristol. I wasn’t really looking forward to that part but I figured I could fake sleep for a few hours.
The rest of the day was long and uncomfortable. I felt isolated from everyone, even Jason to a certain extent because I felt Ellie and Drew watching us anytime we were together.
Maybe it was wrong, but a huge part of me blamed Ellie for the mess. If she hadn’t made a big deal out of me and Jason in the first place, we wouldn’t have had that talk outside the tour bus, we wouldn’t have been photographed, and I’d have been looking forward to spending an incredible day in Prague with her like we’d planned. Things with Jason would have worked out differently. Slowly. Privately.
Or maybe not. Maybe we were destined to cause controversy. Looking at the ifs of the situation wouldn’t change anything.
The day of fun in Prague I was supposed to be having was spent in the tour bus. Derek had left, but he’d also left strict instructions that Jason and I shouldn’t be seen together in public. Everyone else was free to go and do as they pleased, but Ellie was on full big sister watch, and apparently didn’t trust either me or Jason to be alone together, so she and Drew stayed behind too. I’d thought dinner the night before had ended uncomfortably but this took discomfort to levels I never believed existed. We must have looked like one of those videos you see on TV showing different frames to display the passing of time. Every now and again one of us would change positions, or leave the communal area before coming back, maybe with a book, or a guitar in Jason’s case. It was how I imagine Big Brother to be before they edit out all the crap bits.