Authors: Laura J Whiskens
“You guys finally got your acts together then?" Billy said to me as we sat on the field waiting for the others to join us. The sun felt warm on my body but I felt goose bumps as Billy spoke.
I blushed involuntarily, clearly Joel had told him about the night before. He put his arm around my shoulders loosely and we lay back on the grass. I let my head rest on his shoulder as I absentmindedly pulled at the buttercups next to me.
"What did he tell you?" I asked, not entirely comfortable about having this kind of conversation with Billy but too curious not to.
"That you got your freak on." He laughed as I punched him in the arm hard. "Hey! Okay he didn't say it quite like that. He said he finally realised why he got so pissed when he saw other guys look at you and he went over to see you and, you know, stuff happened."
"Was... Was the 'stuff', you know... Okay?" I wished for the ground to swallow me whole, my cheeks burned with embarrassment.
"I don't even wanna know that much detail! You're like my sister for Christ’s sake," he grimaced at me and rolled onto his side to look at me as I shifted my head onto the ground. "He had the biggest smile on his face today. He's happy and that's good."
I grinned at him and pushed him back to the ground playfully. I didn’t want to have to look him in the eye right now.
"Do you mind?" I asked hesitantly.
Billy and I had never really been a thing but a couple of years ago we got close to it. He said he liked me but I was still holding out for Joel. We'd kissed and I freaked out and we never spoke about it again.
"Nah, of course not. I always kinda knew it was him you liked and I love both of you so if you want to get together then that's okay with me. That whole thing... Well, it's water under the bridge." He looked down at the ground and pulled at the grass, not quite looking me in the eye.
I reached over and squeezed his hand as a thank you. The four of us were so close, if Joel and I being a 'thing' was going to mess with that then I didn't think I could go through with it. Billy was a player, he never admitted to liking girls and I hoped that I hadn’t hurt him by only having eyes for Joel, especially since they were brothers.
"Hitting on my girlfriend already bro?" The sound of Joel calling me his girlfriend had my inner cheerleader screaming her head off, pom-poms and all. I inwardly cringed at myself but felt my face light up at the sight of him nonetheless.
He and Waz dropped down on the grass next to us, Joel pulled me to him so my head was resting on his knee. I was way too uncomfortable in front of the other two, who were making kissy faces and crossing their eyes at us.
"Oh my God," I cringed and hid my face. "I hate you both so much right now."
“Get used to it kiddo,” Waz smirked at me with a wink. “How do you think we feel watching you guys smooch? Totally, totally wrong.”
“They’re just jealous,” Joel leaned down to kiss me full on the lips. I ducked out of the way. “Playing hard to get?”
“Playing ‘oh my God this is too weird in front of dumb and dumber’ actually,” I replied.
I sat up now and scooted a little way away from Joel. As much as I’d waited for this, I was completely unprepared for how weird it would feel to smooch in front of our little group.
“Nah, she’s just come to her senses already bro,” Billy laughed and ducked as Joel threw a handful of grass at him. “Come on Waz, let’s leave them to it – we can go mess with the Barbie Brigade.” Billy was referring to the school cheerleaders who we knew were practising in the school gym.
“Catch you guys later,” Waz and Joel fist bumped and he leaned down to ruffle my hair before he and Billy made their way across the field.
“Alone at last,” Joel smiled at me and pulled me into a kiss.
This, right here, was me in heaven.
I stamped the snow off my red biker boots before heading into the lock up. In the months since Joel and I had gotten together winter had edged its way into our lives and now it was freezing cold, so much so that I could now see little clouds of my own breath coming from my mouth. Joel greeted me with a kiss and a big smile, warming me instantly.
I’d thought my dream relationship would have shattered as soon as it became a reality but we were still going strong and I couldn’t have been happier. I’d had a bad throat thanks to the turn in the weather and was having to pick up extra shifts at the diner because my dad had had his shifts cut at work so I hadn’t made it to many practices lately.
“Ah, she lives! I thought she was just a ghost of the girl we knew,” Waz teased as I settled down on the third-hand sofa in front of the kit.
“Ha-ha,” I squeaked and coughed.
“Throat’s no better?” Billy asked, looking at Joel in concern. We had a gig in just under a week and my voice had no sign of improving. I hadn’t managed to sing at all for a few weeks by this point.
“You need to audition someone else guys,” I told them. I cut them off as they started to protest. “It’s fine – really. I only sang in the first place ‘cause you wanted a female lead. The band was always your thing anyway. I’ve enjoyed it but it’s your dream, not mine. Audition, okay?”
They knew it was true. I could carry a tune and they’d wanted a female vocalist to clash with their heavy sound and I was the logical choice since they hated almost every other teenage girl in town at the time. My dream was to be an artist and I’d spent a lot of time designing posters and CD covers for them over the two years the band had been going.
“I don’t like it,” Joel protested and came to sit on the sofa with me.
“This gig is important man,” Billy reasoned with him.
It was true; this was a huge event. Around a dozen bands from the surrounding areas were coming to play which had apparently peaked the interested of a label scout from LA. If all went well on the night one or more of the bands could be invited to audition for the label by the end of the year. It had caused a real buzz around school and suddenly the popular girls found Billy, Waz
and
Joel ‘like so awesome’, which was both funny (for them) and worrying (for me) at the same time.
“It really is,” I agreed. “If you guys got asked to audition it would be incredible. Goodbye Shitsville, hello sunshine!” I hugged myself into Joel and smiled up at him.
This could be our ticket out of here.
"You really think it was okay?" Joel paced back and forth behind the make shift stage, unable to keep still.
"You guys were fricking awesome, truly!" I reassured him for the hundredth time since they'd finished their set. "I'd definitely tell you if it sucked!"
My voice hadn't improved enough to perform and in the end they'd decided against auditioning to replace me. They had instead gone on as a three piece and Billy had sung the vocals I usually did. He'd been incredibly good at it too, despite always insisting that he couldn't sing. I'd never been a spectator of the band before and it was a strange experience not to be up on stage with them. Tonight I was just a groupie like every other girl there; that part I wasn't overly keen on.
"Dude, I think I blew that solo part royally. What was I thinking? We shoulda auditioned," Billy was pacing in opposite directions to his brother and the sight made me smile.
Waz sat on the floor with his back to the wall, roll up in one hand, his head in another not saying a word. I sat down next to him with my legs stretched out in front of him. He rested his head on my shoulder and we watched the brothers pacing together.
"Of course you were no match for me but I think you sang my parts just fine Bill," I smiled at him. The two of them were starting to make me dizzy. "It was weird to just watch, fun though. People were going crazy, I thought I might get squashed when they started moshing!"
Joel came to a standstill beside me and pulled me to my feet, Waz's head was yanked away as I rose. Joel was sweaty from performing and his black t-shirt clung to his muscly arms and chest, his spiked hair was starting to wilt and he looked exhausted but gorgeous. Every inch the rock star, my heart fluttered and I felt my inner cheerleader swoon at him.
"I didn't like you not being up there with us," he kissed me, his hands wondering down to my backside. Performing had an arousing effect on him I'd come to discover over the months we'd been a couple. "I hope your voice is better soon."
"I think my days as a vocalist after over J," I replied in between kisses. Oh God I loved the kissing. "Billy is just too good."
"So you wanna be my groupie instead baby?" He whispered teasingly into my ear. Though being a groupie outraged me, the feeling of his body pressed to mine and his breath on my neck made me desperately wish we were alone.
"Oh geez guys, get a room already!" Billy threw an empty Coke bottle at his brother and I felt my cheeks flush, suddenly mortified.
"Green's not a good look for you bro," Joel winked at me as I moved away from him. He grabbed hold of my hand and pulled me back towards him.
"I can't wait to get you alone," he whispered to me.
Billy shot us both an exasperated look and went back to pacing around the concrete floor. We were silent, the sound of another band finishing their set drifted in.
"You think the scout guy is going to be interested in us auditioning?" Waz finally spoke up.
"Yeah, I'd say he'd be very interested in you auditioning," came a strange voice from the shadow of the stage curtains.
It was the label scout.
"Man I can't believe this!" Billy was practically bouncing off the walls. "Pinch me, I'm dreaming."
Waz obliged and got punched on the arm for it.
"Ow, dude you said to do it!" Waz laughed as he held his injured arm.
The two of them started rolling around the floor play fighting and fooling around. They were beyond excited after talking to the scout.
The scout, Ray, had said he loved their set and the crowd had gone crazy for them, so that basically told him all he needed to know. There were around five hundred people in the audience during the concert that night and that was a good enough number for the scout to decide that this band had what he was looking for.
Ray had left his card with them, taken their details and said he'd be in touch to sort out their flights to California for the record label auditions. They were told to get ready to leave in the next couple of weeks, if all went well they’d be asked to stay to record some demos.
I was feeling apprehensive. I didn't regret my decision to call it a day as the singer but I was now left wondering what exactly this meant for me as the fourth in this group of friends. And as Joel's girlfriend.
"You okay?" Joel pulled me in for a kiss. They were so happy, I wished I could share their joy.
"Yeah, just a little overwhelmed I guess," I replied. "I can't believe this is happening."
"Me either, it's unreal." We watched the others roll around the floor and laughed. “When that guy told us he liked our shit I thought I was dreaming. I mean, California!”
He started kissing my neck but I was too restless to enjoy his attention. I was grateful for the distraction of the others. Teenage hormones threatened to make me cry; what would I do in this dumb ass town without these clowns to keep me sane?
"It'll be cool, like our first holiday together," Joel was nibbling my ear now. His hormones made him permanently horny.
“How so?” I replied and pulled back to look him in the eyes, surprised at his comment.
“I know these guys will be there too and we’ll have to be in the studio,” he said. “But you and me, we can still have some time to look around, right?”
“Really? You want me to come?”
“I’ll be damned if we’re going without you!” he looked outraged at the thought. “Until a couple of days ago you were part of the band, just ‘cause you’re not singing with us anymore doesn’t make you any less a part of it.”
I was taken aback. I had presumed that they were going to California for the audition without me while he had presumed that I'd be joining them.
I was suddenly sharing their excitement. I wouldn't be left behind after all.
Beside me Joel clenched his fists. It had been a week since the gig and as promised Ray had called so we could iron out the details of the band’s audition for the record label.
“Indi isn’t a groupie, she’s part of the band dude,” Joel tried to explain. It was so embarrassing to be sat there listening to them talk about me.
“In what capacity? When I came to see you there were just the three of you on stage?” Ray asked, his patience starting to waver.
“Well – she was, you see...” Billy realised that I wasn’t an official part of the band any more. “She was our vocalist, but she had this throat infection so she had to step down because she couldn’t hit the notes. I was standing in that night...”
“So is she a part of the band now? Because I gotta tell you boys, I sold you as an all-male three piece. Nothing was mentioned about there being a fourth member, let alone a girl. We can see you in the market as I saw you, I’m not too sure about the set up you’re telling me now...”
“No, I’m not in the band anymore,” I jumped in. It was no use, and if they tried to argue it they could lose the chance to audition. “If you’re sure there’s no way I can join the guys then that’s how it has to be.”
I kissed Joel’s hand and smiled at the other two.
It’s okay,
I mouthed to them all.
“Sorry honey, no room for passengers in this business I’m afraid. If there was anything I could do, I would,” Ray said through the speakerphone. “Maybe if they pass the record’s audition we could get you on a bus over to stay while they record the demos.”
“Yeah, okay,” we said as one in chorus.
“Cool, so I’ll courier over your tickets and then meet you at the airport this end with a car,” Ray sounded pleased to have settled the argument. “We’ve gotten you into a hotel right down the street from the studios and there’s plenty for you to do while you’re here!”
“Thanks dude,” Billy spoke into the speaker. “We’ll see you then.”
Waz clicked the button to end the call and looked at me. “Sorry Ind, that sucks for you.”
“It’s cool, really.” I didn’t trust myself not to cry like a child. “I gotta get to my shift; if I’m late again my boss will fire my ass. I’ll catch you later.”
“I’ll walk you,” Joel jumped up and fist bumped the other two to say goodbye. “I’ll come over to the lockup after to catch up on everything.”
“Later guys,” Billy replied and jumped up to kiss me on the head. “It sucks you can’t come with us.”
Joel and I left hand in hand and walked the back street to the diner I waitressed in. We were both quiet for a while.
“I feel really bad; I want you to come so much. I didn’t think there would be any problem with it,” he pulled me close and put his arm around me as we walked.
I couldn’t help myself, tears welled up and I felt really guilty for being so selfish.
“I’m really happy for you, honestly, I’m just feeling sorry for myself,” I told him. “What will I do without you guys here? What will I do without
you
here?”
“I’m gonna miss you so bad,” he kissed my head. “You know, we could just be there for the two days and they hate us and send us home with a ‘thanks but no thanks.’”
“I don’t want that – I want them to love you, I
know
they’ll love you. If they ask you to stay and record some demos then we’ll deal with it when the time comes.”
We were almost outside the diner now.
“You guys going to come over when I’m on my break?” I asked as he pulled me in for a hug.
“Yeah, we’ll be over for sure. Have a good shift okay,” he kissed me and I headed into the diner.
As I walked through to the staff area I took deep breaths to try and stop the tears from falling. My heart hurt and I was terrified of being left behind to rot in this hellhole of a town without the only people I ever cared about.