Riot Girl (8 page)

I was surprised to find Daniel was home early when I came in. One look at him meant one thing: I was in trouble.

“Jakey honey, why don’t you take Bonnie outside to play, she’s been cooped up all day,” I smiled at him, ushering him and Bonnie out of the patio doors.

“Jesus Christ, Indiana–the whole fricking town is talking about your interview today! Why the hell didn’t you tell me?” Daniel paced the kitchen, throwing his hands in the air as he ranted.

Apparently the gossips had sources better than my own, the rest of the world seemed to know my business before I did recently.

“It was as much of a surprise to me as it was to you, trust me. I was set up by a so-called friend.” I slumped down into a chair and put my head down on the dining table.

The cold surface felt good on my forehead, soothing my busy brain. I lifted my head and watched Jacob running around the yard, Bonnie hot on his heels as he giggled away. That smile of his melted my heart; he was beginning to look so much like Joel now…

“You’re going to tell him, aren’t you?” Daniel’s face contorted in pain as he followed my gaze out of the open patio doors.

“I honestly haven’t decided,” I rested my head in my hands, pushing my hair back. “Part of me thinks he
should
know, and then I remind myself that Joel is–ridiculously–a rock star with a crazy life and I don’t want Jacob affected by that. Besides–
you
are Jacob’s father.”

“I knew this day would come,” Daniel’s eyes filled with tears. “Please don’t take him away from me Indi.”

“Never,” I stood up and held him, hiding my face in his neck and breathing in the scent of him. “Never, Daniel.”

              Rob owed me big time, and I called in his debt by getting him to arrange for me to see Joel alone and ‘off the record’. He’d had to go through Betsy–he’d clearly managed to charm her, though how I didn’t wish to know.

I felt guilty about sneaking off to meet him behind Daniel’s back, but he wouldn’t approve of me seeing Joel. He was feeling incredibly insecure and he was at the end of his tether with the press camping out in our front yard.

Joel and I had opted for a coffee shop just outside town. We agreed to meet in the early morning in hopes that no one would be around to recognise him or photograph us. I decided to take Bonnie as an alibi; it wasn’t unusual for me to take her on an early morning jog with me so my absence wouldn’t cause suspicion.

I sat in my car, nervously biting at my nails as Bonnie panted warm dog breath in my face. I patted her head gently as I contemplated leaving.

“What am I doing, Bon-Bon?” I asked her. “I’m such a damn idiot.”

There was a tap on my window, causing me to start and my hand flew to my chest. It was Joel. My heart raced, whether from the fright or the sight of his face so close to my own, only the glass separating us. He was still as handsome as ever, his eyes piercing me.

I fumbled with the door handle and stepped out of the car, Bonnie jumping out beside me with her golden tail wagging happily. Joel knelt down to greet her.

“Hey beautiful,” he said as she nuzzled his hand excitedly.

“Sorry. She’s my, well, she’s my alibi I guess,” I shrugged nervously as he stood back up.

Being nervous around Joel was a whole new experience for me. My heart felt like it might burst out of my chest, and my hands were clammy–I wiped my palms hastily on my sweatpants; I’d even dressed as though I was going for a jog. I couldn’t quite bring myself to look him in the eye.

“Alibi?” he looked amused. “Well let’s take her for a walk then, shall we.”

“Come on Bon-Bon,” I called her to heel and she obediently trotted by my side. “I’m with someone you see, he wouldn’t be happy if he knew I was here, with you. So I brought Bonnie with me so he wouldn’t be suspicious. We’ve had reporters following us lately, he’s not too happy.”

“I’m sorry about that, hazard of the job for me but it’s not fair that they’re bugging you,” he said apologetically. “Who is he? Someone from town?”

“His name is Daniel–you probably wouldn’t remember him, but he was in our class at school,” I replied, trying to sound relaxed. “We live in a little house just out of the main town.”

“With your kid…” he finished.

“Yeah, my son–Jacob,” I felt myself tense up as the subject came to Jacob. “He’s a great kid.”

“Are you happy?” he asked.

We found a bench and sat down; I unclipped Bonnie’s leash and threw her ball for her. Joel’s question had taken me by surprise;
was
I happy? I had a good job–one that I didn’t hate at least; a son I adored and a nice home. And a stable, normal relationship.

“Yeah, I guess I am happy. I don’t want for anything and I have a good life,” I answered, and then smiled. “Obviously I’m not a rich, famous rock star but you can’t have everything, right?”

He chuckled at that comment. “It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.”

We sat in silence for a while, both of us watching Bonnie as she tossed her ball up into the air and chased her tail in circles. Joel broke the silence first.

“I missed you Indi…”

“Don’t,” I cut him off, aware of the anger starting to bubble up inside of me. “Please, just don’t.”

I wiped a tear away, caused more by the anger and pain than the sadness. He put his hand on mine and I pulled it away.

“I’m sorry,” he tried again.

“So, are you happy?” I turned the question on him.

He took a deep breath. “No, not really. I’m exhausted, and lost.”

I was surprised by his response. I turned to look at him properly for the first time, daring to take him in. He did look exhausted, there were dark circles under his eyes and the smile, which I had always known to play on the corners of his mouth, was gone, replaced by the frown lines on his forehead. I could see that his answer had been genuine.

“What happened to you?” I asked quietly.

“I left you,” he returned my gaze.

Without even realising I had done it, I found myself holding his face in the palms of my hands and I kissed him softly. His lips felt soft and warm on my own as they brushed together.

“You did,” I replied and stood up to leave, whistling for Bonnie to come to me.

Joel grabbed hold of my hand. “Don’t go.”

“I have to Joel,” I answered, pulling my hand away and clipping Bonnie’s leash back on to her collar. “I have to get back for Jacob.”

“Can I see you again?” his eyes pleaded with me.

“Yes.” I walked away quickly, before I lost myself in him once more.

It was a few days later that I got a text from Joel, asking to meet up in the same place again. Daniel was at work and Jacob was at school so I agreed to go along.

When I got to the park Joel was sat on the ground, running the grass through his hands with a faraway look on his face. I stood and watched him for a moment, taking him in. Age hadn’t changed him; he still had the ability to give me butterflies and bring to the surface all the feelings I had buried deep inside for the past seven years.

“Hey,” I called out, as I got nearer.

Joel looked up, beamed at me and then indicated for me to join him on the grass. “It’s nice here, so quiet. I’d forgotten what it was like to just sit and be quiet for a while.”

“I guess between gigs, recording and screaming fans you don’t get a lot of quiet time?” I smiled.

“You can say that again,” he nodded. “Sitting outside alone is almost impossible, there’s always someone asking for a picture or an autograph. Though it’s not as bad now as it was a couple of years ago. That’s why our manager wanted us to do this show–he thinks it’ll push us back into the limelight, give people some fresh interest in us.”

“Getting to be old news, huh?” I pulled at the grass, spreading my fingers to let the blades fall back to the ground. “Younger, prettier rock stars starting to take your place?”

“Something like that,” he laughed. “No dog today?”

“Nah, though she wasn’t impressed about being left,” I replied. “Daniel’s at work today and Jake’s at school so I didn’t have to make up an excuse to come out.”

“I found my old yearbook,” he said, looking at the ground sheepishly. “I remember him now. I gotta admit I'm more than a little shocked that you're with that... that–
guy
."

I had a rough idea about what he really wanted to call Daniel but the look on my face clearly put him off letting the words leave his mouth.

"You don't understand," I replied, fighting back tears. "You don't know what he did for me when you left. I was completely alone here."

"So how long was it after I'd gone that you jumped his bones?" He was getting angry now and his words made me see red.

"You hypocritical son of a bitch!" I rounded on him; fighting the urge to hit him, I shoved him instead. "You left me! I came to find you and was told there was no place for me in your life anymore and to stay away!"

Tears stung my eyes as I kept pushing him until he fell back against the ground, taking me with him. He'd had hold of my arm and I fell on top of him, before quickly scrambling away. I pulled my knees up to my chest protecting myself against the torrent of emotions.

"I came to tell you..." The sobs overwhelmed me now, bringing back pain I'd buried inside for almost seven years. "I–I..."

"For God’s sake, what Indi?" He was looking at me like I was losing my mind. Maybe I was.

My legs sagged down; I was completely spent and resigned to my fate. I whispered my response.

"What? I can't hear a word you're saying,” he pulled my chin upwards so he could look at me properly.

"I was pregnant," I cried. "We had a baby."

He sank down beside me. His turn to be shocked and crazy. "What... How... Where is it?”

I sucked in a deep breath, blowing my cheeks out and pushed the air back out. Joel put his arm around me and I didn't have the strength to fight him off so I let him sit there and comfort me like he should have done years earlier, as I watched our son grow inside me.

When I recovered enough to speak I straightened myself out and rubbed my smudged mascara away with the back of my hand.

"I got the bus to see you in California. When I got there some guy called Paulie gave me a roll of money and told me to ‘take care of it’,” the words came tumbling out, as though a dam had broken. “Dad kicked me out when he found out. Daniel pretended to be the father and so his parents very generously gave us somewhere to live.”

"I'm so sorry, you have to believe me, I just didn't know." Joel had tears running down his face and for the briefest moment I was seventeen and in love with him again.

Was I ever out of love with him? I wondered. No, there was too much water under the bridge for me to think this way.

"He came too early," I continued. "He was so tiny. We spent weeks in the hospital waiting for him to be strong enough to come home. I tried to contact you again but the record company wouldn't let me speak to you. Your mum and Darcy had left already. I wanted you to see him.”

"What happened to him?" He reached for my hand but I moved out of his grasp, just as he had moved from mine all those years ago.

“Jacob…” I whispered.

Joel’s jaw dropped open before he burst into a huge smile. “Jacob, he–he’s mine?”

"Yeah," I nodded. Words failed me now. "Shit, I have to go."

I stood up and brushed my clothes down with my hands. I'd have to fix my face in the car before Jacob saw me.

"Can I–can I come with you?" Joel looked at me awkwardly as he stood up beside me. "I'd like to meet him."

I paused to consider his request. He looked so broken and I pitied him for the turmoil he now had to deal with. But Jacob was not a pawn in this game.

"No, not today. I have to speak to Daniel first. Maybe another time," I replied. I smiled as I thought of his inquisitive little face. "He'd like to meet you though, he thinks this media circus is the best thing since Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. He doesn’t know though, and I don’t want him to–not yet."

“Why not?” Joel asked, without any malice.

“I’m not sure if he should know at all,” I replied honestly. “Daniel is the only father he’s known, your life is too crazy for him to have a place in. I want him to have the stability we never had as kids. I want him to be normal and to fit in. We never did and if he knows who you really are then he will never be normal again.”

Joel looked like he might argue, but then thought better of it and nodded sadly. “Okay.”