“Christ, Alex, you let this all go.” He finally found his bearings and put voice to the one question that had tormented him since he’d left. “Why?”
Alex didn’t answer, and Matt hadn’t expected him to. Instead they both lay there with their demons.
Chapter Sixteen
Alex left for work long before the sun came up. He told Matt he could stay in the house as long as he wanted, but without Alex around there really was no point. The nostalgia was stronger than ever as Matt rolled out of bed and attempted to pull himself together while a hangover pounded at his temples and made his stomach roll.
As he walked out the front door, he noticed the marlin mounted over the door frame and smiled in spite of everything. The pain wasn’t quite as intense as it had been when he’d left it on that early morning before driving back to Atlanta. He could stare at it and appreciate the joy it represented.
He took his time driving back to his mother’s place, admiring the haloed street lamps in the darkness and remembering riding to work with Alex on their matching motorcycles.
It may have been bittersweet, but as the first rays of sunshine started spreading across the dark sky, a tiny spark of optimism inside him made Matt glad he came back. He was too jaded to believe in tomorrows, but they had yesterday. Matt hoped like that marlin above Alex’s door frame the memories would eventually fade the pain and leave him smiling about reconnecting with a man who would always own a piece of Matt’s soul.
Sleep was out of the question as he pulled his shoes off at the welcome mat because his mother didn’t like them on her tiles. He walked in when Charlie opened the door.
“You’re up early,” Matt observed with a bemused smile.
Charlie shrugged, looking tired. He had circles under his eyes and his gray hair was disheveled as he pushed it away from his forehead. “We’ve had a night, Mr. Tarrington.”
Matt paused, giving him a look as any sort of good feeling fell out of him. “What kind of night?”
“Where were you?” His mother’s screech echoed against the tiles. “I’ve been calling you since yesterday evening!”
“I turned off my phone because I’m on vacation, and it never stops pestering me.” Matt turned to his mother and tilted his head. “And I wasn’t aware I needed to check in with you.”
“I want to know where you were,” she demanded as she stopped in front of him, putting her hands on her hips. “You came here to spend time with me, not gallivant all over the island.”
“I came here for a vacation,” he said tiredly. “I chose the island because I enjoy everything it has to offer. I’m almost thirty. You have no control over what I do or where I spend my nights.”
“Were you with him?” she snapped as if she didn’t hear a word Matt had just said.
Matt looked to Charlie, who was doing a very good job at feigning interest in the chandelier. Then he turned back to his mama and said simply, “Yes, I was.”
“The dirty little liar.” She hissed as if having a conversation with herself. “That thief!”
“Okay, I’m going to bed now.”
Even if Matt couldn’t sleep with his mind still buzzing, he was sure there were five hundred e-mails waiting to be answered on his laptop. He hadn’t checked his phone yet, but he didn’t have to. The job was nothing if not consistently tiring and for once it was a relief. Working would certainly be an improvement over standing there listen to his mother lose her mind.
“You’re not walking away from me,” she said as she jumped forward and stood in Matt’s way. “I have something to tell you about that sea urchin.”
Matt huffed in bored disinterest. “Then say it.”
* * * *
“So when are you going to fill me in?” Holly asked as she leaned against the server station. “We want all the dirty details.”
“He doesn’t want all the dirty details.” Alex gestured to Jamie with his spatula.
“Oh no, I do,” Jamie assured him. “Lay it on me.”
Alex snorted. “Too bad you’re not old enough to hear them.”
“Dude, I’m twenty-two,” Jamie said with a frown at Alex. “I’m old enough to make details of my own, okay?”
“Wow,” Alex said as he stood there and reeled over that knowledge. Why did twenty-two feel so far away? “You make me feel old.”
“Make me feel old too, why don’t you?” Holly laughed and then tilted her head to glare at Alex. “Are you going to dish or what? We need to live vicariously through you.”
“You smoke, Jamie?” Alex asked curiously, because Jamie didn’t head out back every five minutes like most line cooks.
“Sometimes.”
“Then take a break.”
“Ah, okay, I get it,” Jamie said as he stepped away from the warmers. “But it’s cool. How about I just go out and help the servers clean the tables instead? Play busboy for a while?”
“That works.”
After he left, Holly gave him a haughty smile. “Tell me what a great job I do at hiring the help.”
“He’s a good kid.” Alex nodded. “I like him.”
“So what happened with Matt?”
“Exactly what you think happened.” Alex shrugged. “And that’s all you’re getting out of me.”
“Are you going to get married and live happily ever after?”
“Probably not,” Alex said with a sad laugh. “Even if we could get married in Florida, which we can’t, I think it was just sort of closure.”
Holly nodded. “Is that a good thing?”
“Well, it’s not a
bad
thing.”
“Do you still love him?” Holly asked softly, as if desperate for her own closure.
“I never stopped.” Alex sighed as he tried to sort out the riot of emotions Matt coming back caused.
“Dude, you can’t go back there.” Jamie’s voice drifted into the kitchen from the front. “That’s for employees only.”
Alex and Holly turned just as Matt’s large frame filled the door to the kitchen. His light eyes were narrowed, and the rage was noticeable even before he said anything.
“Can I have a word with you, Alex?”
He frowned at the clipped anger in Matt’s voice. “Sure.”
Alex looked to Jamie, who tilted his head past Matt’s shoulder and mouthed,
Is this the guy?
When Alex gave him a look, Jamie’s smile broadened as he mouthed,
hot
with extreme enthusiasm.
Half worried Jamie was going to start humping Matt’s thigh, he held out his spatula. “Mind taking over?”
“No problem.” Jamie pushed past Matt, practically vibrating with excitement as if he had just fallen into gay heaven. “You just take all the time you need. I got this.”
Alex let Holly squeeze his hand as he walked past her. Then he followed Matt out back as the sinking feeling in his stomach grew. He was practically hyperventilating by the time they closed the door and stood on the back steps facing each other.
Matt folded his arms over his chest and narrowed his eyes at Alex as he asked, “Did you sell me out for this place?”
Icy-hot dread washed over Alex. He stared at Matt and realized it was happening, this time a thousand times worse because it was going to ruin the good memories too. Whether it was more anger than fear that had him almost vibrating from the sickening feeling surging through him Alex wasn’t sure. The only thing he
was
sure about was Cecilia Tarrington had waved her magic wand of hate and was working to systematically ruin the last vestiges of happiness Alex was trying to cling to where Matt was concerned.
“Is that what she told you?” Alex shot back.
“Yeah.” Matt nodded, the same level of fury pulsing through him, only his anger was directed entirely at Alex. “Then I looked up her bank accounts because I didn’t want to believe it.
Not you
. I may have been a piece of ass or an experimental phase, but I was never a checkbook to you. At least I didn’t think I was. I guess I was wrong.”
“Listen to me, Matty.” Alex reached out instinctively, but Matt shoved his hand away before he could touch him. “It was never about money. I’ve made mistakes. A fuckload of them, but I wouldn’t have sold you for
anything
. I bought this place to hide. To prove I could make something of myself. I made her give me the money because there was nowhere else to get it.”
“That doesn’t really make it better,” Matt countered, his eyes narrowed in furious betrayal. “You still exchanged me for the cash to buy this place, and you know what the bitch of it is, Lexie? I would’ve bought you ten restaurants. Hell, I would’ve bought you a hundred of them. All you would’ve had to do was ask.”
“I DID NOT SELL YOU OUT FOR THIS PLACE!” Alex screamed at him. “I ended us because I was scared! I was young and stupid and scared of you hating me when your mama cut you off, and the entire world turned against you for loving me. I didn’t want you hurt. I was protecting you.”
“The money’s mine,” Matt said with a bitter laugh. “She can’t cut me off. My father knew what a controlling bitch she was. He put it all in my name. She gets an allowance from me.”
A pained, hysterical laugh broke out of Alex as he shook his head. “Of course she does. That just makes it all perfect. I’ve been dying for the last six years for nothing.”
“If you’d have asked, I would’ve told you. We used to talk. We were—” Matt’s voice broke, his steely veneer peeling before Alex’s eyes. “We loved each other, Alex. We talked about shit. I remember because I have relived every moment of that year a million times in my mind trying to figure out where it went wrong. Why would you push me away at the exact moment when we should’ve been fighting for a future together? We were right there. The bullshit would’ve blown over.”
Alex put his hand over his eyes, realizing he was going to come apart right there on the back steps of the restaurant. It was all so unfair; he almost couldn’t breathe past the injustice of it.
“I’m sorry,” Alex finally whispered in a choked, miserable croak of anguish. “I don’t really have an excuse. All I can do is apologize—for everything.”
“I’m sorry too,” Matt said in a soft, bitter voice that spoke of a loss too difficult to comprehend. “Because we could’ve really been happy together if you’d been willing to stick it out.”
Alex was almost relieved when Matt walked away. With his soul torn open and bleeding, he didn’t want to stand there and see the last remnants of love for Alex fade out of Matt’s eyes.
He was crying, but he didn’t care as he pulled open the door to the restaurant once the low hum of Matt’s Bentley started up. He walked past the kitchen to the front of the restaurant and went on a search for paper and pen.
The dining room became eerily quiet as Alex worked on writing out a sign with shaking hands and tears running down his face. Then he grabbed the tape dispenser and made a show of taping the sign to the front door.
It said two words—GONE FISHING.
“It’s nine in the morning,” Daryl said in a stunned voice as he came up behind Alex who was sticking an extra piece of tape to the bottom of the sign just to make sure it stayed put because he planned to be gone for a while. “Isn’t that a bad business practice?”
“The man I have loved almost my entire adult life just left believing I sold him out for this restaurant,” Alex growled back at Daryl. “Ask me if I give a shit about bad business practices? The way I feel right now, it can rot to the fucking ground!”
Daryl took a step back in horror. “
The man you love
?”
“That’s right. The man I love,” Alex repeated as he took a menacing stop toward Daryl who was suddenly looking at him like he had an infectious disease. “Holly’s not the one who’s gay.
I am
. I was born gay, and I will die gay. She has rainbow stickers on her car because she hates that I have to listen to narrow-minded, bigoted assholes like you spew hateful bullshit on a regular basis. So if you’ve got a problem with who I love, you can suck it, Daryl!”
Alex turned around, leaving Daryl shocked speechless as he stormed into the back to gather his things. He passed Holly and Jamie, both standing there with wide eyes. Holly’s hand was over her mouth, and her face was pale.
“Dude,” Jamie started as Alex took his keys off the shelf in the back. “You know you just came out to the entire restaurant, right? ’Cause, like everyone heard that.”
“It doesn’t matter.” Alex grabbed his baseball cap and put it on backward. “I’m gonna go get drunk and catch some fish.”
“Alex,” Holly finally whispered as she stared at him in anguish. “You shouldn’t go out alone.”
“Yeah, I should,” he said with a sad smile as he reached out to her. “I’ll be fine.”
Holly squeezed his hand tightly as she bit her lip and her eyes grew watery. “Maybe you could fix it.”
“Nope, it’s over. His mother’s convinced him I sold him out for two-hundred grand and a seventy-hour-a-week job.” Alex sighed as he looked toward the back door. “Now I gotta go find a reason to keep breathing. The ocean’s usually a good place to start.”
Holly was quiet for a long moment before she nodded in understanding. “Okay.”
“I know the circumstances suck, but that was sorta awesome,” Jamie said with a sympathetic smile. “I wish I’d come out like that.”
Alex shook his head as he opened the back door. “No, you don’t.”
Chapter Seventeen
“Mr. Tarrington.”
Matt turned around from his seat on the upstairs patio of his mother’s beach estate and looked at Charlie. “Yes.”
“There’s a young woman here for you.” Charlie lifted his eyebrows pointedly. “I believe she’s an acquaintance of your friend Alex Hunter.”
“Oh.” Matt looked out to the ocean and winced. He really didn’t want to see anyone, especially Holly, but it wasn’t in him to send her away. “Tell her I’ll be down in a second.”
“I didn’t tell your mother she’s here. She’s waiting by the gate.”
“Shit.” Matt got out of his seat, knowing he couldn’t leave Holly standing by the road. He walked by Charlie, hitting him in the arm lightly. “Thanks for that.”
“No problem,” Charlie said with a smile. “I know who signs my paychecks.”
Matt nodded, not voicing out loud that he didn’t feel like being a paycheck today. He was so incredibly tired of it. For once he wanted to be something more to the people around him. Even his own mother treated him like a big bank account.