His voice was low when he started speaking, “I was home from college, visiting. Ryan was a couple of years younger than me and still in high school. He wanted to go to a party with some friends; idiots from the football team. He asked if I wanted to go, but I was in college, and wasn’t interested in reliving high school. He said he’d be gone for two hours. Two hours came and went, then four hours. My parents thought he’d just lost track of time, but I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. At five hours, I left to go look for him, thinking maybe the car they were in broke down or they didn’t have cell service or something.” He stopped talking and looked at the wall like he was gazing off in the distance, seeing the memory all over again.
“I drove to the party and found out they’d left two hours earlier. I searched all over town, looking for him at popular hangout spots. Each time I didn’t find him, the pit in my stomach got deeper. Finally, I decided to try an old abandoned building that some kids used for drinking, drugs, and sex. It wasn’t really Ryan’s scene, but he wasn’t driving and he was with a bunch of assholes. I was halfway down the road when I saw the lights.” He paused for several seconds, swallowing. His voice was rough when he went on, “The car was upside down, the lights shining on wheat in a field. I got out and started running to the car. That’s when I found the first body.” His expression wavered. I reached my other hand over, holding both of his hands in mine, trying to comfort him any way I could. “I immediately dialed 9-1-1 and kept looking for Ryan. He was still in the car and had been wearing a seatbelt, but the top of the car was completely crushed—”
He stopped, his eyes welling up.
I put my hand on his back and rubbed it, pulling him closer to me as tears dripped from my own eyes. I hadn’t known Jax’s brother, but I couldn’t imagine having to see anyone I loved like that. The images would haunt me for the rest of my life. “The ambulance came,” Jax said, his voice unsteady. “They had to use the Jaws of Life, but they were able to get Ryan out. He was still alive and they airlifted him to the hospital in Winchester because the doctors there were the best for his injuries. For a while, we thought he might pull through. But he never came out of his coma. I never got to talk to him again.”
He rolled his bracelet between his thumb and forefinger, and took several minutes before he was able to speak again. “I was depressed for a long time. I felt guilty, and blamed myself for not going with him that night. If I’d gone, I would have driven and it wouldn’t have happened. I was also livid at the guy who’d been driving the car—he was so drunk he couldn’t see straight. That asshole is the one who lived. Ryan and the two other guys in the car didn’t.”
My heart sank and I felt a combination of sadness for the needless deaths, and anger at the boy who had caused them. No wonder Jax had been so upset the night he thought I was going to drive drunk. He probably thought the same thing would happen all over again, and he’d lose someone else he cared about.
Jax paused, then took my hand and met my eyes. “The guy who lived was the one who came up to me at the gas station in Arizona. Maybe it makes me a bad person, but I’ll never be able to forgive him for taking Ryan away from us. It was such a stupid mistake to make, and it cost the lives of three people. Seeing him again that day was like reliving the entire scene in my head. I was furious, and I just shut down—like I did after Ryan died. His death taught me that there are no guarantees. It doesn’t matter how much you love someone, it can’t stop horrible things from happening to them, and taking the people you care about. Until you came along, the only people I’d let into my heart in the past eight years were Courtney and Paige. And even that scares the hell out of me. I don’t want to ever feel the pain of loss again—and I don’t want someone to have to feel it for me. I couldn’t stand the thought of having someone I care about be scarred the same way I was when Ryan died.”
He looked at our entwined hands. “That’s why I have such a hard time opening up, Syd. It’s not because I don’t care. It’s because I care too much.”
It was like the wall in Jax’s head had fallen, and a flood of emotions was finally coming through. I was shaken at all of the information Jax had just trusted me with, and deeply moved. I knew this was a huge step for him, and my heart was bursting that he’d wanted to let me into a memory that was so difficult for him to go back to. “Oh, Jax. I’m so sorry,” I put my arms around him, and held him tight. “I’m sorry I wasn’t more understanding in Arizona, and I’m sorry this happened to you and your family. I wish I’d had the chance to know Ryan.”
Jax smiled at that. “He would have liked you.”
I gave him a watery smile back, and we spent the next few minutes just holding each other.
“How did you come out of your depression?” I asked.
I felt Jax’s fingers on my head, moving absently through my hair. “Counseling. And figuring out ways to deal with my anger. That’s how I started making jewelry.” He pointed to his matte, black beaded bracelet. Memories of Lake Powell were suddenly very vivid in my mind.
“The bracelet that helps your ego?”
He smiled. “It really does do that, but the stone is supposed to take away negativity and help you deal with grief. I’ve worn it for years. On the one year anniversary of Ryan’s death, I got my tattoo.” I looked at the number seventeen and the tribal design under it. I’d always wondered about the meaning, but never asked. “Ryan died when he was seventeen.”
I hugged him tighter. I just wanted to hold him forever, and make the pain go away. “Oh, Jax. I can’t imagine going through something like that. I think you’re the strongest person I know.”
He shook his head, adamant. “No. I’m not. Someone strong would have told you everything in the beginning, and never let you leave. That was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I’ve been beating myself up over it ever since. I just didn’t know how to say I was sorry and explain things to make everything right. Thank you for being the person who wasn’t afraid.”
My lips lifted. “That’s what partners are for, Jax. We support each other.”
He took my hands and met my eyes. “I realized something after you left. I know I can’t keep shutting out people I care about just because something might happen to one of us. If I still have the chance, I don’t want to live without you. I love you, Sydney Parker. I love your crazy phobias and your stubbornness. I love how driven you are and the goals you set for yourself. I love that you eat pizza and chocolate with a fork and knife, and how you keep me on my toes. I love your friends, your reading preferences, and I definitely love She-Ra. I want to make us work—if you’ll still have me. I can’t guarantee it will be easy, but I’ll try harder than I’ve ever tried before. I need you, Syd. Forever.”
I started to cry and wrapped my arms around his neck. I could see the future with this incredible man, and it couldn’t be brighter. “I love you, Jax. And I want to spend every possible moment with you. The last few weeks without you have been hell. You make me a better person, and I never want to be apart from you again.”
His eyes shown with unshed tears and love. He leaned in and kissed me, his lips soft and the kiss tender. “I’m damaged goods, you know.”
I trailed my hand down his chest. “Not damaged. Experienced, compassionate, and a better person because of what you’ve been through. That makes me pretty damn lucky.”
He reached a hand up and cupped my cheek, his eyes full of love and promises of our future together. “You saved me, Syd. I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I’m the luckiest bastard in the world to have you in my life.”
My lips stretched in a wide grin. “Me, too. There aren’t many girls who get to have sex with someone better in bed than a werewolf.”
His eyes brightened as his arms tightened around me, and his lips pressed hard against mine, sucking in my bottom lip. My hands raked through his hair. I couldn’t get enough of him; I knew I never would. He broke away from the kiss, his eyes hooded and his expression wanting. It mirrored my own. He bent down, wrapping one arm behind my back, the other under my legs and lifted me, cradling me on his chest. His voice was husky as he started down the hall to his room, “I’m about to show you how much better I really am.”
I couldn’t wait.
Tempting Sydney Theater Scene
from
Jax’s Point of View
The theater wasn’t crowded…which was exactly why I’d decided to take Syd to a four month old horror movie at the oldest theater in town. I’d also chosen a scary movie on purpose. I’d seen her jump at the haunted house. This time, I’d be the one she was grabbing onto. We had the top three rows to ourselves, but I chose the back row in the corner where we’d have more privacy. She lifted her legs, resting her feet on the bannister in front of us. With her legs up, the pink, knee-length skirt she was wearing was practically an invitation.
“I can’t believe we’re seeing a horror movie,” she said. “It’s so cliché.”
I glanced at her, suppressing a smile as I reached for the popcorn she was holding. I had no doubt she suspected my motives. “What do you mean?” I asked, feigning innocence.
She looked over at me, and I could tell it was taking a lot of effort for her not to roll her eyes. I popped some of the buttery snack in my mouth, waiting for her to tell me exactly what she thought—which she did, often. “Horror movies were made for guys. They’re scary, so the girl jumps or grabs your arm all through the movie. Pretending to be her valiant protector, you put your arm around her to keep her safe.” This time, she did roll her eyes and the corner of my mouth ticked up. “It’s the perfect opportunity to show how alpha you are by protecting us from fake monsters on a movie screen that can’t really hurt us anyway. In real life, you guys probably wouldn’t even protect us from a spider. But still, the protective aspects are appealing to both women, and men, in the situation. It’s an illustration of how even if we think we’ve evolved as humans, primitive nature still has a level of control.”
I smiled slowly, half amused, half turned on. She was so damn smart—and passionate. If she was this fervent about movie genres, it made me wonder how she’d be in bed. I just needed to convince her that sex was more fun than her homework. I was wearing her down, though. It had taken some time, but I could tell she wanted me almost as much as I wanted her. “I can see you’ve really thought that through,” I said, leaning my head back against the chair and looking at her sideways. “You should consider a dissertation deconstructing horror movies and their connection to the evolution of humans. I’m sure it would be a fascinating read.”
She glared at me, her bright pink lips forming a frown. All I could think about was where I wanted those lips. “Say what you want, but I bet you take all your dates to scary movies for that
exact
reason.”
She was absolutely right. It was one of the reasons we were here. The other was to engage in a little public foreplay—she just didn’t know it, yet. “I’m not gonna lie,” I lifted the armrest so there was no barrier between us, “it does keep them occupied, and me…entertained.” I let my mouth slide up in a brazen smile.
She lifted her head and gave me an I-told-you-so scowl, but the frown lingered. Syd was pretty easy to read, and I got the distinct impression that she didn’t like the thought of me being with other women. I couldn’t blame her. I’d certainly thought of the other men in her life. I wanted to kill every one of them. She had nothing to worry about, though. No woman in my past had ever affected me like Sydney Parker. She’d gotten under my skin and into my blood. I’d fought my feelings for a long time, but you can only fight the inevitable for so long. Syd had cracked my carefully constructed wall, and no amount of patching could fix the fissure. She was exactly what I needed, even if it had been a hard road to figure that out.
The trailers started; more horror movies. So far, she didn’t look too scared. I was counting on that changing soon.
It did.
Syd kept herself fairly controlled—because that’s how she always was, controlled—for the first twenty minutes of the movie. I watched out of the corner of my eye as she squirmed during suspenseful parts and even half-closed her eyes. I couldn’t help but notice her chest, rising and falling at a rapid rate, her breasts straining the fabric of her shirt. The buttons would be so easy to rip off. I tapped my fingers against my jeans, trying to get my mind off of where I wanted them to be instead—gently caressing her perfect, round chest. It was all I could think about…until Syd jumped, gasping as she grabbed for me. I shifted my eyes to the screen and saw a giant horned demon with bright red eyes and fire breathing from his mouth.
I looked at her hands wrapped around me and smirked. For someone with such strong opinions on horror movies and feminism, it certainly didn’t look like she was seeking protection against her will. This was exactly what I’d hoped would happen. She squeezed my bicep and kept squeezing. My mind immediately wandered to all of the other parts of me I wanted her to touch. The demon on the screen was getting closer, and Syd’s eyes were glued to the movie. I could see the demon about to breathe a fire-filled death on its next victim, and an evil thought crossed my mind. I leaned over, took a deep breath, and exhaled on her pretty, creamy white neck, her sexy blonde curls tickling my face as I did it.
She screamed.
I gave a deep laugh that started low in my stomach. Okay, so it was childish, and maybe I shouldn’t have done that, but it was an excuse to get my lips an inch away from her neck, and I couldn’t pass that opportunity up.
Syd’s eyes narrowed immediately and she slugged me in the shoulder. I laughed some more and lifted my hands in mock surrender. She wasn’t amused. She couldn’t see the flirting behind my teasing—or maybe she didn’t understand it—which seemed strange since I knew she’d been to elementary school. Regardless, she needed to let go of some of her focus and have some fun. But based on her folded arms and sudden movement as far away from me as possible, I needed to apologize for scaring her first. I stretched my arm out behind her shoulder, pulling her back into me. She held herself frozen at first, not willing to trust me, but as I ran my fingers lightly back and forth over the silky soft skin of her upper arm, she slowly thawed and melted into my chest. I liked her there. A lot. And despite my past, and what I thought I’d wanted, the truth was I wanted Syd next to me, holding onto me. Forever.