Authors: Elizabeth Brown
Red alert.
My eyes flew up to meet hers and for a split second, Ryan flashed in my mind. But she couldn’t be talking about Ryan; no, it had to be—
“It’s Brad, from the office!” she squealed, looking immensely pleased with herself.
I held my eyes open, trying not to flinch as I processed the information. Brad. Brad from the office. Of course. Yes, Brad from the office was cute. Very cute, sure, but we’d barely spoken. Only that one time when he’d invited me out to drinks, and then this morning in Cathy’s office. I felt myself grow a bit dizzy as I remembered the wink. That didn’t count…did it? Was Paulina playing me?
“Brad?” I said finally, sitting back in my chair and glancing around the café, making sure no one from the office was nearby. “Are you serious?”
Paulina widened her eyes at me “Heck yeah. Why, what’s the problem? Sexy not your type?”
I took another sip from my water bottle. “Um. No, I don’t know if I have a type, really.” It was basically true. My subconscious sneered at me—
Ryan Andrews certainly could be your type
, it huffed.
Brad could be your type too. Stop being so picky, Sally Sexless.
My subconscious was becoming a horny, sassy motherfucker.
“But you aren’t dating anyone, right?” Boy, she was really zeroing in on it now.
I thought about the agreement I had signed with the surrogacy center. I had agreed to no sex with other people until the end of my treatment. Not that that was at issue here. I still wasn’t about to jump into bed with anyone. I started to feel hot all over and I knew I was blushing.
“Natalie?”
I realized I had been staring down at my sandwich again. “Sorry, what?”
“I asked if you were dating anyone,” she said again.
“No. No, that’s not it. I’m just not sure—I mean, I’ve been really busy with the move and everything…”
“Nonsense,” she said waving at the air next to her. “He asked me about you. He’ll probably ask you out before the end of the week.”
“But HR, I don’t think they’d—”
“Nope, new handbook said as long as you don’t work in the same team or departme—”
This time it wasn’t me who interrupted. It was my phone. I looked down. Josh, A.K.A. Boyfriend #1 was calling me. I took the phone out and held it up to my ear, mouthing ‘sorry’ to Paulina.
“Hey Joshie!” I said brightly. Paulina smirked at me and sat back in her chair. She knew exactly what I was doing.
The relationship Josh and I had had while we were dating was vastly different than the friendship we had now. Once he came out of the closet, it was like he came alive. Sometimes I thought that maybe the reason I didn’t keep many close girlfriends was because I had Josh. He was all the excitement I could handle.
“Hey LeeLee!” he said. “How’s the fun and sun out in California?”
I chuckled. “Good, good, just out to lunch with someone from work. What’s up?”
“Oh, sorry babe. I didn’t mean to interrupt, but listen I had to call. I have great news!” he cried.
The corners of my eyes crinkled as I smiled. I hadn’t talked to him since the move. It was good to hear his voice. “Oh yeah? What’s the news?”
“Guess who’s coming to California!”
“What?” My eyes widened. Paulina cocked her head at me, curious about what was eliciting such a reaction.
“That’s right! New client. Very high-profile divorce. They just contracted with us.”
“Wait, so when? Soon?”
“I’m about to get on the plane now!”
“That’s crazy!”
“I know!”
“So, hang on, when are you getting in?”
“Should be around 5:30, West Coast time. So what do you say? Are you up for some fun?”
“Heck yeah. Want to get drinks when I get off? You can just take a cab here. Do you need a place to stay?”
“Sounds great. Does Heaven Sent have a men’s line? Any male models hanging around the office?” he laughed, “Just kidding. But no, don’t worry; they’re putting me up at the Four Seasons, and I will be making sure to take full advantage of the room, if you know what I mean…”
“Ew, Josh. Don’t make me hang up on you. I hope you don’t talk like that around your clients.”
He laughed. “No way, I’m totally pro-fesh with them. I’m so excited to see you!”
“Me too. I’ll text you the address.”
“Perfect! I have to go now; they just called my boarding group. See you soon, babycakes!”
“See you soon, Josh.” I smiled and pressed end before putting the phone back on the table. “Sorry about that.” I looked over at Paulina sheepishly. She was grinning again. Damn, that girl was always grinning.
“Not at all. Who was that?” she asked, clearly intrigued.
I was not about to tell her that Josh was my ex. “Uh, an old friend. Turns out he’s flying in today, and wanted to know if I was free.”
“Oh, so now you are free?” she teased.
Goddammit! She got me. Outmaneuvered by Lucy-fucking-Liu. I sighed. “I guess I am.”
“Perfect. Brad and I will join you. I mean, unless this thing with Josh is—”
“It’s not,”
I replied quickly before catching myself. “Paulina, I don’t think— Fine. Whatever. But you have to invite him.”
“You guys are going to be so cute together, Natalie.”
I slumped back, covered my face, and groaned.
“Just make sure I get an invitation to the wedding.”
~
Josh arrived around six, and after a big bear hug and some brief introductions, Paulina, Brad, Josh and I had made our way across the street to Rusty’s, an old-school dive-y bar that was all dark woods and dim lighting. We’d taken up residence in a booth in the back and were safely ensconced in workplace gossip about who was dating who.
“You know, I heard the custodian found them coming out of the supply closet together and his fly was down,” Paulina said as she picked up her phone and held it out at arm’s length. “Smile guys!”
We all leaned in and smiled.
“A little to the left, Nat. I can’t see your whole face.”
I leaned in further. The fact that she was trying to get me closer to Brad was not lost on me.
“Got it,” Paulina squealed at her screen, remarkably pleased with herself.
“That custodian thing was just a rumor,” Brad chimed in, shaking his head.
“I don’t know. The two of them seem
very
chummy.”
Josh had been staring across the table at Paulina for a while now. Something had interested him, and I knew what it wasn’t.
“Paulina,” he said cutting in. A spark glinted behind his eyes. “Gemini, right?”
Paulina looked shocked. “How did you know?”
“Josh knows everything about astrology,” I explained. “Most of the time, he can guess someone’s sign just from listening to them talk. He’s a Gemini too, by the way.”
“Awesome.” She held out her hand and high-fived her Gemini buddy. “That’s amazing! Do Brad!”
Brad looked at me and took a long sip of his beer before turning to Josh. “Go ahead.”
“Hmm… well, you are out with us, so you’re clearly not a homebody. So that rules out the water signs. But you’re calm, confident. I think you’re…an Aries.”
Brad pursed his lips for a moment and then nodded. “Wow. This guy is good,” he said looking only at me. “Make sure he doesn’t use his powers for evil. What sign are you, Natalie?”
“LeeLee is a Virgo.”
“A Virgo, eh?” Brad echoed.
I hung my head apologetically. “I’m such a Virgo.”
“She’s a
total
Virgo.”
“Wait,” Paulina cut in. “What does that mean?”
I exchanged a glance with Josh. “By all means,” I said, gesturing for him to go ahead.
“Well, Virgos are known for thinking everything through. They’re also dependable and most of the time, perfectionists.”
I held up my hand. “Guilty.”
“LeeLee, you are like, the case-study Virgo, girl.”
“Thanks?”
Brad cut in. “So, are we all well-matched? Or is Heaven Sent headed for a meltdown because of our astrological incompatibility?”
Josh chuckled. “I won’t venture to bet until I know everyone’s rising sign.”
“Now you’re sounding like a Virgo, Josh.” I teased. Everyone laughed.
“But you know, going back to what we were talking about—I bet it’s hard working at a lingerie company.” Josh cut in. “It must be like sex is always on the brain, right?”
“I don’t know…” Paulina took a sip of her vodka soda. “Honestly, it becomes just like anything else, you know? I think your mind just gets used to it. Sometimes I feel like doing PR for cheeseburgers would be more sexy.”
“So, all these people sleeping with each other at your office— they’re just sluts then?” Josh joked. I elbowed him in the ribs. “Hey, hey, just kidding. Just kidding.” He grinned and then decided this would be a
perfect time
to bring up my love life. Or lack-thereof. “Well, just so you know, you won’t have to worry about that happening with LeeLee here.”
“Oh yeah?” Brad sat up a little straighter and looked over at me.
“Oh yeah. LeeLee never dates.”
Good thing the bar was dark, because I blushed a thousand shades of crimson.
Goddamn it Josh!
I pinched his leg, out of sight to the others. He jerked and looked over at me. I pressed my lips together and shot him a look.
“What?” he shrugged. “You don’t.”
Argh. He knew very well I couldn’t cite him as the one and only person I’d dated. So I improvised.
“I’ve dated a few people,” I said casually, shaking my head. I knew without looking at him that he was making his ‘I don’t believe that for a second’ face, so I continued. “I just didn’t
mention
them.”
“Oh,
really
!?”
“Yeah. What of it? It’s not like we were getting married or anything. Relax. Besides, how many people have
you
slept with? I
know
I don’t know the names of all of them.” I teased.
“Well, that’s true,” he said, smirking as he took a sip of beer. “But neither did I.”
~
Around eleven, we parted ways, and Josh and I ended up back at my apartment
“That’s it. I’m moving to San Francisco. I mean, hello, Natalie, even your pizza guys are hotter out here,” Josh said as he came into the living room with a large, flat box. “I’m pretty sure Marco and I just had a moment in the hall.”
“You sure he wasn’t just angling for a better tip?”
“Oh, Marco can have my
tip
any time he wants. In fact, he can have the whole thing, ‘cuz I’m generous like that.”
“Josh, seriously? Ew. I’m about to eat.”
He just laughed as we sat on the rug and opened the box.
“Speaking of ew, this side is yours, Ms. Pineapple and Anchovy,” he said, rotating the box so that the pepperoni and sausage side faced him.
“Whatever. Sweet and salty, it’s the best flavor combination.”
“I’ll tell you what else is sweet and salty,” he said with a smirk as he pulled out a slice and folded it in half.
“Goddammit Josh, don’t you dare ruin my pizza. Besides, pepperoni and sausage? That’s like, so gay-boy of you.”
He took a big bite and then continued, “Hey, whatever I’m secure in my stereotype.”
I shook my head and took a couple of bites as I leaned back against the base of the sofa.
“You know, Nat, I think this is the messiest I’ve ever seen one of your apartments.”
I eyed the two yet-to-be-unpacked boxes in my living room. It wasn’t that messy and he knew it. He was just giving me a hard time. “Yeah, yeah. Very funny Josh.”
“You know what I was thinking on the flight? Can you believe we’ve known each other for almost nine years?”
Wow. Had it already been that long? Dang. “That’s crazy,” I said, taking another bite.
“I know. You know Nat, I never did thank you for being so understanding when I came out.”
I looked over at him. Aw, Joshie was getting all sentimental on me. “Careful, don’t get too mushy Josh, my tear ducts go off at random times after last year, even if I intellectually object.”
He scooted over to me so we were sitting next to each other. “I’m serious, Nat, it meant the world to me. I know I kind of sprung that on you, and I need to thank you for not flipping out on me. Really. I mean, my own sister didn’t speak to me for two weeks, but you stuck by me. Thank you for that.”
I pondered what he was saying for a bit and even was tempted to share the effects his coming out had on me and my Plan, but I decided against it. That ship had sailed long ago, and honestly, I didn’t want anything to mar what we had now. Pure, good, friendship. With my only friend.
Ryan
I’d been holed up in my room all morning, trying to knock out a section of my thesis before my appointment with Natalie later that day. Because I knew that once I saw her again, I’d be done for the day. Apparently, each time I see her, I’m ruined. I don’t know what it is, but I just can’t concentrate on anything else. It didn’t even make sense, I mean, I barely know the girl. Why was she affecting me so strongly?
Generally it goes like this: I’m having a good day. Maybe even great. I see her, and everything is amazing until she leaves. Then it’s like I have a
hangover
or something. My mind is clouded, and I can’t quite focus. Okay, I admit, the hard-on in my pants is a big part of the distraction too. After the last time I saw her, I had to jack off twice just to relax. I hadn’t had a boner like that since I was fifteen.
I walked out of my room and silently cursed my roommate. I’d known him since college, and he wasn’t a bad guy, but he was a slob. He was always having different girls over to the apartment and his Big Move was to cook for them, which always left the kitchen a mess. Yep, he was a messy man-slut. However, the house I’d inherited from my parents was way too big for one person, and he paid the rent on time, so I put up with it. I took a frying pan off the stove and put it in the dishwasher before grabbing an apple and heading back to my room to get ready. I was too nervous to eat anything more.
I took a bite of the apple and stood in front of my closet, trying to pick out something to wear. My thoughts drifted back to Natalie and I found myself wondering what kind of man she normally went for. She was so green, so innocent. What she needed was someone to take charge and show her the ropes, but I bet she didn’t even know that was what she needed. I mean, how could she? I stuck the apple in my mouth and grabbed some clothes off the hangers. I was a selfish bastard—again and again I had an opportunity to just turn and walk away, but instead I went to the shower and prepped for our appointment.
Natalie
The work week was flying by and before I knew it, it was Friday and time for Appointment Number Two. And here I was again, in the office with Ryan. I couldn’t bring myself to look at him, and instead kept my eyes trained on my knees, wondering what today’s appointment would entail.
“So,” he began, “did you do your homework?”
I looked up. Ryan was sitting opposite me and thumbing through his notebook. The question was so casual, so nonchalant— was he seriously asking me if I’d masturbated after our last appointment? Jesus. I rubbed my forehead and contemplated my response.
“I wasn’t aware I had much choice in the matter,” I deadpanned.
Ryan didn’t look up from the notebook, choosing instead to make some notes. I tried to imagine what he could possibly be writing. Was he putting a little check plus next to masturbatory skills?
“Did you use penetration?” he asked, still writing.
My eyes widened slightly at the question. Had he just asked if I’d used a dildo? Man, he was so casual about it. “Um, no,” I said, looking everywhere but at him. What if I had said yes? Would he ask me what color?
“Clitoral stimulation?”
I tensed, remembering my little adventure after our last appointment. “Uh, yeah.” I prayed he wouldn’t ask me what I fantasized about. If he did, I would have to lie. And I wasn’t sure what to say.
“And you were able to achieve orgasm?” He looked up from his notebook for this question and right into my eyes. I was taking a break from my contacts today, and was wearing the same glasses I’d been wearing when we’d met. Maybe I’d worn them for him. I don’t know. In either case, I couldn’t handle his eye contact. I pulled off my glasses and stuck them on top of my head, causing the entire room to turn delightfully blurry. It made it much easier to talk when I couldn’t be distracted by the man across from me. As uncomfortable as he made me, he was one sexy motherfucker. That, I definitely couldn’t deny.
“Um, yes.” Achieve orgasm made it sound so technical, so textbook.
“How many times?”
“Once.”
“That’s good, Natalie. Real good.” He sounded like he was smiling, although I couldn’t really tell. He was just a blurry mass to me. “You’ve never had vaginal penetration, correct?”
Were we seriously back here again? Ugh.
Fine sexy surrogate man, I will spell it out for you.
“No. I have never had vaginal penetration.” I pursed my lips, hoping that my definitive expression would prevent him from ever asking that horrible question again.
The shapeless mass of sexiness must have taken my point, because he closed his notebook and put it down on the table. “Well, that will be the lesson for next time, but for now, we’re going to work up to it. Today we’re going to work on being naked and non-vaginal orgasms. Shall we head back to the bedroom?”
What?
Just like that? I pulled my glasses off my head and put them back on, bringing the room back into focus. I blinked a few times, trying to process what he just had said. I know last time I had been anxious to get started, but we’d also gone so slowly—it seemed like quite a jump to now say we were ready for the bedroom. And as much as I knew this was coming I couldn’t help it: I barely felt like I knew the guy.
“I like those glasses on you,” he said softly. “You’ll want to keep them on. Come on.” And with that he stood up, pulled me to my feet, and led me to the backroom.
Ryan
Natalie looked around hesitantly as I showed her the space. It wasn’t anything special, and part of me hated that I hadn’t ever done anything to spruce it up. But it wasn’t my house, it was my office, and keeping things clinical was part of the patient/surrogate strategy. There was a bed with a dark wooden headboard, fresh white sheets, and a set of pillows. No-nonsense. Utilitarian. The wooden nightstands each had a lamp, and I flicked them on before closing the doors. I showed Natalie the attached bathroom, and a wardrobe with extra towels and robes, should she need to freshen up after our work.
I eyed her carefully as I showed her around. She was clearly nervous again, but trying to project an air of confidence. I briefly entertained the idea of trying to calm her nerves with conversation, but quickly realized I had to stop thinking about her and me in any context other than our clinical work together. I had less than one more semester to go in school. After that, I’d be a licensed psychologist, and I could stop doing this work. Maybe then
we
could be something. Assuming I didn’t fuck things up in the here and now.
And assuming I survive this mind-fuck of a situation.
And of course, assuming she was interested.
I
felt
like she was interested. Her face was flushing when I asked her about masturbating. Well, okay, maybe it was the subject matter. I was walking a tightrope there, asking her those private questions. I already had the answers in my notebook in front of me, from the questionnaire she’d completed. But there was just something so erotic about seeing her squirm when I asked her to answer them again. The feeling made my cock so hard and quite frankly, it was addicting. I loved the idea of her virginal ears being marred by me and only me.
As I double-checked the doors, Natalie was fully in denial of the bed between us, choosing instead to concentrate her gaze on a landscape painting on the far wall.
“Natalie,” I started.
“This is a nice painting.”
“Thank you. It was my mothers.”
Natalie turned and tilted her head at me. “Was?”
“She passed away.” I paused, “But Natalie, we aren’t here to talk about paintings. We’re here to focus on you.”
She raised both her hands, “Sorry, sorry. No personal stuff. I forgot.” She turned back toward the bed, her arms crossed.
“Are you ready to get started? Why don’t you take off your clothes,” I said.
“All of them?” She tugged on her earlobe. I’d been noticing she did that when she was nervous. It was her ‘tell’. She’d be any easy win in a strip poker game.
My mind went fuzzy as I imagined Natalie at a poker table, naked.
“Ryan?”
Dammit. Get your mind out of the gutter, Andrews.
I shook myself back to reality. “Sorry, you can leave your panties on for now, if you want, but take your bra off. Would you rather I leave the room while you undress?”
She glanced at the door and then back at me. “Yes. Thank you.”
I nodded and went over to the small bathroom. Once inside, I started to disrobe, purposely leaving just my boxer briefs on. Our conversation had already given me a semi, and if she’d never seen a cock before, I, well, I didn’t want to
scare
the poor girl.
I leaned over the sink and stared at my reflection in the mirror, shaking my head.
You better know what you are doing, Andrews
, I said to myself. I was starting to feel a little overwhelmed by all the responsibility I felt for her. And why did I have a nagging feeling this was all going to blow up in my face?
Back in the bedroom, Natalie had arranged herself neatly under the covers. Okay, maybe
arranged
is too generous a word. It looked as though her entire body had been swallowed up by the bed, the blanket covering her all the way to her neck. She lay there, stiff as a board, her dark hair cascading around her. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why she’d want to cover up that gorgeous body of hers, but I wasn’t about to let her get away with it. I mean, it was
my job
.
My job.
Focus, Andrews. You are less than a semester from graduation. Don’t fuck this up.
“Hello,” I said as I walked over to the other side of the bed and pulled up the covers to let myself in. She let out a little gasp. Okay, maybe I pulled them back a little far, but I wanted to show her she couldn’t hide from me. Or rather, that she shouldn’t have to hide from me. I was about to see all of her and more.
Besides, she was beautiful.
Stunning, really, just like I knew she’d be. As I got in, I subtly observed that despite her attempts to cover herself, her nipples were indeed the pale, rose-colored type– a perfect match to her rose-colored mouth. God, her mouth. What I’d give to have those lips wrap around my cock. But that was definitely off the table for today. Unless…
You could work up to it, Andrews…
Annnd… my subconscious was officially a douche-bag, ladies and gentlemen.
I ran a hand over my face and looked over at her, from above the coverlet. “How are you feeling? Warm enough?”
“Yep. Fine. Good,” she said with a tight smile. She was trying. Really she was. It was sweet. I also noticed she was staring at my arms.
“The tattoos bother you?” I had full sleeves on both arms, but I hadn’t guessed Natalie would be the type to balk at them.
She shook her head. “No. They’re nice.”
“Good.” I smiled at her, trying to calm her with my eyes. “Shall we get started?”
She swallowed. “Yeah. Sure. Go ahead.”
“Okay. Good. Why don’t you slide over here to me.”
She scooted over without any hesitation. Her pale skin was so close I could feel the warmth of her body, and my dick was already growing harder. I had to control myself quickly or I’d have a full on boner. This was not an easy task. That scent was there again. She smelled so sweet, so clean. I glanced down at her under the covers. She was wearing white lace panties.
Fuck. Kill me now.
I have a thing for white lace panties. There’s just something so innocent, so virtuous about them… they just make me want to tear them off. I hadn’t pegged Natalie for a lace girl.
But my reaction was still the same. My dick went full boner.
I took a deep breath. The next hour was going to be torture.
Natalie
Wow.
Me, Natalie Reese, naked in bed with a guy. I almost couldn’t believe it.
Wow, and with a sexy guy, too. I commended myself on my decision once again. Everything was working out just as I’d hoped, and I thought myself very clever to have sought out this service. Why didn’t more people do this, I wondered absently. I mean, I’d read enough terrifying and outright horrible losing-it stories in
Cosmo
that I was sure if they could lower the price point, they’d have a successful national chain on their hands.
Virgins ‘R Us
Bed, Sex, and Beyond
V-Card Depot
I tried to stifle a giggle and it ended up sounding like a cough.
“You okay?” Ryan looked over at me with concern written on his brow.
“Sorry, yeah, fine.” I closed my eyes and inhaled. Wow, he smelled good—clean, like soap; could he tell I was tense? What was I supposed to do with my arms? My mind was racing a mile a minute, but I could barely breathe, let alone move.
Come on, I came closer to you; now what the fuck am I supposed to do?
I prayed he would give me some fucking instructions. If he thought I knew how to react to a naked man in bed with me, he was sure—
He took his hand and ran it the length of my arm, down to my hips.
Whoa.
I felt my whole body tingle.