All I was trying to do was fulfill my responsibility. You wouldn’t deny me, would you?
I could only imagine how good it felt as the warmth spread throughout his body, from the ends of his toes to the top of his head. Isolde was beguiling Hayden. Using her seductive abilities to lure him in.
“Hayden.” I kept my voice low. “Back away from her. She’s…she’s…”
“Ticking me off.” Evey used her pitching arm to reach around Hayden and shove Isolde. “Back off!”
Hayden shook his head and jerked away from Isolde’s touch. “Get away from me.”
“You need to go now, Isolde.” I took hold of Evey’s arm and pulled her back. “You’re as unwanted here as you are in your clan.”
The muscles in her face stiffened, and she clenched her jaw.
You would understand being unwanted, wouldn’t you? Nobody on the surface wants a woman with a broken body. Isn’t that why Ian rejected you? Isn’t that why you were so miserable before Saxon came along?
I ground my molars together. “You know nothing about me.”
Oh, but I do.
She shifted her body so that she was facing me head on.
Saxon and I used to come to the surface in this bay all the time. I saw you. You would sit on the dock, all forlorn and lost. Crying because you were only half the girl you were before that chair and because nobody would love you like that.
She gestured to my chair, to the wheels that served as my legs
.
I pointed toward the water with a trembling hand. I could feel Evey and Hayden’s eyes on the side of my face. “Get out of here. Your words mean nothing to me. In case you forgot, Saxon loves me.”
A muscle below her left eye twitched, so I knew I’d gotten to her.
There was a pause. I wished Isolde wasn’t evil. I wished she was as kind and thoughtful and loving as Saxon was, so I could ask her whether or not he’d gone before the Council yet. But if I asked Isolde now and showed her anything beside the false confidence I was trying so hard to exude, she would take that weakness and use it against me. I prayed she couldn’t see through my façade.
Yes, he does love you. But alas, he’ll be put to death tomorrow.
“What?” Hayden and Ev both blurted at the same time.
I gulped, the inside of my throat tasting like sand. “E-excuse me?”
She had the upper hand again, and she knew it. She sauntered backwards toward the lake, the tall grass and fern swallowing her lower legs.
You’re little forbidden love has damned Saxon to death. He went before the Council today, and they refused his offer. He’ll be sacrificed to the Mere Monstrom tomorrow night. I actually owe you both a debt of gratitude. Because of you, I’ll be allowed to live. Instead of eliminating me for the Ian debacle, they’re choosing to focus on Saxon’s mistake.
The trees, the brush, the grass…all blurred into a mash of green and brown around me, and all I could focus on was Isolde’s mouth, peeled back into its smirk as she spoke. When I opened my mouth, my voice cracked. “But you murdered a human who refuses to make the connection with you. You’re a liability to the clan. Saxon can contribute! Why aren’t they putting
you
to death!?”
Because Saxon broke our most absolute law. He made the connection with you, before drowning and altering you. Now humans know about Mer, and my clan is scared. There is talk of an uproar, of fleeing Pend Oreille. The Council doesn’t want to put two Mer to death and risk losing the clan’s trust now when they’re on the verge of rebellion. Saxon will be used as an example, used to appease the Mere Monstrom, and to teach my clan what can happen when we don’t fulfill our responsibilities.
“I need to see him.” Surprising myself, I rolled forward and reached for Isolde’s hand. She withdrew into the trees even more. “Please. Please help him escape. Please, he’s your oldest friend.”
How stupid do you think I am?
She raised her eyebrows high on her forehead.
If I help Saxon escape, they’ll put
me
to death.
“Then let him escape long enough to come say goodbye!” I was screaming at her now. I leaned forward in my seat, both hands clawing the leather I was resting on. “Please. You can watch him the entire time so he can’t run! Just let me say goodbye to him. Please!”
Keeling over, I wrapped my arms around myself and pressed my forehead against my knees. It felt as if I’d been punched repeatedly in the gut, and my insides were dislodged and dislocated. I was dying. I heard Evey say my name, her hands rubbing patterns up and down my back while I wept, but couldn’t make out the other words she was saying. None of it mattered.
Isolde watched me cry for a few beats. It wasn’t until she spoke again that I looked up through my reddened eyes and saw her at the bottom of the hill, looking up at me with the clearest expression of sympathy I’d ever seen. It startled me, having not ever seen anything but anger and malice contorting her face. But now her eyes liquefied, and the corners of her mouth pulled downward into a perfect upside down
U
. When she spoke, her whisper filled my head and rang in my ears, even though it was the quietest sound I’d ever heard.
I’ll see what I can do.
Chapter Twenty-Three
My mother folded her arms across her chest and stared down at me. There was a line running from one end of her forehead to the other. “Luna, what is going on with you?”
I looked back out over the lake. It was unusually calm and glass-like, and it made me wonder what horrific activity lurked under the surface of that crystalline water. “Nothing.”
“You were up all night, and your face is splotchy.” She shuffled her feet on the wooden planks of the dock. “Your eyes are so swollen, they barely open.”
“So?” I could feel the old, sullen Luna returning. Unfortunately, annoying my mom didn’t give me quite the satisfaction it had a few short months ago. I guess that was what growing up a bit and falling in love did to a person. Guilt pressed down on my brain, a headache flaring just behind my puffy eyes. I glanced up at my mom, but only for a second. “I’m
fine
, Mom. OK?”
She set down her purse and shopping bags, then knelt down next to my chair. My mom put her hand out to cover mine, then drew it back and tucked it under her chin. “What happened? Did you and Saxon have a fight?”
I bit the inside of my cheek and shook my head. After waiting for Saxon until four o’clock that morning, I’d cried myself to sleep, then spent the next few hours with grotesque nightmares. Both of my parents had asked me, repeatedly, to tell them why I was weepy and inconsolable, but I’d retreated back into my old patterns. I withdrew myself from my family, hiding in my bedroom where I sat parked in front of the window, watching the dock for some sign—
any
sign—that Saxon was alive.
The gravity of what I’d done pressed down on me so hard, I could scarcely draw breath anymore. It took every ounce of effort just to keep my heart beating inside of my chest, and I honestly wasn’t sure if I could manage to do that for much longer. Because of our relationship, Saxon would be eaten by a sea monster in front of his entire clan. It wasn’t as if I could fall into my mother’s arms and cry to her about the injustice of it all. This wasn’t your typical teenage breakup. I hadn’t been dumped for the redheaded cheerleader this time.
“We didn’t have a fight.” I tasted blood in my mouth and loosened my bite.
My mom deepened her frown. “Then what’s wrong? Why are you so upset?”
When I opened my mouth to respond, a choking sound escaped. My mom brought her fisted hand out from under her chin and covered mine. There was a familiarity in her touch that made my heart squeeze. I’d missed my mom’s affection. We’d both pulled away from each other so much since the accident that I’d almost forgotten how good it felt to be comforted by her.
“Oh, honey, come here.” Sitting up on her knees, she wrapped me in her arms, and cradled the back of my head. “Did you break up?”
I could smell my mother’s shampoo. She’d been using the same brand since I was in grade school, and now the aroma of oats and honey comforted me as my stomach clenched. “No…yes…I mean, I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?” She stroked my hair.
Squeezing my eyes shut, a couple more tears were sent rolling down my cheeks into the fabric of her T-shirt. I couldn’t tell my mom Saxon was going to die, or already had, and that it was all my fault.
For a few hours after our exchange with Isolde the afternoon before, I’d actually thought she would bring Saxon back to me. But once darkness settled over our corner of northern Idaho, Hayden was forced to leave our waterside vigil to return to his very angry parents. My parents turned off all of the lights and went to bed…it became clear that Isolde had opted out of her promise.
“He’s just gone.” My words were garbled. “I…I don’t know where he is, but he’s not coming back.”
“How do you know that?” My mom pet the back of my messy head of hair. “You’re supposed to go to the prom tonight. Why would he leave town on prom night?”
I made a snorting sound. For the first time in my life, I understood why my parents were always telling me that my high school life would be but a small moment. They were so right, it made my stomach turn. There was so much more to life than proms and dresses and who asked whom. The world was so much bigger than Sandpoint, Idaho. It spread across millions upon millions of miles and included creatures and species that no scientist or scholar had ever seen. This realization made me feel very, very small. And even more insignificant.
I pulled away from my mom’s shoulder. “I don’t think he cares about the prom right now. I know I don’t.” Looking away from my mom’s worried face, I scanned the water of Moon’s Bay again. “I guess that probably makes you happy. You didn’t want me to go anyway.”
My mom took her time drawing in a long breath, then released it slowly. “Your dad and I are protective of you.”
“You don’t say.” I winced. Sometimes it was entirely too easy to keep my inner snotty teenager at bay.
Her green eyes flashed. “We’re overprotective of you because we failed once and almost lost you.”
I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to have this argument. Again. “Mom, I—”
“If I’d stopped arguing with you for thirty seconds and reminded you to buckle your seatbelt, you probably wouldn’t be in that chair.” The sunlight caught on the tears in her eyes and I froze in place. My mom was always so tough. “If your dad hadn’t picked that fight with you at the truck stop about how short your cutoffs were, you probably wouldn’t have been so mad when you got into the car. You might have buckled up if you’d not been so ticked off when we pulled back onto the freeway.”
“I already told you.” I pointed at my chest. “I didn’t buckle my seatbelt. I did this, not you.”
She pressed her fingers to her lips. “I know you think I treat you like a baby, but I don’t mean to. I just don’t want anything bad to happen to you. I couldn’t live with myself if something awful happened. Again.”
It was my turn to reach for
her
hand. “Nothing bad is going to happen to me. Especially now.”
She leaned against my shoulder. “What does that mean?”
I released her and smiled falsely. “Because I’m not going tonight. So all is well. I’ll be safe.”
“Yes, you are.” She pressed her lips together and stood back up. “You’ve got to keep an eye on your sister. This is her first date.”
“Wait.” I shook my head. “You said
she
was going to keep an eye on
me
.”
My mom’s bony shoulders rose and fell. “I guess I’ve changed my mind.”
“You never change your mind about anything.” My eyes were drawn back to the lake, and I examined the surface for a sign of something…anything. But there was nothing but water.
“I’m sorry,” my mom said. “I’ve been suffocating you, and I can see now that you’re an adult. You’re absolutely capable of taking care of yourself.”
I dabbed at my eyes, mascara soaking the sleeve of my sweatshirt. My mom was nuts. She chose
now
to have some sort of ABC Family bonding moment about my ability to look out for myself? While I was sitting here fighting the urge to roll my chair off of the end of the dock?
She touched the top of my hair, stroking her fingers down the length of my long bangs. “This was a long time coming. I’m…I’m sorry. And I trust you now.”
I didn’t dare bat an eye or move even a centimeter. I’d been waiting for my mother’s trust for so long, it felt like I was dreaming. Maybe the last few months had been a long, drawn-out, bad dream filled with love, kisses in the woods, mythological beings, water—
lots
of water—and danger…
“Listen, I got you something.” My mom bent down and scooped up her shopping bag. “It’s for tonight.”
My stomach seized. “I told you I’m not going.”
“You can’t stay at home just because your boyfriend doesn’t want to take you anymore.”
I covered my face when my eyes filled again. “Mom, I can’t…it isn’t that he doesn’t want to, he…he…”
She pulled a dress out of the bag and held it up. “Look at this dress. I saw it in the window of Meredith’s.”
I sucked in a sharp breath. Meredith’s was the premier secondhand boutique in downtown Sandpoint that all of the high school kids frequented for vintage chic outfits. “I used to shop there all the time. Before.”
“I know.” My mom smiled, her eyes twinkling. “I had hoped you’d consider this dress a peace offering.”
It was gorgeous. Deliciously retro and had the perfect A-line skirt to cover up my wimpy legs, without being bulky and dragging under my wheels. It was made out of a nude taffeta, with a black lace overlay, and capped sleeves. I loved it.
“Mom, it’s gorgeous.” I reached out to touch the starched lace. “What about Evey?”
“Evey’s going to wear the dress you wore to prom your sophomore year. She can have a new dress for her senior prom. This time it’s your turn.”
“I don’t know what to say.” Emotion tickled the inside of my nose, threatening to make me cry.
Again
.
“It will look great, especially since you insist on wearing your hair black.” My mom flared her nostrils at my messy hair.
Oh, well. You could take the mom out of the crank, but not the crank out of the mom. At least we’d come to
some
sort of peace. “I…thank you.” I smiled up at her and felt my eyes leaking again. “But I told you. I’m not going.”
My mom rested the dress on the length of my body. It almost looked as though I were wearing it. I almost didn’t mind the fact that it was surrounded by the metal, leather, and rubber of my chair.
Almost
being the operative word.
Her tone was kind. “Even if you don’t have a date, you are wearing this dress, and you are going to have fun with your sister, Hayden, and all your friends. You deserve it. And I won’t take no for an answer.”
Looking down at the fabric, my resolve started to crumble. Saxon had only ever seen me in jeans, leggings, and hoodies. It would have been amazing actually to show him that I could clean up nicely. And to see him in a suit…I squeezed my eyes shut at the imaginary image. The clenching sensation in my gut started up again, and I hunched over in my seat.
“You have to keep living.” She touched my shoulder. “He’s just a boy. There will be others.”
It was impossible to explain to my mother that there would be no other boys. Even if there were…five, ten, fifteen years down the road…there would never be another
Saxon
. We were a key and a lock, a perfect fit. This I knew for certain and with absolute surety. I looked at Pend Oreille again, and the surface of the water remained blank.
Maybe if I went and showed my parents I was OK—despite the fact that on the inside I was crumbling into pieces—my parents would give me a little bit of freedom. Freedom to be alone once in a while. Freedom to mourn Saxon the way I
needed
to.
“OK.” My voice was hoarse. “I…I’ll go.”
* * *
“Ev, you’re gorgeous.” I rolled away from my sister a few feet so that I could look at her from head to toe.
My kid sister was a hottie hiding beneath glasses and an extensive T-shirt collection. Her blonde hair was hanging down her shoulders in loose waves, then pinned back with an ornate hair barrette covered in rhinestones. She’d filled out my short red dress like a pro. And after arguing with me for a half an hour, she finally allowed me to put some mascara and blush on her face. When she joined the rest of the family in the living room, I realized that my sister kind of resembled a Barbie doll.
Well, maybe not a Barbie.
Yet
. More like a really fine Skipper doll.
My dad rubbed his eyes tiredly. “I’m going to get my gun.” His first words of the night. He’d been glowering in the corner for hours while my mother hovered around us in a fog of hairspray and perfume.
“Stop it.” My mom said sharply. “She looks darling.”
“I’m gonna puke.” Declan barely looked up from his place in front of the television.
“Shut up,” Evey hissed, her cheeks pinking.
“I don’t think
darling
is what she’s going for.” I caught a glimpse of my hair in the glass doors on my mother’s china hutch and tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear. My eyes were still puffy, but I’d managed to cover most of the redness with foundation. That was as good as it was gonna get for me. “I think
smoking hot
is what she’d like to convey.”
My father sat up straight on the couch. “Excuse me?”
“Am not.” Evey shot me a glare, then turned to our dad. “She was kidding.”
“No, she’s not,” Declan declared smartly. “Evey’s got a boyfriend, Dad. Just like Luna.”
A pain shot straight into my heart, and I had to press my lips together to keep from crying out. Evey stepped between me and the rest of the family. “He’s not my boyfriend. We’re just friends.”
“Listen,” Mom said, fiddling with her wedding ring. “We’ve discussed it and decided that your curfew for tonight is midnight.”
Evey nodded like the obedient child she was, and after a few beats, I did, too. If I hadn’t been sinking into the depths of despair, I would have pointed out that midnight was entirely too early for an eighteen-year-old to have to come home on
prom night
, but because I didn’t really want to be going anyway, I decided to keep my thoughts to myself.
My father stroked a hand down his trimmed goatee. “Your mother and I are going to take you to breakfast in the morning. We’ve got…” He paused and glanced at my mother, who remained unmoving. “Something to discuss with all of you.”
It was time for the divorce conversation. You know, the whole “Mommy and Daddy still love you, and we promise this isn’t your fault” conversation. I was too close to falling apart to share my initial thought, which was,
Yeah, freakin’, right.
Instead, I rubbed my fingertips on my temples. I couldn’t shed another tear in front of my parents or they were going to throw me in a psych ward, stat.
Sensing my discomfort, my mom hopped up from her perch on the arm of the couch. “Luna, you’re looking gorgeous too.”
I swallowed what felt like a ball of broken, sharp toothpicks clumped in my throat and forced a smile. “Thanks. I took out the nose ring. Thought you’d appreciate that.”
“I do.” She smoothed down the front hem of my dress hanging over my ankles, and beamed at me. “That dress is perfect for you.”