That Was Then... (3 page)

Well, that seems to end our conversation, which is a good thing since it’s getting pretty hot in the Jeep now. So I start up the engine and drive us home in a silence so thick I can feel it pressing against me.

“Thanks for the ride,” she says in a stiff voice as I stop in front of her house.

“No problem.” Then I drive a couple houses down to my house, get out of my Jeep, and now
I
slam the door. Poor Daisy.

There’s a message from Caitlin on our answering machine. She’s helping me plan Nat’s bridal shower, which is supposed to be at my house, but at the moment I’m not feeling too enthusiastic about it. Even so, I call Caitlin back. And I guess she senses that all’s not well by the edgy tone of my voice.

“I’m sorry, but I just dropped Nat at home and she’s making me crazy.”

“What’s up?”

Since Caitlin and I have already discussed this, and since she’s Ben’s sister and has promised me confidentiality, I feel fairly safe telling her. Without going into all the gory details, I admit that I still think this marriage is a great big mistake. I also tell her how I probably offended Nat by bringing up the adoption option again. “I really blew it.”

“You shouldn’t feel sorry about that,” Caitlin says. “And Nat should respect your advice.”

“I’m worried about her,” I finally say. “The scariest part of this whole thing is the way she believes that if they get married—or as she says, ‘do the right thing’— they’ll automatically be blessed and live happily ever after. Like God is going to miraculously make everything wonderful. But I think it’s going to be hard. Really hard. Their chances of making a marriage work are pretty slim. And if it doesn’t work…well, where does that leave Nat? She’ll be stuck with a baby and nothing more than a high school diploma. Where do you go from there?”

“I know…”

“You do?”

“I’ve got an idea, Kim.”

“What?”

“Oh, it might be crazy. But it just might be a good wake-up call for Nat too.”

Then she tells me about one of her high school friends and how this girl got married when she was just a little older than Nat and under some very similar circumstances.

“That first year was really hard on Anna and Joel,” she continues. “And they’ve struggled ever since. They just had their second baby in June, and shortly after that, well, Joel decided to call it quits. He left Anna a couple months ago. According to Anna, it’s hopeless. She sounds fairly certain that they’ll be divorced before Christmas.”

“That’s too bad.”

“I know. It’s really sad. And Anna’s so sweet and so smart. But she’s so stuck too. She never finished college either. She worked to support them while Joel finished up and finally graduated. Anna’s working at a restaurant now.”

“So what’s your idea?”

“Anna just moved back to town last month, and I thought maybe we could take Nat to visit her. Let Nat see for herself how something like this can turn out.”

“Do you really think it’ll work?” Okay, I’m thinking this sounds like a good plan, but how will we get Nat to go along with it? Won’t she know that it’s a setup from the get-go?

“This is how we’ll present it. I’ll tell Natalie that Anna’s a young mom too, that she’s just moved back to town and doesn’t really know any other young moms around here, and that I want to introduce them. I’ll also ask Nat to encourage Anna to come back to church. She used to go to Faith Fellowship, but now she doesn’t go anywhere. She says she’s too busy.”

“That’ll be perfect,” I say. “Give Nat a mission to get Anna to church, and she’ll be all over it.”

“Okay. Maybe we can even pull this off tomorrow. I’ll give Anna a call tonight and see how her schedule looks.”

“Great. Let me know.”

“And how about I just e-mail you the list of names and phone numbers of the ladies for the shower,” Caitlin
says finally. “You’ll want to call them ASAP if we’re going to do the shower by next weekend.”

“Maybe things will change by then. Maybe we won’t need a bridal shower after all.”

“Better be prepared just in case,” she warns me.

Even so, I decide that I also better keep the receipts for anything I get for the shower (other than perishable items, and I’ll wait until the last minute to get those anyway) so that if Natalie should come to her senses, I’ll be ready to return everything. A girl can hope. I’ve already saved the receipt from my dress, and as much as I hate returning anything, I’d happily become the Queen of Returns if it meant Natalie avoided making what I think will be
the
biggest mistake of her life. Okay, maybe the second biggest mistake.

Caitlin, Nat, and I went to visit Anna after church today. And it was pretty strange. At one point, I wished I’d bowed out of this weird little scheme altogether. But on the other hand, I guess I was glad to see what Anna’s life is really like. Not that I’m planning on getting married and having kids anytime soon, but just as a point of reference.

Anna was really nice. And I could tell she was hurting. But it was sweet of her to let us into her world. I suspect that Caitlin had explained the circumstances beforehand. Even so, I’m not sure I could’ve been as transparent as Anna was. If I were in her shoes, I mean.

She and her mom (who, according to Caitlin, is actually her grandmother) share this tiny apartment that’s not in a very nice part of town. And although Anna knew
we were coming, it didn’t look like much effort had gone into straightening things up. But then her kids are pretty small and into everything, and I suppose she was tired from work. Or maybe she just wanted to shock Natalie. Not a bad idea, really.

“Come in,” she tells us as she opens the door. She’s holding a baby who’s crying, and a toddler is clinging to her leg. “This is Hannah.” She nods down at the little girl with the same mocha-colored skin as her mother. She leads us through the cramped and cluttered space. “And this is Ruthie.” She holds the fussing baby out for us to see.

“Oh! She is so sweet. May I hold her?”

Anna smiles at Caitlin and hands the baby over. “Most definitely.”

Then Caitlin introduces us to Anna. “Like I said on the phone, Natalie’s going to be my new sister-in-law, and her baby is due in January. Kim is her best friend.”

“Sit down.” Anna removes a laundry basket and some toys from the couch. “I would’ve cleaned up, but I worked the late shift last night, and then Ruthie was fussy all night, and well…”

“Don’t apologize,” Caitlin says.

“Yeah,” I agree. “It looks like you have your hands full.”

She nods. “My mom and I both work. We alternate our shifts so we can take turns watching the girls.”

“That must be hard.” Caitlin gently jiggles Ruthie, soothing her fussiness as if she really knows how to do
this. And then I remember that she has worked at an orphanage in Mexico. I guess that gave her some experience.

“Not as hard as when I had to do it on my own,” Anna admits. Hannah has crawled into her mom’s lap now, snuggling up as if to show us that she belongs there. It’s really kind of sweet. “When Joel was in school and I was working, I had to do pretty much everything myself.”

“Joel didn’t help?” Caitlin asks.

Anna just laughs, but there’s a bitter edge to it. “Unfortunately for me, Joel’s one of those old-school guys—thinking the little woman should take care of the kids, the house, all that sort of thing.”

Caitlin shakes her head. “Too bad.”

Now I notice how Nat’s not saying anything. In fact, she looks a bit like that proverbial deer in the headlights. Does she see her life flashing before her eyes?

“What are your plans?” Caitlin asks. “I mean, like going back to school?”

Anna laughs again, but again there’s a cynical sound to it, and it seems to fight against her sweet-looking face and her kind eyes. “Yeah, right.”

“You could probably get an academic scholarship,” Caitlin says. “You were always so smart, Anna. You had a scholarship before.”

“Before…” she sighs. “Before Hannah and Ruthie came along.”

“But even the community college,” Caitlin continues,
“has a childcare program and everything.”

“Do you know how long that waiting list is?” Anna rolls her dark eyes.

“But you could at least get on it.”

Anna seems to consider this. “Yeah…I guess I could.”

“It’d be worth it, Anna,” Caitlin says with emphasis. “In the long run.”

Anna nods. “I know you’re right, Caitlin. It’s just so hard to see beyond the daily grind right now. I mean, if you knew what my schedule was like…” Then she proceeds to tell us how she goes to work, comes home exhausted, tries to catch up on laundry and household chores, sleeps…and then nurses the baby, changes diapers, cleans up messes, deals with Hannah.

“I thought the terrible twos were bad,” she tells us. “Now we’re in the fearsome fours.” But she smiles as she says this, taking a moment to stroke Hannah’s curly hair. “Not that I’d trade her for anything.” Hannah looks up. “You’re Mommy’s helper, aren’t you?”

Hannah nods and smiles.

“How old is your baby?” asks Nat, the first words she’s spoken since we got there.

“Almost three months.” Anna sighs. “Hopefully she’ll be out of the colicky stage soon.”

“What’s that?” asks Nat.

“Colic?” Anna looks at Nat with raised brows, then kind of laughs. “I guess that’s a good question since
most experts don’t exactly agree on its cause or its treatment. Let’s just say it has something to do with digestion, and most babies have it at least for a while. You’ll find out about it for yourself soon enough.”

Nat looks terrified as Anna continues.

“The main problem with colic is that it involves a lot of crying that’s hard to stop. It can get really frustrating. Although Hannah had it worse than Ruthie. But then I found this great book with some ideas that actually seem to work. The doctor calls them the five S’s.”

“What’s that?” Nat asks.

“Swaddling, swinging, shushing, sucking…” Anna frowns. “I keep forgetting the fifth one.”

Nat looks thoroughly confused now. Almost as if Anna is speaking a foreign language. Maybe she is—motherese.

“Don’t worry,” Anna assures her. “It’ll start to make sense once the little one arrives. Do you know what you’re having?”

Nat blinks, then seems to recover. “Oh, you mean whether it’s a boy or girl? No, we decided we want to wait to find out.”

“And how is Ben doing with all this?” Anna asks.

“He wants to do the right thing,” Natalie says in a crisp voice. “He wants to be a good father to his baby.”

Anna looks skeptical.

“It’s not easy for him,” Caitlin adds. “But he’s really trying to do what he believes God is calling him to do. He wants to be responsible.”

The conversation switches from Ben back to babies. Anna tries to get Nat to talk about ways she’s getting ready to be a mother, but Nat is being pretty resistant, almost as if she doesn’t really believe that she will eventually have a baby in her arms. Sad as this sounds, it gives me hope.

Then the baby starts to really fuss, and Anna announces that it’s feeding time. Taking the baby from Caitlin, she pulls up her T-shirt and starts breast-feeding Ruthie right in front of us. Now, okay, I know this a natural thing and probably very good for babies, but I’m thinking “Eew!” and I have to look away. I am relieved to see that Nat is uncomfortable too. Caitlin is the only one who continues chatting with Anna as if this is no big deal. And maybe it’s not. But it’s not exactly in my comfort zone either.

Finally Ruthie’s done with both sides, and now Hannah is starting to act up. “I think it’s nap time,” Anna tells us.

“We’ll get out of your hair,” Caitlin says, standing. “But hopefully you and Nat can stay in touch, and if Nat has questions, maybe she can come to you?”

“And I can loan you that book,” Anna tells Nat. “And if you have a girl, I can give you lots of clothes. Joel’s mom is a shopping freak. She keeps the girls looking good in little OshKoshes and all sorts of things.”

“Yeah,” says Nat. “That’d be great.”

“And maybe we’ll see you at church?” Caitlin asks hopefully.

“Maybe when life settles down a little.” Anna nods. “I know it would be good to get back into it. And I know the girls would be better off growing up in a church.” She looks at Caitlin with tears in her eyes. “I just thought it was going to be different than this.”

Caitlin reaches out and hugs her old friend. “You’re going to be fine, Anna. But this is a time when you need the strength of a church behind you. And like I said, Josh and I really want to have you and the girls over for a meal, when you’re ready.”

Anna nods again. “Yeah, I know. It’s just that the adjustment and everything…well, it’s just been a lot harder than I expected.”

“You have friends, Anna,” Caitlin tells her. “Friends who are ready to help.”

Anna smiles now. “Thanks.”

After we go, Natalie is pretty quiet. I’m sure this has given her plenty to think about.

“I like Anna,” I say as Caitlin drives us back to where I left my Jeep at the church parking lot. “She seems really nice.”