That Was Then... (4 page)

“She is,” Caitlin agrees. “But she’s not really up to her usual spunky self. I’m sure it’s pretty tiring doing all that she has to do.”

“I can’t even imagine,” I say. “When she talked about getting woken up in the middle of the night? Man, I would not be good at that.”

Caitlin laughs. “I guess it’s something moms just have to get used to.”

“I know what you guys are doing,” Natalie says suddenly.

“What?” Caitlin glances over at her.

“Trying to scare me.”

“No…” Caitlin says in a kind voice. “But it’s true that I wanted you to see what it’s like being a young mom. And that it can be hard.”

“But I won’t be single like Anna,” Nat tosses back.

“I hope not,” Caitlin tells her. “But there are no guaranties. Anna didn’t think she’d be single either. It came as a shock to everyone. I mean, it’s like they’d gotten through the hardest part—Joel had graduated from college. Life should’ve been getting better. And then he just left.”

“I wonder why,” I say.

“Josh thinks it’s because they got married so young, had kids too soon. He’s talked to Joel about it a couple of times, and although Joel feels bad and says that he’ll pay child support, he also is tired of being a husband and a dad.”

“He probably has a girlfriend,” Natalie throws in.

“That’s what I thought too,” Caitlin says. “But Anna said he doesn’t. And when Josh asked Joel, he denied it too.”

“Well, maybe they’ll get back together,” says Nat.

“That’s what we’re hoping. Josh is trying to talk Joel into getting counseling.”

By the time we’re back at the church, I’m not sure if Caitlin has gotten through to Nat or not. And when Nat
and I are in my Jeep, I think the whole thing might’ve been for nothing.

“It’s going to be different with Ben and me,” she says as she buckles the seat belt over her thicker-than-usual waist.

“What makes you so sure?” I ask.

“It’s just a God-thing,” she says.

I don’t remind her that Anna and Joel are Christians too. That they thought things were going to go better for them. What’s the use, I wonder as I drive us home. In the end, Nat will do what Nat wants and say that it’s God’s will. Okay, I know that’s kind of harsh and judgmental on my part, but I’m beginning to think that’s how it is. Even so, I will continue praying for my friend. And I will continue getting ready for her bridal shower.

If I never give another bridal shower in my entire life, it will be way too soon. And if Nat thinks I’m going to give her a baby shower, well, she can think again!

Thank goodness for Caitlin today. I would’ve been lost without her. She managed to keep things light and happy, acting like it was perfectly normal for two seventeen-year-olds to get married and set up house. Speaking of setting up house, it turns out that Ben and Nat will not be house-sitting for Josh’s parents’ friends. When the older couple heard there was a baby involved, they backed out.

“Did you see all the cool stuff I got?” Natalie asks as I help her carry things over to her house.

“Yeah,” I say in a flat-sounding voice.

“You were back in the kitchen so much, I wasn’t sure.”

“There was a lot to do,” I say. “And Caitlin was doing a great job of keeping things going with the ladies.”

“Caitlin is such a natural hostess,” Nat says as she opens the door to her house. “I’m so lucky that she’s going to be my sister-in-law.” She laughs. “I guess I should say ‘blessed’ since luck really has nothing to do with it.”

Unless you mean bad luck, I’m thinking.

“Is that the last of it?” Mrs. McCabe asks as we haul the stuff into the dining room.

“I think so,” I tell her. “If I see anything we missed, I’ll bring it over.”

“Thank you for doing this for Natalie,” Mrs. McCabe tells me in a rather automated sounding voice. It’s pretty much the tone she’s been using about anything to do with Nat or the wedding or the baby. It’s like she’s holding everything in, and I don’t think I’d like to be around when she finally lets it all out.

“No problem,” I tell her.

“Yes, thanks!” Nat throws her arms around me in a hug. “You’re the best friend ever.”

I’m tempted to point out that I’m really rotten underneath and that I have very little hope for the upcoming marriage of Nat and Ben, but what would be
the point? “Well, I’d better get back and clean things up before my dad comes home.”

Nat lets out a big yawn. “And I think I’ll take a nap. All this excitement has worn me out.”

Mrs. McCabe just frowns. And I make a hasty exit.

The house is quiet when I get home. And for a change, it feels welcome. All the voices and the women and the presents…well, it just felt so wrong. And I’m glad it’s over. I get a garbage bag and go around gathering up paper plates and cups and napkins—all in the fall colors Natalie requested, but looking more like wilted leaves now. I put the furniture back into their regular places, give the kitchen a quick wipe down, and am just heading to my room when my dad gets home.

“Safe to come in?” he asks.

“The women have all gone home.”

He smiles and gives me a hug. “How did it go?”

I offer him a piece of leftover cake and then proceed to tell him how it really went. No smoothing, glossing, pretending. And by the time I finish, he’s laughing.

“Poor Kimmy.”

I nod, appreciating his pity. “And next week is the wedding!”

“Good cake,” he says as he hands me his empty plate.

“Do you think I’ll ever have a normal life again?”

He considers this. “Is there really such a thing?”

“Things used to feel normal,” I remind him. “When
Mom was here, back before Natalie got pregnant. Life was pretty calm and peaceful.”

“Yes. Maybe we took it for granted.”

I sigh. “Like you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone…”

He nods. “I hate to break up our little party, but unless you need anything, I’ve got some work to finish up.”

“You and me both,” I say. But as I go to my room, I’m still thinking about what he said. Maybe we did take “normal” for granted. Maybe we all do.

Wow, this is a heartbreaker. I ask God to help me with it.

As usual, I gave Nat a ride home today. I suppose Ben would do this, but he got a full-time job last week. He cut back on his class load. Not so much that it will jeopardize his diploma, but just enough that he can work the swing shift at his dad’s office building—forty hours a week. Not in advertising like Mr. O’Conner, but as a maintenance man who scrubs toilets and mops floors.

Nat says he has to wear these gray striped coveralls and weird shoes, but she thinks he looks cute in this new uniform. Just the same, I’m guessing it’s a little humiliating for someone like Ben O’Conner. Not exactly like wearing your football jersey on game days, like today. Maybe Ben was relieved not to be at school all day. It must be hard seeing his jock friends doing their
regular thing while he’s stepping into a whole different life.

“Ben doesn’t have to work tonight,” Nat tells me when I pull in front of her house.

“Big bachelor party?” I ask in a somewhat sarcastic tone.

“No, but Cesar is getting some of the guys from church together,” she says with slight exasperation, which I’m sure is meant for me. “No strippers or girls popping out of cakes.”

“That’s good to know.”

“But what about me?” she says.

“What about you?” I toss back.

“Well, you’re my maid of honor…seems like you should do something special for me.”

I let out an involuntary groan.

“Kim Peterson!” She’s frowning now. “You don’t have to be such a wet blanket.”

“Well…” I begin, “I did just give you a bridal shower last week.”

She softens a little. “I know and that was nice. But this is my last night being a single girl, and besides we don’t even have a rehearsal or a rehearsal dinner or anything tonight.”

I control myself from rolling my eyes or saying something really regrettable. Like, what does she expect? It’s not like you can blame her mom for putting some stops on this comedy of errors. Nat already admitted that, even without the frills, it’s costing too much.

“So?” I ask, knowing how stubborn Nat can be. “I’m not exactly experienced at this kind of thing. What would you suggest?”

“I don’t know…”

“Pizza and videos?”

She kind of shrugs.

“Look, Nat…” I hear the edge in my voice now. “This isn’t exactly your normal kind of wedding situation, you know? Do you want me to call a bunch of girls from high school and invite them to come over and party?”

She sadly shakes her head. “Pizza and videos will be fine.”

Now I feel guilty. “I’ll get some ice cream too. And you can spend the night if you want.”

She brightens now. “Okay, this is sounding better and better.”

“Around sixish?”

“I’ll be there. Maybe we can do pedicures and facials and stuff. Get all prettied up for the wedding.”

I force what I hope looks like a genuine smile. “Sounds great!”

I do my part, foraging through the video store for Nat’s favorite old movies and then over to Safeway in search of her favorite cookies ’n’ cream ice cream, finally swinging by Pizza Hut to pick up our order. By the time I get home, Nat is already there. And I can tell by my dad’s expression that he’s relieved to see me.

“There she is now,” he says in an overly jovial voice. “I told you she wouldn’t be long. You know how
punctual our Kimmy is.” He winks at me. “Now if you ladies will excuse me.”

“You mean you don’t want to stick around for a pedicure?” I tease as I set the pizza box on the counter.

“No, but I might sneak a piece of this…” He peeks in the box.

“There’s plenty,” I say as I put the ice cream in the freezer. “It’s a giant.”

“Ooh, you got my favorite.” Nat snags a piece.

“Nothing but the best for the bride-to-be,” I say, trying to keep my voice light. I’ve been reminding myself of how cheerful Caitlin was at the shower last week. And really, what can it hurt to put on a happy face?

Now it’s midnight, and after pizza, ice cream, movies, facials, pedicures, manicures, even some eyebrow plucking, Natalie, “the bride-to-be,” has finally dozed off, and I’m sitting here in front of my computer trying to make some sense of my life. But it seems I can’t.

Okay, there’s one thing I learned tonight. I think Caitlin is on to something. Here’s the deal. I had what I thought could be an excruciatingly painful evening to get through, and I could’ve done it in my usual complaining sort of way. But following Caitlin’s example, I decided to take the “high road.” I did an attitude adjustment, put on a smile, and guess what? It wasn’t so bad. In fact, it was actually sort of fun.

And—I reminded myself—after tonight, Nat will be a married woman, and we won’t really be having times like this anymore. Okay, as weird as that sounded at
first, after it sunk in, it really made me kind of sad. Now, as Nat is snoozing, I’m thinking about how I’m going to miss my best friend. Even though she’s been a royal pain lately, I really do love her. I really want the best for her life. And so, after we were sort of done for the evening, I told her that I wanted us to pray together.

“Pray together?” She blinked in surprise. “You and me?”

“Yeah…I want us to pray for you and Ben. For the wedding tomorrow and for your future and for the future of your unborn child. Is that okay?”

“Of course.”

And so we prayed. And it was really sweet. When I finished, Nat told me that it was the best bachelorette party ever. Of course, I wondered what she could really compare it to, but I didn’t mention this. Still, as I sit here writing in my diary, I have to wonder how it’s going to go with Nat and Ben. Oh, I don’t mean the wedding. Knowing Caitlin, it will probably go smoothly enough. I mean what comes after the wedding. What then?

Nat said that Ben found them a little place to live. It’s downtown, close to his work, but she’ll have to ride a bus to school. His parents helped him with the rent deposit as well as some of the other starting expenses. But that ends now. “But with his job,” she assured me, “we’ll probably be okay.”

I didn’t ask her about things like health insurance or baby expenses. I mean, what do I know about things like that? Still, my practical side wonders. But it’s the
night before her wedding…why should I be the one to rain on her parade? Especially when I already know that tomorrow’s forecast is for “scattered showers”?